Dear Carol.

Too Much Distance

I met a guy online, and we've chatted for a few months and traded pics. We want to meet, but I live in the United States and he lives in Australia. I can't just forget him and move on, but we don't have enough money to visit. Please don't tell me the Internet is dangerous. I already get grief from my friends.

Dear Too Much Distance, If you were about to meet him, I'd launch right into the lectures you've already heard. But, OK, I get it. You're stressing because you might never meet this guy. Truth is, the prospect of developing more than an e-relationship is unrealistic. Do yourself a favor and don't join the group of girls who have been hurt by giving up their hearts (and personal info) to a virtual stranger.

Worried Granddaughter

I'm worried about my grandma. I think she's been lonely since my grandfather passed away.

Dear Worried Granddaughter, Instead of worrying about your grandmother, do something sweet for her--call her, write to her, bake her some cookies. Meet her for a manicure or a weekend matinee. I'm sure she misses your grandfather, but your love means a lot to her right now so make sure she knows you care. It's OK, too, to talk to her about your grandfather.

Right Size?

Everyone says there are many different breast shapes and sizes, but what is normal? I am 14 and a 34C, and I'm wondering if there is a set way that breasts are supposed to look.

Dear Right Size, There is no "normal" way a pair of eyes or ears or hands is supposed to look, right? Same thing goes for breasts. Your 34C bra size is bigger than some girls wear, smaller than others wear. Learn to love what you have.

Frustrated Kisser

For over a month, I've been with a boy I like very much. I want to take it to the next level by giving him a simple kiss. That's all I want to do--get that kiss out of my system. But I get so frustrated with myself because I can't get the nerve to do it. What do you think I should do?

Dear Frustrated Kisser, Give yourself a break. Hey, that kiss can wait--and waiting is smart. Relax, and enjoy your crush. When you're ready and the time is right, the kiss will come on its own. Who knows? Maybe he is trying to find his courage, too, and appreciates not being rushed. The best kisses aren't pre-planned.

Porned

I'm 14, and I've been looking at porn. I'm really not that kind of person, and I want to stop. But it has gotten kind of addicting in a way. I've been able to quit for several weeks, but I want to cut it out completely. I feel really guilty. Any ideas for ways to stop?

Dear Porned,

Many teens, especially guys, find themselves intrigued by such material. Your curiosity is normal, but one problem with pornography is that it's so degrading to women. Respectable women don't look or act like that. Looking at porn can indeed become addicting, but give yourself some credit: You've been able to stop for weeks at a time. Get yourself to sign off, and make plans with friends instead. You might even consider saying to your morn, "I stumbled onto a really gross site, and it's OK with me if you want to block that stuff." She'd probably be glad to change the parental controls or move the computer to a common area, no questions asked.

Dishonorable Discharge

Today, I saw some discharge in my underwear, I want to get my period but, when I saw that stuff, I felt really scared about the changes my body is going through. How can I deal without using pantiliners?

Dear Dishonorable Discharge, First off, why not use a pantiliner? It will protect your undies, and will give you peace of mind. Second, your anxiety is natural and normal. But all adult women have survived this, and you will too. Third, congrats--you're healthy and growing up.

Curvy Inside and Out

I have a mildly severe case of scoliosis and have to wear a brace every night. My doctor says it will probably be ineffective and I'll most likely have to have surgery. What should I do if I go to a sleepover and someone makes fun of me? One girl found out and called me Crooked Back. It made me feel deformed, and I got self-conscious about my uneven shoulders and rib hump. She thought it was just this big joke. Should I tell anybody else? Should I swear them to secrecy? I don't want anyone to think of me as a diseased girl.

Dear Curvy Inside and Out, I am so sorry that immature, insensitive girl made fun of you. How cruel of her! Luckily, most kids aren't so small-minded and mean-spirited. As you become more comfortable with your scoliosis, others will be more at ease too. When you do confide your condition to close friends, say something like, "It's not what I wanted, but it is what it is. Some people have braces on their teeth; I wear a brace on my back. I don't want you to spread the word to anyone else, but it's not like I'm ashamed of it either. I just want my friends to know, OK?" You are the same wonderful person you have always been, and you will get through this.

Sad Sister

My older brother dropped out of high school and began military training, where he got his G.E.D. Later, he graduated as a U.S. Marine and wound up in Iraq. He's been there a year. I miss him and understand anything could happen to him at any moment. How can I cope with the overwhelming sadness?

Dear Sad Sister, I wish for the safe return of your brother--and all the men and women serving overseas. Are you writing to your brother? I'm sure he appreciates every note, and it's OK to tell him you miss him. Stay optimistic and hopeful, and talk to your parents about your anxiety. You may also want to talk to an adult you trust outside the family, such as a counselor or teacher.

Don't Know How To Break The News

My boyfriend isn't acting as nice as he used to, and I don't like him anymore. I don't know how to break up with him and still be his friend. I don't want him to hate me for the rest of my life.

Dear Don't Know How To Break The News, If he's acting different, it's possible things have cooled off for him too. Consider saying, "I think we're better as friends than as a couple, don't you?" With a little tact, you can remain friendly rather than hurting each other. If he's really the kind of guy who would hate you forever, he isn't worth another minute of your energy.

Snuggles

My birthday is coming up, and my crush is coming to my party. I'm having a Fright Night theme, and we will be watching two horror films. Do you think it would be wrong if I snuggled up to him when I get scared? By the way, he knows I like him.

Dear Snuggles, Go for it. And Happy Birthday!

Annoyed

My parents say I don't listen to them. Well, the thing is, they don't listen to me. When ! try to talk to them, I have to yell 100 times to get their attention. It gets annoying! They just zone me out, interrupt me or get mad for no reason.

Dear Annoyed, I'd bet your yelling gets on their nerves too! Next time you're about to lose it, take a sec, pretend you're talking to your BFF's parents and phrase things in a calmer way. The more respectful you act with them, the more respectful they'll be with you. So if you are about to whine, "For the millionth time, 'When is dinner?'" try, "I have a question: What time are we eating? I want to be home in time." How you say it counts as much as what you say.

Carol Weston's four novels include The Diary of Melanie Martin and Melanie in Manhattan (Knopf). Her advice books include Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You and For Girls Only (HarperCollins). Her website is carolweston.com. Write to Dear Carol, Girls' Life, 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21214, or e-mail her by logging on to girlslife.com and clicking on "Dear Carol."

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