Dear Carol.

Dear Carol,

I have a totally vain friend. Every time she's near a mirror, she admires herself. One time we were getting dressed to go to a movie, and she told me, "You should wear better clothes--those are ugly. No wonder I had four boyfriends last year and you had none." When we got to the theater, I saw my crush. She flirted with him, taking her jacket off to show her tank top. She knows I like him, and I got SO jealous! Do you have any ideas? She's my BFF, and I don't want to ruin that.

I'm Pretty Too

Dear Pretty,

I'm sorry your BFF is vain ... and insensitive. You might do her a favor by telling her how it feels when she disses your clothes, and you'd definitely be doing yourself a favor by keeping your eye out for new friends. BTW, some vain and boy-hungry girls are actually insecure and desperate for attention because they don't love themselves enough. And that's nothing to be jealous of.

Dear Carol,

This guy has been flirting with me forever. Recently, my friend called him and asked if he liked me, and he said "no." Now, I'm confused. If he doesn't like me, why does he flirt?

Why

Dear Why,

Maybe he does like you, but doesn't want to discuss it with your friend. Think about it: If his friend phoned you and said, "Who do you like?" would you tell him or say, "No one"? Sometimes, go-betweens make relationships easier; other times, they ruin everything. Keep getting to know your crush, but don't pressure him into stating his feelings. Maybe his actions will soon speak louder than words. Or maybe he's just a big flirt.

Dear Carol,

Some of my friends have real problems, like popping pills or cutting themselves. So far no one has succeeded in killing herself, but how long will it be before someone does? They joke about it, saying, "I'm so suicidal." It scares me. I've seen the cuts they try to cover them up with sweat bands or long-sleeved shirts. None of their parents know! How should I deal?

Concerned

Dear Concerned,

That is frightening! Whenever you're concerned about a friend's well-being, talk to a trusted adult--a parent, teacher, counselor or clergyperson. If a friend tries a cigarette, you might choose to keep that news to yourself. But if she says she plans to kill herself, alerting an adult is not tattling--it may be saving a life. When a friend talks about suicide, it's important to voice your worries. Tell her how much you care about her, and encourage her to call 1-800-SUICIDE. The person on the phone will not judge or report her, but will listen and offer support. Remind your friend that she doesn't want to end her life--she wants to change her life. And with help, she can. Sometimes even just a few sessions with a counselor can get someone back on course.

Dear Carol,

I've gone out with this guy a few times, but it never worked out, even though we have so much in common. Seems when we're a couple, we don't talk. When we're not a couple, we talk all the time. He's sweet, cute and funny. Is it possible for us to be "friends with benefits"?

Sweetie Seeker

Dear Seeker,

Not a good idea. Think about how you might feel if you two were "friends with benefits" and then he asked out another girl for Saturday night? Bad, probably. So why settle? If you two want to go out, make an effort to blast through the awkwardness. If you really aren't compatible as a couple, then be friends. But don't complicate matters by adding making-out to the mix. The "benefits" you refer to will feel better with someone you are comfortable enough sharing your emotions with, not just your kisses.

Dear Carol,

I hang out with two groups of friends: my preppie friend from before and my sporty newer friends. My old friends complain that I hang out with my new friends too much, and vice-versa. Last weekend, I stayed home alone because I didn't know which group to hang out with and didn't want to let anyone down. I tried to get them together to know each other better, but it didn't work out. I don't have one friend from either group who understands how hard it is for me to choose. Can you please give me ideas on what to do?

Fought-Over friend

Dear Friend,

While going out with two guys is pretty much against the rules, having lots of different friends isn't. You don't really need to choose--there's enough of you to go around and enough days in the summer to hang out with lots of people. If the old friends say, "Want to go to a movie?" you can say, "I'd love to," or "Sorry, I made plans for tonight but how about tomorrow?" Try not to feel apologetic or defensive--the more comfortable you are with the situation, the more comfortable others will feel. One more tip: Don't spend your time with one group talking about what you like and what annoys you about the other group. Good luck!

