Dear MIRIAM: DIY double act is a disaster; LETTER OF THE DAY.Byline: Dr MIRIAM STOPPARD Dear Miriam MY boyfriend and I are keen to get into property developing. We recently bought our first project, a total wreck WRECK, mar. law. A wreck (called in law Latin, wreccum maris, and in law French, wrec de mer,) signifies such goods, as after a shipwreck, are cast upon land by the sea, and left there within some county, so as not to belong to the jurisdiction of the admiralty, but to the common law. , at auction. We plan to do all the work ourselves in our spare time but I'm now seeing a side of my boyfriend I never knew existed. He has a temper and shouts at me if something goes wrong. If I'm using a hammer or chisel chisel Cutting tool with a sharpened edge at the end of a metal blade, used (often by driving with a mallet or hammer) in dressing, shaping, or working a solid material such as wood, stone, or metal. , he takes over, grabbing it out of my hand. At this rate, the house will never be finished. He's impatient, doesn't listen to my opinions and treats me like a dogsbody. Even though I've tried to talk about it, he turns everything round and says I'm over-sensitive or useless. I'm tired of being called an idiot and much worse. What can I do? IT'S naive to think that renovating a house won't strain a relationship. Standing amid rubble, breathing dust, not to mention all the sanding and plastering plastering, house construction technique involving the application of plaster to walls and ceilings, exterior plasterwork being of a different composition and generally known as stucco. , isn't conducive con·du·cive adj. Tending to cause or bring about; contributive: working conditions not conducive to productivity. See Synonyms at favorable. to romance. A renovation is very exciting at the start, when both partners have high expectations, but the hard work often creates friction. Even couples who don't usually argue can get into conflict over placing a socket, deciding whether to install one sink or two in the bathroom, choosing lawn or gravel in the garden... Healthy relationships can withstand anything but your boyfriend blowing off steam and aiming it right at you isn't healthy. Is it possible the project is too big for the two of you and you need extra help or a more realistic timetable? Talk to him when things are fine. Obviously, he won't be willing to listen in the heat of the moment but, when he's calm, let him know how much his verbal aggression hurts you and tell him firmly that it has to stop now. Talk about how you'd like him to cope with his frustrations instead. Perhaps he needs to take a few deep breaths and tell you he's getting agitated ag·i·tate v. ag·i·tat·ed, ag·i·tat·ing, ag·i·tates v.tr. 1. To cause to move with violence or sudden force. 2. . Or maybe he needs to just take time out and walk away for a while. If he won't work it out with you, maybe you can walk off yourself and leave him to think about it on his own for a few hours after his next outburst. CAPTION(S): IN A MESS: He keeps losing his rag |
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