Dear MIRIAM: Should he know my secret past? LETTER OF THE DAY.

Byline: Dr MIRIAM STOPPARD

Dear Miriam I'VE been dating my boyfriend for a year and he's asked me to move in with him.

Everything would be perfect except I've been hiding a secret.

Before we met I had sex with a friend of his and I feel so guilty about it now.

I'm surprised the friend hasn't told him he slept with me. Every time they see each other I expect him to come back angry and upset.

It's scary to think he might leave me if he knew but I keep thinking he might feel even more angry and humiliated if he hears it from the friend and not from me.

Is it too late to come clean?

I want to do the right thing but I don't want to lose him.

What should I do?

SOME men are gentlemen who don't automatically kiss and tell and, as he's kept quiet for over a year, your secret may remain safe with him.

If your boyfriend truly cares about you, it shouldn't matter whether you've had sex with one man or 10 men before him.

You didn't cheat on him and you may be making a bigger drama out of this than you should. I expect he also has a sexual history. Do you know all about his other relationships or want that information?

What matters now is that he's the man you're with and you have no plans to have sex with anyone else but him.

Ask yourself, is this a secret that can be kept for life? Not only must you worry that you might blurt it out in a boozy, regretful moment but that your ex-fling might as well.

If you do feel this secret can be kept always, then keep it. But if there's even the slightest chance your boyfriend will find out, facing the music seems the best plan.

You're about to start a new chapter in your life together and you feel guilty and jumpy, so telling him yourself could give you a clean slate and make you feel more comfortable.

You don't have to go into all the gory details. Just say you had a few dates and quickly realised you just didn't click and it was no big deal.

If he has issues with it, he may not be as grown up as he pretends.

CAPTION(S):

SCARED: His mate could reveal our fling