Dear Carol.

Dear Carol,

My boyfriend and I have been going out for two months. His parents found out, and they don't want me to be with him. When they didn't know we were going out, they treated me like family and I was over there a lot. I love my BF. How can I convince his parents to let me be with him?

Banned from BF

Dear Banned,

Ouch. It's hard not to take his parents' attitude personally. But, chances are, your BF's folks are just in shock that their son is someone's (anyone's!) boyfriend. Perhaps they also feel betrayed because they were left in the dark about you guys. Ask your boyfriend to tell his parents how much he likes you (and why), and also that you two are not rushing things or being irresponsible. Next time you see his parents, be extra courteous and respectful. Do your parents know about your relationship? If they invite your boyfriend to dinner or to a family outing, his family may warm up too.

Dear Carol,

My best friend and best guy friend are dating. Now I feel like I can't talk to my guy friend without my girl friend getting jealous. Whenever I hang out with them, I feel like a third wheel.

Third Wheel

Dear Third Wheel,

Remind your BFF that you've been her boyfriend's friend for ages and don't want that to change. And tell him that even though you're glad he and she found each other, you still care about the bond you and he share. And now, sigh, tell yourself it's natural to feel a little jealous of their new closeness. Give them "couple time," and try to see each of them solo because, unfortunately, three can be a crowd. Still, there's no reason your previous friendships should grind to a halt.

Dear Carol,

One of my friends is feeling left out of our clique. She told me that she feels I'm "the center of attention," and that I steal the spotlight from her. How can we make her feel part of the group?

Want To Make Everybody Happy

Dear WTMEH,

It's impossible to make everybody happy. Really. If someone feels jealous or left out, it's not necessarily your fault ... or your problem to solve. Besides, does one girl have to be the "center of attention"? Continue to include the left-out girl in group activities, but drop the guilt. You clearly care about the feelings of others--and friends can't ask for much more than that.

Dear Carol,

This is lame, but I really want a kiss. It's all I think about, and it's driving me nuts! To top it off, this guy likes me but I am not sure if I like him in return.

All Fuzzy Inside

Dear Fuzzy,

If you're not sure you like a guy, don't talk yourself into snuggling with him--no matter what your urges and no matter how he feels. A first kiss should mean something--all kisses should. The other pair of lips need to be attached to someone worthy--someone you care about and who cares about you and won't spread rumors or dump you the next day. I'm not saying to wait forever for Prince Charming to gallop up. But if you hang in there, someone special will come along, and you'll be glad you didn't waste that kiss on a guy you're not even sure you like.

Dear Carol,

I have a problem with hitting people when I'm angry. Recently, my stepbrother got me mad, and I slapped him on the back, leaving a handprint. If I do it again, I have to move to my mom's. I don't want to leave my dad.

A Big Problem

Dear A Big Problem,

You've already taken a big step by acknowledging your problem and wanting to fix it. If your school has a counselor, it might help to talk to her about how to control your anger. You can also pour out your emotions in a diary or play a sport--these are healthy ways to let off steam. Next time you feet mad or frustrated, walk away or use your words to say, "I'm angry, and here's why." Maybe you're angry about your dads' re-marriage. If so, realize your stepbrother has to adjust to this new family too. You two have something in common. Looking, even briefly, from his viewpoint, can help lessen your anger toward him.

Dear Carol,

My friend is really nice to me when we're alone. But in a group, she ignores me. Should I stay friends with her?

Ignored

Dear Ignored,

How about pointing this situation out to her and seeing if things improve? Don't whine or shout, "You always ignore me at school!" Simply say, "Sometimes I feel ignored by you when we're in a group," and hear what she has to say. Meanwhile, seek out other friendships. You can't force this girl to act friendly, so it won't hurt to make some new friends.

Dear Carol,

My dad has a girlfriend who is 20 years younger than he is. She is only going out with him for the money. I know because she and her son were going to move in with us, but she changed her mind when my dad lost his job. Should I tell my dad what she's doing to him?

Worried

Dear Worried,

Try having a give-and-take conversation with your dad about the issue rather than telling him what "she's doing to him." You will feel better if you open up to him, especially since this relationship affects your life so directly. Tell him you'd like to have a talk, and perhaps he can ease some of your concern about what's going on. It's possible his girlfriend changed her mind about moving in because she did not want to put any additional financial burden on your dad or because of some other factors. It can be hard on girls when a parent makes a big dating decision--honest conversation can help.

Dear Carol,

I absolutely hate shopping and makeup and talking about boys. But all my friends love all that kind of stuff. I love video games. I love football. And I like to dress in sports shorts and any old tee. My friends refer to me as the "tomboy," and I don't like that either.

Not "Tomboy"

Dear Not,

Your friends may be calling you "tomboy" affectionately, but I certainly understand your not wanting to feel labeled. Let your friends know, one at a time, that you don't like that nickname. But also try to appreciate them and their interests. Are you sure "all" of them "love all that kind of stuff"? Maybe each of you is more complex than anybody else realizes.

Dear Carol,

Lately, I feel very depressed. Whenever a friend invites me over, I get scared and make up an excuse so I don't have to go. What's wrong with me? I actually cry and beg my mom not to make me go to my best friend's house. My behavior isn't normal, is it?

Depressed

Dear Depressed,

I don't think anyone is 100-percent normal. Nonetheless, all this anxiety is making life hard for you. Ask your parents to find a therapist for you. Talk to her or him about your fears and how to manage them. Your discomfort would be expected if, for instance, all your friends were suddenly pressuring you to try alcohol, or if you and your friends were in a fight. But your worries are likely more complicated, and sorting things out with a trained professional can help. You owe it to yourself to untie the knots. You deserve to feel better, braver, and more lighthearted. And you'll get there.

Dear Carol,

My good friend has changed. She is boy crazy and has done very, very bad things with her boyfriend. They've been seeing each other for only a couple months and are already doing all kinds of inappropriate things. She is only 14. I am so worried about her, but I don't want to say to make her stop. I just want my friend back!

Lost My Friend

Dear Friend,

It can be close to impossible to change a friend's actions, especially if she doesn't want to change. But you can let her know how you feel about what she's been doing. You can say, "I really care about you, so I just hope you are being careful and not getting in over your head." If you sound concerned (rather than judgmental or jealous or left out), she may listen. You can also tell her you're worried because sexually transmitted diseases are common and nearly one million teen girls get pregnant every year. Finally, make sure she knows you miss her. Plan to spend Saturday shopping, catching a movie or taking a run in the park.

Dear Carol,

For my birthday, I got a cool makeup-and-body care set. I'm so excited to have my own stuff. I'm getting too old for sharing the things my mom wants to share (for instance, deodorants, razors and soaps). I've tried to talk to her, but she always says, "That's what mothers and daughters do."

Private Property

Dear Private Property,

If your mom gave you the new loot, then she probably knows you're ready for your own bathroom stash. If someone else gave you the gift, well, I agree that sharing with Mom can sometimes be a bit too much! It may be hard for her to accept, but next time you two are walking around the drugstore together try, "Hey, Mom, I love you, but I'm growing up. I'd really like to have some of my own razors and stuff. I hope you understand." (And by the way, sharing razors and makeup with people is not a good idea because of the risk of infection).

Carol Weston is author of With Love From Spain, Melanie Martin; The Diary of Melanie Martin; and Melanie Martin Goes Dutch (Knopf); as well as For Teens Only; Girltalk; For Girls Only; and Private and Personal (HarperCollins). Her website is carolweston.com. You can write Carol c/o Girls' Life 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD, 21214. For a reply, include a stamped self-addressed envelope. Carol is sorry she can't answer every question personally.