Dear Governor McGreevey ...

Alec Mapa here. As America's Gay Asian Sweetheart, I thought it was my duty to officially congratulate you on coming out. Welcome to the party!

The minute someone comes out, I know the first thing they need is emotional support. I learned this during my freshman year at NYU.

Those who went unsupported ended up locked in their dorm rooms all semester weeping openly to Meg and Cris at Carnegie Hall or the soundtrack to The Color Purple. I know. I had my ear pressed to the door. It's a waste of emotion when you consider there are lots of people out there willing to lift you up and give you a great big hug. All you have to do is let them.

The second thing you'll need as a newbie is a good bar guide. Seeing as how you're in New Jersey and not Newfoundland, it shouldn't be too hard to rustle one up.

Meanwhile, big props for coming out in front of your wife and parents at a televised press conference on CNN. Talk about "Go big or stay home." You go, gov! I too had to come out to my girlfriend and parents, but not all at once and certainly not on cable.

Yes, you read correctly. I had a girlfriend and parents. Like you, governor, I made a valiant attempt at heterosexuality. Mine didn't result in a wife and child, but I had a girlfriend whom I loved very much, and we were engaged. We even came up with potential names for our children: Marilyn and Montgomery Mapa. Alas, the road not taken.

As for my parents, I came out to my mother at an est seminar in Berkeley and my father at a Sizzler in Oakland. Both were stressful, stomach-churning events. My point is, any gay person who's come out knows it takes enormous strength and courage. But it's an unavoidable part of the journey for every gay American who wants to lead an honest, open, fulfilling life. Yes, there are pitfalls, but as with the incorporation of toile wallpaper into a small bathroom, in time you'll find the rewards outweigh the risks.

I have to admit, at first I thought you and your boyfriend Golan Cipel were a couple of shady characters. You gave him a $100,000-a-year post, and then he started telling the press he wasn't gay and that he was "harassed" into taking the job. Quel beast, I thought. These two deserve each other: But as my mother used to say, When you point the finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you.

I can only imagine the kind of positions I'd assign to all the hotties I'd meet were I governor of California. My cabinet would suspiciously consist of former Cirque du Soleil aerialists and UPS delivery men, qualified or not. No, my friend, I can't judge you.

Nor can I judge Golan Cipel. He probably has his reasons for denying the relationship. Closeted people usually do. Once I made out with this Iowa farm boy from my acting class on a pile of coats at a east piney. He wouldn't make eye contact with me for the rest of the year. Do you know how hard it is to do a scene from Look Back In Anger with someone who won't look at you?

No one can openly admit to being gay as long as they feel that their sexuality is something to be ashamed of. By coming out you've demonstrated on a national level that the only thing to be ashamed of is being ashamed. That is so hot.

Scandal or not, what you did is a very big deal. There's a young gay politician out there right now who aspires to be governor one day. Up until last month she didn't think such a thing was possible.

Years ago I met Kitty Dukakis backstage after a performance. She disclosed her alcoholism early in her husband's campaign, and many thought it helped to lose him the election. I asked her if she had any regrets about being so honest, and she said, "It's always better to tell the truth. Less to remember."

Pardon the expression, governor, but doesn't it feel beret" not to have to keep all those balls in the air?

Respectfully yours, Alec Mapa