Dear Parents. (For Parents).

The following tips can be used as a guide as your family copes with the national tragedy of September 11, 2001. These tips were written by Dr. Bruce Perry, a nationally recognized expert on children and trauma and provided by Junior Scholastic, the current-events publication read in your child's class.

1. Don't be afraid to talk with your child about these events. Children do not benefit from "not thinking about it." Your child hears adult conversations and news on TV. You should be the healthy filter of information for your child.

2. Find out what your child thinks and feels. Young children often make false assumptions about the causes of major events. Often these distortions will magnify a child's sense of fear and make him or her more likely to have persisting emotional or behavioral problems. Correct false perceptions with simple, age-appropriate explanations.

3. Take your child's lead on when, what, and how much to say. You do not need to be too detailed or comprehensive. In fact, you may find that your child acts disinterested. Let the child control when you discuss this. Directed by your child's questions, you will have many, many short discussions and not one "big" talk. These little discussions make it easier for the child to digest this huge emotional meal.

4. Don't feel that you must have all the answers. Some aspects of this will forever remain beyond understanding. You can explain that you just don't know--and that sometimes we will never know why some things happen. Help teach your child that hate can lead to senseless cruelty. If your child sees that you struggle to make sense of this, his or her own struggle to do so becomes easier. And when your child sees you continue to be a solid and caring parent--even when you don't have the answers--he or she feels safer. The unknown becomes a less frightening thing.

5. Reassure your child. Many children--and many adults--are frightened. Your child may have fears about personal safety but is more likely worried about parents flying or going to work in public places or working in high-rise buildings. Reassure your child. Steps are being taken to make things safer. Remind your child that only a few hateful people did this.

6. Limit your child's exposure to media coverage. Children 6 and under who have seen TV coverage may actually think that hundreds of buildings collapsed. If they do watch the news, watch with them and then discuss it. Ultimately, the goal is to decrease the traumatic power of these images.

7. Resume normal patterns of activity at home as soon as possible. If these events disrupt the family structure, it can be even more disturbing for children. The sooner there is a familiar structure and predictability to your child's life, the sooner she or he will feel safe.

8. Anticipate some "regressive" behaviors following traumatic events. When children feel overwhelmed, confused, sad, or fearful, they will often "regress." You may see a variety of symptoms in your child: These include anxiety (or fearfulness), sadness, difficulty concentrating, sleep problems, increased impulsivity, or aggression. These symptoms are usually short-term (days or weeks) and tend to be resolved with reassurance, patience, and nurturing. When children feel safe, they will most likely start "acting their age."

9. Some children will be more vulnerable than others. Some children may seem disinterested and have no change in their behavior. Other children may have symptoms that seem out of proportion to their connection to these events. We do know that children with preexisting mental health or behavioral problems are more likely to show symptoms. We also know that the closer a child is to the actual traumatic event, the more severe and persistent the symptoms will be.

10. Your reactions will influence your child's reactions. A younger child will try to please you--sometimes by avoiding being emotional if they sense that it may upset you. Directly address your own discomfort with your child. It is reassuring to children that they are not alone in their emotional upset. Make sure they hear, many times, that even though it may be upsetting, it is still important to share feelings and thoughts with each other.

11. Don't let anger be misdirected. Only a small, hateful group of people did this. No ethnic group or religion should bear the brunt of these senseless destructive acts. Make sure your child understands that hurting more innocent people will only mean that terror wins.

12. Don't hesitate to get more advice and help. If you feel overwhelmed or if you see persisting problems with your child, don't hesitate to reach out for help. In most communities there are professionals and organizations that can answer your questions and help you get the services that you need.