Dear Carol.Dear Carol, This guy I've been crushing on likes me too. He's really nice but, lately, he acts like a pervert. He keeps asking how far I've gone with another guy and how far I'd go with him. Need Advice Dear Need Advice, Ewww. I'm not surprised you're grossed out by his inappropriate comments. Just because you like a guy doesn't mean you're stuck liking him forever. A lot of girls start liking someone but, after getting to know him better, realize he isn't the Valentine they imagined. If your crush acts more interested in pawing pawing a form of behavior characterized by persistent use of one forelimb to dig in the ground, or to thump it, or to scratch at a fixed object such as a door; stimulated by subacute pain, boredom. you than hanging out, make him an ex-crush and be glad you figured him out. Dear Carol, One of my friends is a boy-crazy freak. She's had about six or more boyfriends in the past year. All she talks about are boys, boys, boys. I feel like I'm losing an extremely close friend, and I would be sad without her. She does not listen to me when I try to talk to her about how she has changed. How do I get through to her that she isn't the same girl she used to be? Missing My Bed Dear Missing, I'm sorry you're missing the way things were. But instead of trying to "get through to her," accept that some change is natural. You're changing too, and my hope is that you two can stay friends despite your different interests. For now, do things you enjoy together--watching movies, baking cookies, skating skating: see ice skating; ice dancing; roller skating. skating Sport in which bladelike runners or sets of wheels attached to shoes are used for gliding on ice or on surfaces other than ice. , playing music--and keep making new friends. Her boy obsession might soon wane, and your friendship could get back on track. But time moves forward, never backward, and things will never be exactly the way they used to be. Dear Carol, I'm home-schooled, and I never seem to meet anybody. Whenever my mom suggests ideas to help me get to meet some kids, I say, "No way!" even if it sounds sort of interesting. Am I just afraid to try new things? Confused Dear Confused, It's natural to be nervous when it comes to venturing into new territory and also to be reluctant to admit that moms are often right. Find your courage and say, "You know, Mom, I might be willing to check out that art class you mentioned." Whether through a sport, book club or theater group, it's great to get involved and avoid being isolated. And it's not too soon to look into summer camp. Dear Carol, I have played sports over half my life. A few years ago, I decided to join musical theater. This makes my dad angry. He wants me to pursue softball softball, variant of baseball played with a larger ball on a smaller field. Invented (1888) in Chicago as an indoor game, it was at various times called indoor baseball, mush ball, playground ball, kitten ball, and, because it was also played by women, ladies' , but I want to act. I love my dad, but I don't want him planning my life. Acting Athlete Dear Acting Athlete, It's important to pursue your goals, not the goals others set for you. Explain to your dad that you don't see yourself as a career athlete. It can be hard for parents to realize their kids are individuals with their own plans and passions. But there's hope, and parents do eventually recognize that their kids are becoming young adults. Serious conversations like this are easier during a car ride (when you're not looking at each other) or at dinner (when other family members can help keep tempers in check). Or find a time when your dad is in a good mood. Remember, too, that your future is wide open and may include interests you have yet to discover. Dear Carol, A year ago, my dad started cheating on my mom. The lady my dad is cheating with is nice to me. My dad really likes her, but my mom hates her. My dad thinks I like her, and I do. But my mom thinks I hate her, and I do kind of. I don't know Don't know (DK, DKed) "Don't know the trade." A Street expression used whenever one party lacks knowledge of a trade or receives conflicting instructions from the other party. whose side to be on, and I'm scared to upset my parents. Whose Side Dear Whose Side, You really don't have to pick sides. Yes, it is possible to like and hate someone at the very same time. Adult relationships can be messy mess·y adj. mess·i·er, mess·i·est 1. Disorderly and dirty: a messy bedroom. 2. Exhibiting or demonstrating carelessness: messy reasoning. but, ideally, you'll keep getting along with both your mom She goes to the gym. and dad even if they no longer get along with each other. I'm sorry for what you're going through. Hang in there and, when your mom says negative things about the other woman, just listen and give your mom a hug. She could probably use a little extra love right now. Dear Carol, I have friends who want me to smoke pot. I don't want to, and most kids accept my decision. But one girl keeps offering, and I guess I do sometimes feel a little tempted and curious. Help me to keep saying "no." Friend of Smokers Dear Friend of Smokers, There are many reasons smoking pot is a bad decision. 1) It's illegal, so you could get in big trouble--maybe even kicked out of school. 2) Getting high can dull your ambitions. If you're stoned, you might blow off studying for a test, then kick yourself for flunking. 3) Marijuana marijuana or marihuana, drug obtained from the flowering tops, stems, and leaves of the hemp plant, Cannabis sativa (see hemp) or C. indica; the latter species can withstand colder climates. can be habit-forming and stores up in your body. A month after using, traces of pot might still be in your pee pee Vox populi Micturate, urinate . 4) Marijuana messes with your judgment. For instance, a driver who is high may believe he is driving safely, but tests prove that marijuana impairs perception, alertness and reaction time. 5) Heavy use affects learning because it makes it harder to retain information. I could go on, but the bottom line is this: Drugs are dangerous. Congrats con·grats Informal interj. Congratulations. pl.n. Congratulations: sent him my congrats. on being smart enough to stay away from them. Say "no" firmly enough so everyone knows you mean it. Dear Carol, Sometimes, I tell untrue un·true adj. un·tru·er, un·tru·est 1. Contrary to fact; false. 