Dear Miriam: Son traps my lying lover; LETTER OF THE DAY ADVICE.Byline: DR. MIRIAM STOPPARD Dear Miriam, My first marriage broke up 10 years ago because my husband was a womaniser Noun 1. womaniser - a man who likes many women and has short sexual relationships with them philanderer, womanizer Casanova - any man noted for his amorous adventures . I'm now 37 and have a partner I would like to marry but he prefers us to co-habit. He also had a bad marriage and says he believes in the saying "once bitten, twice shy". We live with my son, who's 19. They've never really got on but tolerate each other for my sake. My partner is a plumber (programming, tool) Plumber - A system for obtaining information about memory leaks in Ada and C programs. http://home.earthlink.net/~owenomalley/plumber.html. and I'm a nurse. I have to do a lot of shift work and there are some weeks when we hardly see each other. I thought we had a very good relationship until my son started stirring things up between us. He's been spying on my partner and discovered he'd been on internet chat sites while I was at work . He saw him drive off in his van with a woman in the front passenger seat. My partner claimed my son was making it all up to get at him. Then he had to confess when I found an earring earring, a personal adornment, sometimes an amulet, worn attached to the ear lobe. Since prehistoric times the ear has been pierced for the insertion of the earring; certain primitive tribes distort the lobe with plugs several inches in diameter or with heavy stones. in the van. He said it happened because I was working shifts. After a great deal of thought, I decided to give him a second chance. My son doesn't want to forgive him and says I should chuck him out. Now my partner's telling me to throw my son out. What can I do to sort out his mess? Kylie Noun 1. kylie - an Australian boomerang; one side flat and the other convex kiley boomerang, throw stick, throwing stick - a curved piece of wood; when properly thrown will return to thrower Dear Kylie, Why would you shoot the messenger? Your son didn't deceive TO DECEIVE. To induce another either by words or actions, to take that for true which is not so. Wolff, Inst. Nat. Sec. 356. and betray you. Your partner wasn't even man enough to own up straight away. He tried to turn you against your son. It's a pretty lame excuse that he had an affair because you work shifts. Why aren't your warning bells ringing out loud and clear? He doesn't even want to marry you - although, in the circumstances, that's no bad thing. If your son is on a mission to split up you and your partner, he's justified. He witnessed how badly his own father behaved and now he sees it happening again. You may be older with more experience but you're not wiser. Your son isn't as easily taken in as you seem to be. Your partner is cleverly trying to manoeuvre you into getting rid of his main opposition. With your son out of the way, he can manipulate you without someone looking over his shoulder. Be wary about anyone who wants you to cut off whole areas of your life for his benefit. Your loyalty should be to your son. The boyfriend goes. Your son stays. You should think yourself very lucky you have someone who is protective and genuinely cares. Tough times may be ahead and you may get lonely initially but it sounds like you deserve a better man. |
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