Darker my love.

I MET TIM PRESLEY THROUGH KEN KIRBY. Ken and I were both dating the same girl--after we figured this out, we decided it would be in our best interests to start a band. Tim was going to be in this band with us; it was going to be called Model American. Tim and I became buddies quickly, and like all friends we have gone through the good and bad, black and white, night and day, gay and straight, etc. It's been 10 years since that band started, and now my mijo has a new band. After many line up changes (old members include Marlon Brando, Dante Sigona, Sean Presley, and even Jesus Christ's brother Jim), Tim's pulled together three great dudes. Jared Everett, former member of The Lyres, is killer and can't see without his glasses. Rob has a giant beard, which can catch cattle as well as food. And Sean can sing like a cherub. This interview was done at my place while under lots of stress and cigarette smoke. Left to right: Rob Barbato (Bass), Shawn McDonald (Drums), Jared Everett (Guitar), Tim Presley (Guitar and vocals).

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Tim, what were your first impressions of Jared and Rob?

Well, I thought Rob was going to chop my trees down for me. I really had no impression of Jared other than being stoked on his sick leather.

In Chicago, what did Sean write under that painting after we took it off the wall?

He wrote "Let's Rock" and "Colors."

Why "Colors?"

I don't know, it was all typical "Tour 2004" shit. Colors is a pretty good word, a little left of your typical wall tag. It looked pretty good in black ink, though.

Do you remember the time when you pissed on my head while I was puking? Can you explain how you felt?

I felt if there was any time to do it, that was the time. See, I wanted you to get the full experience of total hell ... I also thought you might need the nutrients--friends in need, you know?

Why do you like sharks so much?

Because they can really fuck you up.

Would you say you're a shark?

No, but when I die I want to come back as one. I want to be a bull shark; they can survive in both fresh and salt water. I'd swim around India because everyone bathes in the ocean and I could score a lot of clean Indian food.

If you had a screen saver for your brain, what would it look like?

Like when my brain's off?

Yeah.

Hmm, let's see ... Winged pigs wearing Sunglasses; Raybans! That or Jesus sliding head-first into home plate.

Speaking of Pete Rose, would you say his nickname could be yours too?

Oh, Charlie Hustle? E-40 already took it.

If you could be any blood type, what kind would it be?

Type O negative, only because they cover "Summer Breeze."

Have you ever slept with a TV?

Yes I have. I even put it on its side so I could watch the tube while I was horizontal

Tim, can you wash a herpe?

Yeah, but it's not gonna work. You're better off putting tape over it, or a mini Baskin-Robbins football helmet depending on the size.

You guys are not from LA and neither are the others. Tell me why is Darker My Love from LA?

We all left our respective houses with a guitar and a dream. Nobody had a compass so we all ended up there and met on the set of Fear Factor.

Are you bummed that Shaq isn't on the Lakers anymore?

Hell yeah. Now the regional Shaq pack at Burger King won't be available to me.

Do you think that Hendrix is in Heaven or Hell?

Hell.

No way dude, he's in Heaven, with all of the LSD that dude took. His soul was totally prepared.

No dude, turns out he was a speed freak. Speed, Andy, is the Devil's drug. Speed helped all that nasty finger play. Seriously, Andy, Hendrix was an alien. He came from a planet where all the dudes' dicks were guitars. So when he came to Earth, all he was doing really was jerking off on everyone. So we just ate his cum, it's that easy.

OK, let's do a little word association ... Hippies.

Sugar magnolia.

Pope's nose.

Last part of the turkey to make it over the fence.

Willie Nelson.

Mandella.

Stevie Wonder.

Brewed.

Jared.

Minnietonka moccasins.

Rob.

Mexican prison.

Tim.

Steely Dan.

Sean.

Colors.