Dear Carol,

I like this boy, and my friend does too. I liked him before she did, but I didn't say anything. He doesn't like her, and everyone says he likes me. It's true that he's always nicer to me. My friend even notices. What can I do?

Betrayer?

Dear (Not a) Betrayer,

Is all fair in love or war? No. But since this guy is a crush, not her boyfriend, it is OK for you to keep liking the guy you've been liking. You may decide to bravely tell her, "This is awkward, but I like him too--as you may have already guessed. Let's not let this wreck our friendship." If you and he do end up going out? Be sure not to brag! Oh, and next time, maybe you should confide sooner to your best friend that you're crushing on the same guy ... to avoid that whole who-liked-him-first dilemma.

Dear Carol,

I know about five girls who wear thongs, and I want to try one out and see if I like it. My best friend says girls who wear thongs are skanky. This was after I asked her to go to the mall to pick one out with me. (I do NOT want to get one with my mom.) My friend says I can do what I want, but I'm afraid she will think I'm trashy. Should I go through with it?

Thinking of Thonging

Dear Thinking of Thonging,

Whenever you're confused, slow down! Take some time before taking action. You don't need to make a decision today. Some girls like thongs; others don't. Lots of girls find them comfortable; many don't. And it's best for your friend not to judge people by their underwear. If you do buy a thong, your mom will probably find out. If she'd flip, factor this into your decision-making. At the very least, don't buy a black lacy number or one that has "Hot Stuff" printed on it.

Dear Carol,

I've had a BF for about two months. He has been asking me nasty questions. Like, he asked me to make out, so we did. Now he's asking to see and touch things. Ewww! I can't tell him I'm not into that. I'm thinking of dumping him.

To Dump or Not to Dump?

Dear To Dump,

You say you can't but, yes, you can tell your boyfriend that you don't like the pressure. You can say that you enjoy talking to him but not about sexual stuff. If you can't bring yourself to speak your mind and he keeps making you feel uncomfortable, free yourself from this relationship--immediately. Don't worry about being mean. Right now, he's not worrying about how you're feeling, is he? Trust me--you'd survive a breakup, and so would he. If you feel you are ready to be in a relationship, then you also need to be prepared to assert yourself in situations that make you uneasy.

Dear Carol,

I like this guy, and he likes me. But my BF is out of town, and I have no way of contacting him to tell him I like someone else. Should I go out with the guy I like and tell my BF when he gets back? My BF never calls me anyway.

Boy Trouble

Dear Boy Trouble,

Your BF never calls? I'd say you're a free girl. It'd be different if your BF had gone off for a brief trip. But, it sounds like you and your BF broke up a while ago and forgot to tell each other. It's OK to move on. If and when your BF calls, explain that you met someone but had no way of getting in touch with him to tell him.

Dear Carol,

My friend's parents separated months ago, but she hasn't told me. I found out from my mom. Should I let her tell me on her own, or should I bring it up? I wonder, in near tears, why she's left me out of the loop.

Friend Troubles

Dear Friend Troubles,

You're hurting because you feel left out, but your friend is also hurting and probably not ready to talk about her troubles. Be sensitive to this. Perhaps she imagines that if she doesn't talk about it, the problem will correct itself and her parents will stay together. Maybe you could say, "My mom told me your parents are going through a tough time. That must be hard for you, and I'm here if you want to talk." Let her come to you in her own time.

Carol Weston is the author of For Teens Only; For Girls Only; Girltalk; and Private and Personal (HarperCollins), and With Love From Spain, Melanie Martin; The Diary of Melanie Martin; and Melanie Martin Goes Dutch (Knopf). You can visit her website at carolweston.com or write Carol c/o Girls' Life, 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD, 21214. For a reply, include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Carol is sorry she can't answer every question personally.