Dear Carol.

Dear Carol,

I'm not fat, but I constantly weigh myself. My friends think I do it too much. Is that bad? What do you think?

--Not Sure

Dear Not Sure,

Constantly weighing yourself really is not a good habit. It means you're overly concerned with how much you weigh and that you're keeping track of yourself by numbers. Scales can sometimes do more harm than good. Can you weigh yourself just twice a week, at most? Or, better yet, get rid of your scale altogether. If you want to be fit, exercise and cut out the junk food. Take walks, go ice skating, play tag football. Keep moving--just not to and from the scale.

Dear Carol,

I have a BF, and this is the third time we've been together. He dumped me twice and asked me out again. I'm not sure if he likes me or if I'm just conveniently there when he wants me to be.

--Confused

Dear Confused,

I don't know if he really likes you, but do you reeeeeally like him? Or do you just like the idea of your boyfriend asking you to get back together? If you enjoy dating him and can handle his casual attitude, OK, I guess. But since you took the time to write, it sounds like this on-again/off-again romance is not totally OK with you, which is understandable. After all, why should he make all the decisions? If you're ready for a change, say, "See ya," to this so-called BF.

Dear Carol,

My mom and dad have been divorced for years, and I used to see my dad every other weekend. Now, I don't even hear from him. He sends child support checks sometimes, but I don't consider that being a father. I'm so clueless about his life--I didn't even know he recently got married. My birthday just passed, and he had my grandpa call me for him. No present, no card, no letter. I wrote him a note around Father's Day but got no reply. How can I love him if I get no signs that he's alive?

--Fatherless

Dear Fatherless,

I'm so sorry you have a disappearing (and disappointing) dad. That's hard, especially around the holidays. You're not alone--lots of kids have parents who seem to pull disappearing acts. Some kids are OK with it, but many, like you, feel a void--and that's natural. Do your best to accept that your dad's absence is not because of you. And try to be grateful for the adults you can count on, like your mother, grandfather, perhaps an uncle or cousin. You can still love your dad and send him occasional reminders of your existence, and you can even ask your grandpa to talk to him. But I admire your clear-headed assessment of the situation because the less you expect of your dad, the less you'll be let down by him. Talk to your mom about this. Perhaps a therapist could help you sort this all out.

Dear Carol,

What do boys look for in girls? I don't seem to have it.

--Invisible

Dear Invisible,

Sometimes, boys notice superficial stuff first--just as some girls do. But boys also notice--and appreciate--girls who are smart, enthusiastic, thoughtful, fun to hang out with or who just manage to make them feel comfortable. Don't be afraid to strike up conversations with guys, and be sure to look them in the eye and smile. Pay attention, too, to all the "invisible" boys out there. Many are great guys who deserve to be discovered.

Dear Carol,

My friends and I are always made fun of for being good students. We're called "geeks" and "nerds" just because we get good grades and score well on tests. Part of the problem is that we're in the Gifted and Talented program, so we're in all the same classes and other kids see that as snobby. My mom says they're jealous. What can I do?

--A+nnoyed Student

Dear A+nnoyed,

As long as you and your friends are not acting like intellectual superiors, being in the G&T group should not be a problem. Do you make a point to mingle with other classes? Try auditioning for a play or joining an afterschool activity that will help you get to know other girls. Can you throw a party--either a boy/girl get-together or an all-girl sleepover? Once you get to know each other, you might find that you and the other kids have more in common than you ever thought. lust be sure to fill your conversations with interesting and fun topics that aren't all related to schoolwork and grades. I'll bet you have it in you to be not just gifted and talented academically, but gifted and talented with people too.

Dear Carol,

I was looking for a shampoo bottle in my parents' bathroom and found a box of condoms. I was so freaked because that's just plain weird. It was just sitting there right out in the open. I am really grossed out! Should I tell my parents what I found? I thought about asking my friends what to do, but they might flip out and not want to come over to my house again. What should I do? I could really use some advice.

--Grossed Out

Dear Grossed Out,

My advice is to relax. You found your parents' birth control, and you also found out they have a loving, responsible and, yes, physical relationship. That's normal. And isn't it way better than finding out they can't stand each other? If you want to tell your mom what you found, and you think it would open up a good conversation, feel free to speak up. Believe it or not, your mom might welcome the opportunity to have this kind of talk.

Dear Carol,

I have a huge crush on this guy but, unfortunately, he is kind of taken. My best friend likes him, too, and has told only me. I haven't had the nerve to tell her I'm also crushing on him. She recently asked me to help her take our crush away from his girlfriend but, since I like him, I said that would be mean, which is true. What now? I like him, my best friend does, and his girlfriend obviously does, but nobody knows I like him and I have to keep it a secret. Please, don't tell me to confess to all of them that I like him.

Dear Troubled,

No way! You might 'fess up to your BFF at some point, starting with, "I agree--he's nice." But why tell him or his GF? He's not "kind of" taken--he's taken, so back off for now and think of him as a friend. In time, another guy might catch your eye, and you could change your mind about him altogether. And kudos to you for not joining in BFF's BF-stealing games.

Dear Carol,

I always put off my homework, reports, chores and anything else I don't really want to do. The day before a project is due, I'm always up until around I a.m. getting it done. I'm always the last one to go to bed in my house. Even when I hit the books straight after school, I get sidetracked and end up glued to the tube. I want to stop procrastinating. Please tell me how.

--Last Minute Girl

Dear Last Minute,

You get a gold star for wanting to change your ways. Most people procrastinate some but, since you take things too far, you need to make rules for yourself. Set a bedtime deadline and turn off the TV--you can do it! When you have to tackle a big report, do a little bit every day so the project feels less intimidating. Talk to your parents about helping you stay on track. Maybe they'll even agree to a small reward system if you stick to it. Also, think about this--if you get your book report done ahead of time, you'll feel light as air the week it's due. Setting goals for yourself and then feeling proud of accomplishing them definitely beats feeling frantic and exhausted. Isn't it great that you didn't wait until the last minute to figure out your New Year's resolution?

Dear Carol,

I'm 13 and have lived in the same house all my life, but now we're moving to a new part of town. I'll be going to the same school, so it's not my friends I'll miss--it's my house. It's getting too small for my family, but it's part of me. How can I feel better about leaving?

--Attached to My House

Dear Attached,

Before you box up your belongings, go through the house, room by room, and take pictures you can put in a scrapbook to break out when you feel homesick. Also, since you're not moving to Timbuktu or anything, you can always visit your old stomping grounds. As for your new abode, get to know your neighbors and decorate your room the way you want it. Your old room was for you as a kid. Now that you're older, pick a new color for the walls, hang some posters, and pack a bulletin board with Hartnett the Heartthrob or band pics. You can make this new house a home and, chances are, you'll become attached to it in no time.

Carol Weston's' advice books are Teens Only (absolutely brand newl). For Girls Only, Girltalk, and Private and Personal, Her novels are Melanie Martin Goes Dutch and The Diary of Melanie Martin. Her website is carolweston.com. You can write Carol c/o Girls' Life, 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD, 21214. For a reply, include a stamped self-addressed envelope. Carol is sorry she can't answer every letter personally.