DOUBLING UP ON DADDIES MORE GAY-MALE COUPLES TURN TO SURROGATES FOR FATHERHOOD.

Byline: Nancy Dillon

Staff Writer

Oliver Goldstick was crazy about the surrogate who had agreed to carry a baby for him and his partner, Bud Leslie. But what she was asking, he couldn't do.

It was August 2002, and the time had come for a doctor to try implanting three embryos that had been fertilized with the gay couple's sperm.

The surrogate had traveled to Los Angeles from Idaho for the procedure, and she stood in her room at Le Meridien hotel in Beverly Hills asking the prospective fathers to help administer a preparatory shot of progesterone, a hormone that prepares the uterus for implantation.

"It's like a horse needle that goes in the buttocks. I saw it and said, 'Oh my God!'" recalled Goldstick, a 46-year-old writer/producer on the hit ABC show "Ugly Betty." "I had to wait outside. I was so scared I would hurt her. I wasn't very brave."

Leslie gave the shot. And the surrogate, a college professor from Coeur d'Alene, went on to carry the couple's biological son Jonathan, now a rambunctious and musically inclined redhead about to celebrate his fourth birthday.

The Los Feliz couple used eggs donated by a University of Southern California student who chose to remain anonymous. Doctors fertilized some of the eggs with Oliver's sperm and some with Bud's. They then chose the most viable embryos from each batch for the implantation, giving each man a shot at being the biological father.

After a

follow-up attempt with another surrogate that failed, the couple had a second biological son named Simon with the help of a third surrogate from Kansas in 2005.

The USC student was the donor for both boys.

"It was a crash course in pregnancy and female biology," Goldstick said. "We had to learn about everything. Like ovulation. I knew nothing about that before."

Goldstick and Leslie are part of a growing number of gay men who are choosing to be the biological parents to their children. Such a choice has long been much easier for lesbian women, who don't usually require surrogates. But for gay men, it's unconventional and pioneering territory.

Indeed, the choice is fraught with complex financial, legal and biological questions. Finding the right egg donor, a suitable surrogate and seeing the process through to fruition can take years. And full-service agencies that coordinate with donors, surrogates, lawyers, insurance providers and hospitals say clients should expect to spend $130,000 to $150,000.

Still, more and more men see the process as the fulfillment of an inherent and fundamental longing to become a parent.

Growing Generations, a full-service L.A. company whose clients are 99percent gay men, recently celebrated the birth of its 500th baby. Its services are in higher demand every year, with clients delivering 85 babies last year compared with just 44 babies in 2000, company president Gail Taylor said.

"Gay men are realizing it's not something they have to give up or grieve," Taylor said. "They never have to let go of that innate desire to be a biological parent."

"I think adoption is wonderful. One of my brothers is adopted. But I felt really drawn to having children that were biologically my own," said Alan Bernstein, a 42-year-old West Hollywood single father of three. "Growing up in a fairly nontraditional house (with a gay parent) can be somewhat challenging, so I thought it might be a bit easier not to have the added challenges of adoption."

Bernstein, a residential property manager, worked with Growing Generations for both the March2004 surrogacy birth of his son, Isaac, and the birth of his 14-month-old twin daughters, Naomi and Natalie.

"There's so much excitement with the whole process," said Dr. Peyman Banooni, a Beverly Hills obstetrician-gynecologist who is developing a growing practice with gay-male couples. "I love working with all my patients, but with gay couples, it's something that's a little harder to attain, so it's extra gratifying."

Many surrogates actually prefer working with gay men, mainly because they don't have to tiptoe around a woman who has suffered from infertility.

"I'm not sure I'd still have a relationship with the (twins I carried) if I had worked with a heterosexual couple," said Rhonda, a 36-year-old surrogate from San Bernardino who declined to give her last name. "The woman might feel threatened by me and cut me off completely."

Rhonda also enjoyed the perks of working with an affluent gay couple.

Her $20,000 fee helped pay off all her debt and put her in a position to buy a house that she will share with her two teenagers.

And even before the implantation process started, the couple began showering her with designer gifts, including an expensive leather handbag from Coach.

Of course, not all gay men hoping to start a family have the means or desire to go through the surrogacy process. But many still want to be there for as much of the pregnancy as possible.

Dan Bucatinsky and Don Roos of Beverly Hills are preparing to adopt their second child in September from the same 22-year-old Wisconsin woman who mothered their 2-year-old daughter, Eliza.

Last week, they were gearing up for the three-month ultrasound appointment.

"I hope we can find out the sex," Bucatinsky, a 37-year-old actor and writer, said with all the enthusiasm of any expectant father.

"It might be a little early. But we're hopeful."

The men, who are working with Century City adoption lawyer David Radis, said they felt honored that the woman, a fan of Bravo's "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," had chosen them for another adoption.

"I was really impressed with the toll that this takes on a woman's body. The weight gain and the complications. The varicose veins, the fatigue. We got more and more grateful the more we saw what the process of birth is," said Roos, the 51-year-old screenwriter who wrote 1998's "The Opposite of Sex."

"Yeah, I still haven't lost the birth weight," Bucatinsky joked as he juggled Eliza in one hand and a colorful toy candy dispenser in the other. "I kept putting on the pounds with stress."

Nancy Dillon, [phone]

[e-mail]

Where to begin fatherhood

Gay men on a quest to become biological fathers can go with a full-service agency or find their own lawyer, donor, surrogate and doctor.

Here are some local options contacted for this story:

FULL SERVICE COMPANY

Growing Generations

5757 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 601

Los Angeles, CA 90036

[phone]

LAWYER

David Radis (specializes in family formation law)

1901 Avenue of the Stars

Los Angeles, CA 90067

[phone]

DOCTOR

Dr. Peyman Banooni

150 N. Robertson Blvd., Suite 200

Beverly Hills, CA 90211

[phone]

CAPTION(S):

7 photos, box

Photo:

(1 -- cover -- color) ON THE COVER: Alan Bernstein of West Hollywood with son Isaac and twin daughters Naomi and Natalie.

(2) Bucatinsky and Roos with adopted daughter Eliza and Dr. Peyman Banooni, the obstetrician-gynecologist who is treating the biological mother of Eliza and her soon-to-be sibling.

(3) Beverly Hills couple Dan Bucatinsky, 37, left, and Don Roos, 51, are preparing to adopt their second child from the same woman who mothered their adopted daughter, Eliza, 2.

(4) Will Halm, left rear, chairman of Growing Generations, and his partner, Marcellin Simard, have three biological children from surrogate mothers: Luc, front left, Harley and Malina.

(5 -- 7) Oliver Goldstick and photos of his biological sons, Simon, left, and Jonathan, above.

Tina Burch/Staff Photographer

Box:

Where to begin fatherhood (see text)