Dear Carol.

Dear Carol,

I am 12, but my body looks a lot older. Guys never talk to me or hang out with me ... until I have on a bathing suit. When I go to the pool with my girl friends, I am usually correct when I say, "Here come the boys."

I'm Not My Body

Dear I'm Not My Body,

These years can be exasperating! Fortunately, guys and girls keep growing up--emotionally and physically--and, one day, this situation will be different. For now, you could throw a T-shirt over your bikini, shop for a swimsuit that downplays your curves or figure out where you could enjoy a girls-only swim. Better still would be to take a deep breath and recognize that just about every girl is self-conscious about breast size, underarm hair, height, weight or an otherwise changing body. While your bod may feel foreign to you now, you will eventually feel more comfortable in your skin. And once everyone hits puberty, no one will care who got there first.

Dear Carol,

My sister and I talk about everything and laugh about the stupidest stuff but, lately, we've been down each other's throats. She recently kissed a boy she had just met (her first kiss). Now, she says she needs to find someone else to kiss. To me, this sounds skanky. I confronted her in a nice way, telling her she doesn't want to be portrayed as a slut. She went ballistic! Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. Please help me before I lose my best friend.

Said the Wrong Thing

Dear Said the Wrong Thing, Your sister surely respects your opinion--which is why your words hurt her. You're lucky you have each other and a relationship in which you can speak your mind. Don't worry about having given her something to think about. You're right that she should not seem so casual about kissing. Next time you weigh in, though, choose your words more carefully. Right now, an apology and hug might help you two get back on track. Tell your sister you're sorry or write a note: "I can't believe I said that to you. You're the best sister and friend a girl could have, and I'm sorry it upset you." Is it possible that, deep down, you feel a little jealous of your sister's newfound connection with boys? If so, don't worry. You two are tight and, while romance comes and goes, siblings are forever.

Dear Carol,

My boyfriend broke up with me right before I had to leave for camp. I still haven't let go--I want to work on our relationship. The thing is, he never talked to me much when we were together. Even during School, we never saw each other very often. How can I be the girl of his dreams?

Heartbroken 

Dear Heartbroken,

I'm sorry you're feeling down. But instead of holding onto the threads of this worn-down romance, get out a pretend pair of scissors and--snip!--set yourself free. Really, why try to be the girl of his dreams when you can have dreams of your own? Look toward the future instead of the past, and have fun talking to new friends at summer camp rather than fretting about a guy who wasn't even all that communicative in the first place. Stay busy, laugh a lot, and don't let memories of this ex hold you back from having a great summer--starting now.

Dear Carol,

This kinda geeky guy is obsessed with me. He gives me compliments and presents, and tells me how much I mean to him. It's flattering but sort of creepy. I don't like him, but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Someone Get This Guy A Hobby

Dear Someone Get This Guy A Hobby,

I admire you for not wanting to hurt him, but your feelings are important too. If you think you're being stalked, tell an adult. But if his attentions are more bothersome than threatening, be a little less friendly and avoid running into him. He offers you another gift? Say, "I don't feel comfortable accepting this because I don't want to give you the wrong idea." Be sure you aren't giving him confusing signals. It might ultimately be kinder to act lukewarm or aloof rather than polite and friendly. Age-old trick: Tell him about a new crush or boyfriend.

Dear Carol,

I'm so mad at my parents. I feel I need to backtalk them because they have rules that don't make sense. All I want is to be alone, but I never have privacy. I hate it. Can you tell me what to do?

Going Crazy

Dear Going Crazy,

It's normal to feel frustrated with your parents. But they make rules because they love you, not because they're mean. If you slam doors, cry or say, "Leave me alone!" or, "You don't get it!" the fighting gets worse for everybody. If, instead, you say, "I see your point," or, "I'll join you in a few minutes, OK?" this should work much better. When your morn or dad says something to you, imagine for a sec that it's your best friend's parent saying the same thing--it probably wouldn't bug you half as much, right? So give your parents some slack, and I hope they'll do the same for you. Have you ever heard adults talk about finding their "inner child"? Find your "inner adult." If you act less mad, your parents might too.

Dear Carol,

I have been waiting a long time to have breasts, and I get jealous of my friends who have them. When will it happen?

Waiting Forever

Dear Waiting Forever,

You have breasts--they just aren't as big as you wish. There's no way of knowing if or when they'll grow. You envy your friends' curves, but they probably envy certain attributes you have. I spent years wishing my boobs were bigger until I finally realized I could either feel sorry for myself forever or get over it and be an active, confident small-on-top woman. Look in the mirror, and give yourself a thumbs-up too. Appreciate your reflection--no matter what your bra size.

Dear Carol,

I have a disappointing feeling about my dad and future stepmom, I'm not too hip about their getting married, I'm afraid if I tell my dad how I feel, he'll get mad at me, And what if he tells her?

Want A Happy Ending

Dear Carol,

I'm 13 and have been sort of going with this guy for about three weeks. I met him online. My morn doesn't know we are together, and I'm scared to tell her. My friends aren't pleased, but I really like him. He might come to my hometown soon, and I want my friends to give him a chance. Help me!

Scared

Dear Scared,

Sometimes, fear is your friend. Even if you were twice your age, I'd have misgivings. It's too easy to project your wishes and needs onto a mystery online guy. What makes you sure he's even a teen? You could be e-mailing someone who's a potential danger. Maybe you don't want to confide in your morn because you know what she'll say--and that she'd be right. If you've given this "boy" your address, tell an adult right away. Be glad you have sensible friends, and stop the e-mails. Many girls have flirted online with someone who turned out to be a creep--or a criminal.

Dear Want A Happy Ending,

Transitions are hard, but talk to your dad. Don't say, "How could you marry her? I hate her guts!" Try, "Dad, I'm happy for you, but I'm nervous. Will you and I still get time together, just us?" Whatever your concerns are, state them. If you start by telling your dad you're happy for him, it's more likely he will hear you out. Your future stepmother probably wants to get along with you. Reach out to her, and plan to see a movie or listen to music. Even just saying, "Want to play cards?" could be surprisingly bonding.

Dear Carol,

I have some goody-goody friends who are really nice, but we don't have anything in common. I've changed since middle school, and they stayed the same. I have to watch my mouth around them and can't act crazy because they're so sane. I have more fun with my new wilder friends, but I want to stay on good terms with the old friends. The two groups don't get along at all.

Changed

Dear Changed,

All your friends do not have to like each other, and you don't have to choose between them. I'll bet you'd regret dumping the old crowd. You (and they) will keep changing, and you might find yourselves close again someday-so don't cut ties. Is the new group distracting you from a straighter course? Think about this, and give yourself permission to enjoy the best of everybody in your orbit.

Dear Carol,

I can't swallow pills unless they're tiny. Last time I tried, I stressed out and lost tons of sleep. My parents tell me it's all in my head, but am I the only one who can't swallow pills?

Can't

Dear Can't,

No, you're not--which is why so many medications come in chewable or liquid forms. Be patient and, eventually, you should learn to relax and swallow pills-without high drama. Try taking a pill with a spoonful of yogurt or applesauce. Another technique: Take a big sip of water, tilt back your head, drop in the capsule, and quickly swallow.

Carol Weston's new novel Melanie in Manhattan is the fourth in her diary series about the adventures of Melanie Martin, age II (Knopf). Carol's advice books for older girls include Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You and For Girls Only (HarperCollins). Her Web site is carolweston.com. You can also write Carol c/o Girls' Life, 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21214. For a reply, include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. She is sorry she can't answer every question personally.