Dear Carol.

Dear Carol,

One of my best friends is anorexic. She was beautiful but, now, she's pale, and you can see her bones through her skin. She knows she has an eating disorder, but says she can't stop. I'm really worried about her.

Don't Want to Lose My Friend

Dear Don't Want to Lose,

Wow. Since she's bravely come clean to you, tell her you're worried. About one in 100 adolescent girls has anorexia and, in worst-case scenarios, girls can starve themselves to death. You're right to be concerned. Don't gossip, but make sure her parents are helping her. If she hasn't told them, offer to be with her when she does. Or, tell a teacher, school nurse, coach or counselor about her dangerous disorder. Your friend might need therapy or even hospitalization. Meanwhile, your understanding can make a difference. Don't monitor her every bite as this will become upsetting for both of you. She needs to figure out how to develop healthful habits. This is her task--not yours--but she's very lucky to have a caring friend. A helpful website is nationaleatingdisorders.org.

Dear Carol,

I always like a guy for a long time, no matter what. I just got over someone, and now I like a new guy. I'm afraid to show my interest because I'll keep liking him even if he doesn't like me back. He's popular; I'm not. Should I go for it or try to move on?

Afraid to Love Again

Dear Afraid,

Here's what you should not do: stalk him in the hall, IM him 24/7, put his cell number on your speed dial, or tell friends to get the word out that you're ready when he is. But feel free to smile in his direction, say "hi," ask a friendly question, and maybe even compliment him on his winning goal or class presentation. Take tiny steps to gauge the warmth of his reaction. As for declaring that, once you like someone, you're stuck liking him for life? Surprise yourself by changing your ways. This boy is only one of thousands in your community. If he's nice and attentive, he may hold your interest. If not, you have the power to get out of a one-way crush.

Dear Carol,

My friend is dating my ex, and I still like him a little. Now that she's seeing him, I feel sad and alone.

Lonely

Dear Lonely,

That's a double whammy. I'm not surprised you have lingering feelings for your ex, especially since you now have to hear about him from your friend. It's almost always harder to get over someone who is part of your group, or worse, going out with a friend. But wait--is it possible you still like him a little because your friend suddenly likes him a lot? Remind yourself of what bugged you about him. Also try to look beyond the two of them and realize your school is full of other guys and girls. Why not check out potential new crushes and say "hi" to a new boy? And how about making plans with a girl you've never called before? The cure for loneliness is staying active, reaching out to others and realizing the world is a whole lot bigger than the number of kids in your classes.

Dear Carol,

My boyfriend is very sweet. But we are young, and he always tries to kiss me and is becoming very obsessive. I don't want to go out with him if he keeps smothering me. It doesn't help that his friends are my friends, and that he is in all my classes, rides my bus and lives next door. Even if we break up, it will be very awkward. What do you think I should do?

Too Many Problems

Dear Too Many Problems,

Time for you two to talk. Try, "I really like you. But I don't feel ready for kissing yet, and I wish you would respect that. Your pressuring makes getting together less fun. You need to slow down a little." Will it be difficult for you to say this? Yes. But staying silent is already difficult, right? If he cares about your feelings, he'll listen. If he doesn't, he's not BF-worthy. If you do break up, now or in the future, you can both be friendly and mature so that seeing each other and sharing friends isn't harder than necessary.

Dear Carol,

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

Miserable

Dear Miserable,

That's a good question, and many girls have been there. Have faith that your whole life is ahead of you--you'll soon meet someone else who will stir you up and make you dare to care all over again. Meanwhile, write a poem or fill a journal with what you're feeling. Get out of the house, and hit the park or movie theater or a friend's home. Hang in there. There's no reason to let one person control your emotions for much longer.

Dear Carol,

I'm really embarrassed around my brother and dad about having my period. My mom and grandma blab about it to everyone. I've confronted them about it, but it didn't help. I want them to stop.

Exposed to the World

Dear Exposed,

I hear you. Make sure they do too. Say, "I know periods are totally natural, but it really upsets me when you talk to other family members about my body. That's private! Please, stop. I want to be able to tell you things but, if you keep making my personal stuff public, I won't be able to confide in you anymore. Could you try to see this my way?" Something like that should do the trick whether you say it, write it or e-mail it. Good luck!

Dear Carol,

I know a girl who is getting C's in all her classes even though she is trying her best. My other friends and I always get A's. Whenever we ask each other about our grades, this girl gets upset. I think I can help her, but I don't know how to confront her. After all, I wouldn't want to say, "I can tutor you," or something obvious like that, would I?

A Student Who Cares

Dear A Student,

Since your group isn't discreet about discussing grades, it might be fine to say, "Hey, I'd love to go over the chapter with you before the next quiz. Want to meet up after school?" Why not privately ask your friends not to broadcast their great grades in front of her? And you can try to help her feel good about what she does excel at ("You have a great singing voice," "That was an amazing catch"). Finally, since she isn't hiding her feelings, you could say, "I know you're bummed. Maybe you could see the teacher for extra help, or perhaps he can find you a tutor."

Dear Carol,

My mom and dad divorced a long time ago. He never called, and I even thought he was dead. Recently, I found out he's not. My mom never remarried, so I don't know what it's like to have a father. This year, I have a man teacher and sometimes I wish he were my father since he's so nice. Is there anything wrong with that?

Unhealed Heart

Dear Unhealed Heart,

I'm sorry you're hurting, and it's natural to wish you had a caring father. But it would be inappropriate for your teacher to become a major player in your personal life. Is there an uncle or grandpa or godfather you can reach out to? Someday, guy friends and boyfriends will fill this yearning. But pick wisely. Some young women go out with much older guys in search of a father figure, and this can be disastrous. Talk to your mom--I'm sure she feels a sense of loss too. Talking to a counselor would also be ideal. Your heart may always have a bruise--but stay active with friends, teams and clubs, and your life can be full and happy.

Dear Carol,

My BFF and I like a lot of the same boys. Now, she says I need to stop liking certain boys just because she likes them.

Boy or Friend?

Dear Friend,

Try saying something like, "It's awkward that we like the same guy, but it means we have excellent taste! Let's make a pact that if one of us starts going out with someone, we won't let it get in the way of our friendship." And be sure to talk about other things in your lives besides crushes.

Dear Carol,

My brother is going away to college this fall, and I know I will miss him a lot. In the last few years, he was out with friends so much and, whenever he was home, we fought nonstop, it was like we hated each other. But, lately, we've been getting along really well. I would do anything to rewind those years and start over.

Regretful Sister

Dear Regretful,

It's great you recognize that your sibling bond counts and endless arguments aren't worth it. You can't start over, but you can send e-mails, cards and care packages to him at college. And you can phone and visit too. Don't feel guilty about the fights--family feuding is perfectly normal. But keep forging a more mature friendship so you two can be there for each other from now on, with lots of love and only occasional squabbles.