David Short reports from Johannesburg: media critic unbashful about South African TV. (Territories).

The British used to boast that they had "the best television in the world." It used to puzzle me as a kid in the U.K. how those doing the boasting knew. Had they sampled all the TV in the world? On the other hand, I feel sure of what country has probably the worst television of the developed world.

It has to be South Africa, where I have been living for about a year. I feel qualified to judge, having traveled to more than 20 countries as a media journalist.

Now, how or why is South Africa's TV so awful? Let me count the ways.

First of all, the airwaves are dominated by government-owned license-fee supported TV networks. Of the four free-to-air stations, no less than three are run by the South African Broadcasting Corporation -- SABC1, SABC2 and SABC3. The fourth is a relative newcomer, e.tv. Also on offer, with a decoder, is M-Net, which mainly shows movies. South Africa's love affair with license-fee TV is inherited from its original ties to two European countries: the U.K. and the Netherlands. In South Africa, the situation is such that you cannot even buy a TV set without showing your license at the store.

Viewer choice is very much influenced by the all-powerful and politically-correct ANC government, and the effect is seen most clearly in its news programs, whose editors dare not offend their masters.

So what are all those SABC channels serving up? Some U.S. product, but probably not as much as people would like -- if they had the choice. And that is one of the root causes of South Africa's TV being so bad. The scant primetime U.S. offerings across the three government-owned channels for the week include: Ally McBeal, Touched by An Angel, the Geena Davis Show, Dharma and Greg, Law & Order, and not much else. Over on e.tv, U.S. product is virtually non-existent. South Africa, however, has not escaped the concept show globalization that has occurred in recent years, so local versions of Big Brother, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Survivor, Oprah copycats and others have aired.

Locally-produced rival to Millionaire, Greed, was so deeply embarrassing and poorly done, you wanted to shoot the presenter just to put him out of his misery.

And the home-grown soaps that dominate primetime simply bring tears to the eyes. One of the worst offenders is Generations, which runs at 8 p.m., Monday to Friday, on SABC1. The central problem with Generations is its wishful thinking about South African society, and so it is no coincidence that it is produced by a government TV station. It reflects a middle-class society with blacks, whites and Asians happily mixing socially and in business. Eight years after the birth of the "new South Africa", that society still does not exist. One of Generations' leading black actors recently left the show, claiming white writers could not create convincing parts for blacks.

Just about everything a South African TV producer touches turns to dross. For example, one of the cleverest and funniest things in South Africa is a newspaper cartoon called "Madame and Eve." The strip follows the daily lives of a white Madame, her mother and a cunning black maid, Eve. As a comic strip, it is sharply observant and satirical about the new South Africa. When e.tv converted "Madame and Eve" into a sitcom, however, it simply became a trite farce.

That station is also famous for screening movies an hour or more later than advertised, and frequently shows a different movie anyhow. Movie reviewer, Barry Ronge, gave up including start times for e.tv movies in his Sunday "Times Pick of the Week" newspaper column.

On a positive note, since the SABC channels take ads as well as having a license fee and Johannesburg has offshoots of the major U.S. and U.K. ad agencies, the quality of the ads is better than that of home-grown shows.