2. Deviating from a standard; not straight, even, level, or exact. 3. Disloyal; unfaithful. stories about myself to make my life seem more interesting. One lie leads to another, and it's become a habit! How do I stop? Know It's Wrong Dear Know It's Wrong, Congrats! You've already taken Step One by recognizing the problem and asking for help. Not only is lying wrong, but it does not help you make (or keep) friends. Others see through the lies, then lose respect for you. Sooo not worth it! Instead of lying, be a better listener. Rather than inventing a story, say, "How was your weekend?" and give others a chance to talk about themselves. You can also dole out Verb 1. dole out - administer or bestow, as in small portions; "administer critical remarks to everyone present"; "dole out some money"; "shell out pocket money for the children"; "deal a blow to someone"; "the machine dispenses soft drinks" compliments ("Great color on you!") to get conversations going. If you want to spice up your life, get involved in a school or community activity. Pretty soon, you'll find that real life beats a fantasy one. Dear Carol, My mom doesn't allow me to stay up past 9:30 p.m., and I'm 15! All my friends make fun of me, and that makes me mad at my mom. How can I tell her I really want to stay up later? Early Sleeper Sleeper Stock in which there is little investor interest but that has significant potential to gain in price once its attractions are recognized. Antithesis of high flyer. Dear Early Sleeper, Unless you're a crack-of-dawn riser, 9:30 does sound a bit on the early side. Can you tell your mom you're not sleepy sleepy characterized by sleep. sleepy foal disease see shigellosis. sleepy staggers see hepatic encephalopathy. at that hour? Or that you'd prefer to devote that time to pleasure-reading rather than ceiling-staring? Maybe request a 10 p.m. bedtime bedtime Sleep disorders The time when one attempts to fall asleep–as distinguished from the time when one gets into bed , and ask what her objections are. Is it that she has to drag you out of bed in the mornings? If that's the case, you need to work on getting up on time. If it's that she doesn't want you to wake a sib or surf the Net To browse the Internet. The most common Internet browsing today is done on the Web. Before the Web, the Internet was "surfed" via Archie, Gopher, WAIS and other search facilities. See surfing and how to access the Internet. , promise to stay quiet and offline. Consider adding that you can't help feeling resentful re·sent·ful adj. Full of, characterized by, or inclined to feel indignant ill will. re·sent  ful·ly adv. about the bedtime issue and don't like feeling that way because you love her and she's usually so reasonable. Well-chosen words sometimes work wonders. Dear Carol, I rarely use tampons because, when I take them out, it is painful I have tried different sizes and brands, but it's always the same. What can I do? Tampon tampon /tam·pon/ (tam´pon) [Fr.] a pack, pad, or plug made of cotton, sponge, or other material, variously used in surgery to plug the nose, vagina, etc., for the control of hemorrhage or the absorption of secretions. Trouble Dear Tampon Trouble, Many girls have trouble figuring out tampons but, before long, using them is no big deal. Avoid "super" tampons, and opt for the slim ones. Use tampons on heavy-flow days, pads on lighter days. Are you changing tampons too often? A dry tampon won't slide out easily, but one that has done all the absorbing it can do will slip right out with a tug of the string. Because of toxic shock syndrome toxic shock syndrome (TSS). acute, sometimes fatal, disease characterized by high fever, nausea, diarrhea, lethargy, blotchy rash, and sudden drop in blood pressure. It is caused by Staphylococcus aureus, an exotoxin-producing bacteria (see toxin). (which is unbelievably rare), it's not safe to leave a tampon in for over eight hours. But changing too often can be a problem. More questions? Ask your mom, big sister, school nurse or family doctor. Dear Carol, My parents are getting divorced because my dad is gay. He isn't quite ready for people to know, so I haven't told my friends. They sometimes say that being gay is gross. How can I get them to stop making fun of being gay without telling them about my dad? Gay is OK Dear Gay is OK, Divorce is always hard, and your parents' divorce has an added complication complication /com·pli·ca·tion/ (kom?pli-ka´shun) 1. disease(s) concurrent with another disease. 2. occurrence of several diseases in the same patient. com·pli·ca·tion n. . Your open attitude toward your dad will serve you well, but be patient. You can't change your friends' close-mindedness overnight. Little by little, they should out grow their ideas as they realize that many people are gay. For now, when someone pokes fun at homosexuality, say, "C'mon, aren't we a little old for gay-bashing?" Others probably will agree with you and admire you for speaking up. And, someday some·day adv. At an indefinite time in the future. Usage Note: The adverbs someday and sometime express future time indefinitely: We'll succeed someday. Come sometime. , you'll be able to say, "My dad's gay," without any anxiety. Carol Weston's brand new novel is Melanie in Manhattan, the fourth in her diary series about the adventures of Melanie Martin (Knopf). Carol's advice books include Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You (Fourth Edition) and For Girls Only (HarperCollins). Her Web site is carolweston.com. You can write Carol c/o Girls' Life Girls' Life (ガールズライフ Gāruzu Raifu , 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD, 21214. For a reply, include a stamped self-addressed envelope. Carol is sorry she can't answer every question personally. |
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