DOWN UNDER, OR OVER THE TOP?

Byline: KAREN CROUSE

It's Think Azure Week at Digger Stadium, or haven't you heard? The dismissals of general manager Fred Claire, manager Bill Russell and coaches Mark Cresse, Glenn Gregson and Reggie Smith were just the opening fireworks in Fox's parody of the annual celebration of all that is time-honored in the organization formerly known as the Dodgers.

There's plenty more upheaval where those firings came from. Take the team name. Dodger sounds too much like codger if you're Australian Rupert Murdoch, an eccentric man whose Fox Group took over ownership of the team at the season's start.

The players are under Murdoch's command now. So why not call them Diggers, after an Australian soldier? Change a vowel here, a consonant there, and faster than a Raul Mondesi cutoff throw you no longer will be able to OD on tradition.

The jerseys will have to be altered to accommodate the new lettering. So why not revamp the color scheme, too? As sure as lanes clogged with eggshell and eggplant-colored minivans stretch before you on the way to the ballpark, primary colors are passe.

Blue will do but only if it's the color of the sky, which is the limit to which the Fox Group will go to remake the team in its image.

The players should be sweating - if they aren't already as a result of their woeful first-half performance - so make the jerseys doubleknits, like the ones the late contrarian Charlie Finley once forced upon his Oakland A's.

Come to think of it, one of Charlie O's day-glo baseballs might help Wilton Guerrero pick up the ball better at the plate and in the field, cutting down on both his strikeouts and errors. It's too bad a few of those can't be dug out of mothballs and flown to L.A. in time for tonight's start of a three-game series at home against the Pittsburgh Pirates.

While on the subject of equipment, Murdoch's minions, inspired by USC's championship run at this year's College World Series, are reportedly looking into the possibility of switching from wood to aluminum bats.

Oh, sure, it'll raise a ruckus within the league's ranks, with Ted Turner undoubtedly leading the rush to discredit the freewheeling Fox Group. But, realistically, how else is the team formerly known as the Dodgers going to be able to compete with the likes of Turner's Atlanta Braves and the division-leading San Diego Padres?

Desperate times call for desperate measures. That's why Murdoch's minions also are thinking of summoning some regulars from Fox's kiddie-cartoon lineup to bolster the team's pitching. It sometimes works with sitcoms so why not make synergy part of the overall baseball strategy? A rotation of Candy, Gold, Gorgeous and Red Ranger surely would be unhittable as the batters wouldn't be able to stop laughing long enough to take a swing.

Of serious concern to the players formerly known as the Dodgers are the murals that surfaced this year at the ballpark. There was one of catcher Mike Piazza, and he was traded. There's another of pitcher Ramon Martinez, and he's out for the season with a rotator-cuff injury.

At this rate, the artists ought to consider switching to washable markers. Or better yet, if it's a little bit of color that's needed inside the stadium, dispense with the artwork altogether and plant boxes of wattle blossoms, the national flower of Australia.

At the concession stands, look for Kangaroo burgers to replace Dodger dogs any day now. You'll be able to wash them down with Fosters beer.

And mark our words, the time is near when reliever Scott Radinsky will both start and finish a game. The Simi Valley High product will sing the national anthem as you've never quite heard it before with his punk band Pulley, then trot out from the bullpen in the bottom of the ninth with one-out, one-on and a one-run lead.

Calling the game from high above home plate will be the X-Files' Dana Scully, not Vin. You knew it was just a matter of time before he was ushered out like all the rest, his mellifluous voice destined to resurface eventually on the daytime cartoon Ninja Turtles.

At some point, it might get too much, this thumbing of tradition, and you'll find yourself humming bars from Tommy Roe's ``Dizzy'' even as Tommy Lasorda stands before you, effusing over some minor-league player who has just been promoted to the team formerly known as the Dodgers.

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Photo

PHOTO Fred Claire, a 30-year Dodgers employee, addresses the media at his Wednesday press conference.

Tim Berger/Associated Press