Dear Carol.

Dear Carol,

Sex ed is starting at my school soon. Even though we will split into two groups (girls and guys), I'm not ready. We'll talk about periods and having sex, right? I don't want to talk to my teacher about that stuff. Only my friends. Can you help me prepare?

Ready or Not

Dear Ready or Not,

You don't have to prepare. You're the student, not the teacher. No one will put you on the spot or ask you to get personal. The teacher's aim is to help girls understand their bodies and puberty. The problem with talking only to friends is that inaccurate info is often shared. Each year in this country, a million teen girls get pregnant and nearly 3 million teens contract sexually transmitted diseases. It's essential to learn about these things so you can make smart decisions. I am sure others are anxious too, but just because you're learning about the adult world doesn't mean you can't keep being a kid for years and years. You can!

Dear Carol,

A month ago, my close friend told me, "I don't want to be friends anymore; I have a new friend." It broke my heart, but I got over it and made new friends even though I was sad. Now, my ex-friend got dumped by her friend and wants to be best buds again as if nothing ever happened. What should I do?

Not Sure

Dear Not Sure

It's easier to have friends than enemies so it often makes sense to Joe friendly tanner than put up a "Do Not Disturb" sign. But unless this hot-and-cold girl makes it clear that she learned from being fickle, I wouldn't sign on to being her best bud again. You've proven that you can survive disappointment and make new friends--and that's great. Let's just hope she has found out (the hard way) that treating a friend like dirt can backfire. Can you two hang out? Sure. Should you re-invest big-time in someone who hurt you without an apology? Probably not.

Dear Carol,

I have a million things I should do (and want to do), like keep up with schoolwork but, instead, I laze around and do nothing. Where's the inspiration?

Totally Bored with No Inspiration

Dear Bored,

We all have couch-potato days, but then it feels good to get busy. It could help to schedule something fun--IM chats, movies skating--then use the hours beforehand to get lots done. A change of scenery might help too. Can you move from the bedroom to the kitchen to do homework? Or go to the library? If you feel overwhelmed, break work into small tasks. And talk to your parents about helping to motivate you. They might think up rewards to inspire you to take on challenges. Think of long-term goals, too. Can you take an art class or join choir? If you continue to feel a complete lack of motivation, you should talk to a counselor to see if something deeper is going on.

Dear Carol,

I've always dreamed of my first kiss being wonderful. But a couple days ago, my boyfriend kissed me and it was kind of nasty because he shoved his tongue down my throat. Then he said I was an OK kisser for a first-timer. I felt insulted. I want to break up with him, but I can't get the words out. My other plan was to make him want to break up with me, but it's not working. What should I do?

Wants to be Single

Dear Wants to be Single,

Breaking up is tough, but it's better than staying in an uncomfortable romance with an insensitive guy. You want out, so let him know. In person or on the phone, say, "We've had fun, but this isn't working. Let's go back to being friends, OK?" Once you've let him go, don't second-guess your actions. Instead, have faith that your next kiss, whenever that might be, will have more sparkle. And it will be a first kiss with someone new.

Dear Carol,

My mom is divorced and likes this new guy, but I hate him. She sends him care packages and romantic songs, and it ticks me off! My mom says I'm too judgmental. I'm losing my patience!

Mad

Dear Mad,

It's difficult when moms (or dads) form new romantic connections. Try to understand this from your mom's point of view (it must be nice for her to have a new relationship), then think about what bugs you. Do you really dislike this man? Or do you dislike that he's not your dad and is robbing you of your mom's attention? Either way, speak up. If you say, "Mom, this might seem stupid, but I'm jealous," she may reassure you by telling you how much she loves you. Perhaps you two could even make each other a care package. Expressing feelings can help, but be sensitive to her feelings too. And get more involved with your own friends now.

Dear Carol,

I don't want to brag, but I am my science teacher's favorite student--and some kids get jealous. One girl asked me how it feels to be his favorite. Today I won the science prize, so I know other kids are going to hate me even more.

Scientist

Dear Scientist,

Ya know what? A little jealousy won't kill anybody. It might even motivate others to try harder in certain subjects. It's great you won a prize--as long as you're not acting stuck-up, boasting about it or hanging with the teacher. Ideally, each student should focus on her own achievements rather than becoming bitter by making comparisons. Besides, if one day you win the Nobel Prize (or a classmate gets a Grammy or an Oscar), old friends will brag that they sat three desks over. Keep excelling--without guilt or angst.

Dear Carol,

I can't take control of anything. I even got suspended from school. Everything is going really cruddy--from my home life to my social life to my school life. Everything! Last week, my mom snooped through my room. My immediate reaction was panic, but then I felt anger because she shouldn't invade my privacy. She found a pipe, pot, cigars and prescription pills. I know I should not have those things, but isn't it wrong of her to snoop? Aren't we both guilty?

Really Frustrated 

Dear Frustrated,

In a perfect world, parents would never snoop and kids would have nothing to hide. Your morn invaded your privacy, but a parent's job is to help kids stay on track and make good choices. Since you're having school- and drug-related issues, it's understandable that she's worried. Let's figure out how you can get control of your life. Tobacco? C'mon. Why smoke when you know so many adults are trying to quit? And pot and pills? Do you really want to develop such bad habits? Counseling can give you the coping tools you need to rediscover your strengths, do well in school and build healthy relationships. For now, take each day as it comes and try to do things you can be proud of instead of things you have to hide.

Dear Carol,

My grandmother has osteoporosis--her bones are weak. She keeps telling me the same will happen to me I don't take calcium, She's constantly telling me about her friends who have fallen and fractured their bones. I'm sorry about her osteoporosis but the nagging is annoying.

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

Her nagging might be annoying, but she's right about your bones. Calcium is in milk, yogurt, cheese, leafy greens and other foods, but to get the 1,300 daily milligrams girls 9 to 18 need, you need to take calcium pills (preferably with vitamin D). Your grandma probably wishes she had! Get into the habit now so you'll have strong bones later (especially important for girls with family histories of bone disease). An added benefit for you: The moment you can say, "No worries, Grandmom! I'm taking calcium daily," the lectures will be o-v-e-r.

Dear Carol,

My father is in the army, and we just moved. I like this guy who lived across the street from us. Some days, I thought he liked me too. We spent a lot of time together, doing homework and going to the pool. We even went to a movie once. Should I call him or just let it go?

Missing a Boy

Dear Missing a Boy,

Whether you like-like or just like each other, there's nothing wrong with reaching out to a friend. Since you know his address, you could write a letter (nothing mushy, please) or phone to say "hi." He probably misses you too (even if he never admits it), so while you should both live in the present, it's OK to talk occasionally. Ask, "Hey, how are things in the old neighborhood?" Keep developing friendships in your new neighborhood, too.

Dear Carol,

My mom says a lot of bad words. I can't stand it. She uses them at home and even in front of my friends. How can I stop her?

Living With a Badmouth

Dear Living,

It's hard to change other people's behavior, but you can certainly give it a shot. Try saying, "Mom, I know you don't want me to use those words and I wish you wouldn't use them either." Tell her you think she's too good to use such bad language. It might help if you give her a hug or add that you know how stressed she's been. If it doesn't change? Remember that kids learn from parents by copying the traits they admire but also by aiming to do some things differently.

Carol Weston's new novel, Melanie in Manhattan, is the fourth in her diary series about the adventures of Melanie Martin (Knopf). Carol's advice books include Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You and For Girls Only (HarperCollins). Her Web site is carolweston.com. You can also write Carol c/o Girls' Life 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD, 21214. For a reply, include a stamped self-addressed envelope. She is sorry she can't answer every question personally.