DOO-DAH DAY; ODD PROCESSION HAS TWO TIMES THE TOILET HUMOR.

Byline: Nick P. Divito

The royals are flushed.

Queen Commoda-Moda and the King of Crap thought they would be the only ones rolling along the 1998 Doo Dah Parade route atop their larger-than-life toilets.

They were wrong.

``I have recently heard there's another toilet entry,'' said Joanne Rector, coordinator for the 12-foot-tall edifice that Queen Commoda-Moda will ride.

Her voice grew stern after thinking about the competition: ``There won't be a cat fight, but I think there will be some commode commotion.''

And in the true fashion of one-upmanship, the self-proclaimed King of Crap, a k a Gil Yanuck, is quick to point out that his toilet is going to be bigger than his competitor - standing 16 feet tall.

``We've got the giant of all giant toilets,'' he said. ``It's going to be a head-to-head competition. If a cat fight is what (Rector) wants, a cat fight she'll get.''

Lock up your children and stash the valuables. The 22nd Doo Dah Parade is coming Sunday to Pasadena.

The parade promises a host of odd and amusing sights, from the ever-popular Barbecue and Hibachi Marching Grill Team, to the Graveyard Farmers and a parading gaggle of Dead Rose Queens.

But never before in the parade's history have two - count 'em two - colossal commodes entered the parade.

``We need to look at this dueling toilet thing in sociological terms,'' said Tom Coston, executive director of the Light-Bringer Project, the Pasadena-based arts group that has staged the parade for the past three years. ``There's something to be said here.''

``Everybody loves toilet humor,'' Rector said. ``Either that, or it takes only the brazen to show up in public with a toilet.''

While the battle raged on the parade-front, evil conspirators seethed in a secret room in a distant corner of Pasadena as if they were the members of the Legion of Doom.

They cackled. They wrung their hands. They shifted their brows in defiance. They guffawed at the ``other'' parade in Pasadena.

But never once do they utter those spine-tingling words: Tournament of Roses.

``We don't say their name,'' Coston said. ``It's the `other' parade,'' using his fingers to mark quotations in the air.

There will be no Rose Queens in this parade - well, not live ones, anyway. No pomp. No pageantry.

Lotsa hot dogs, though, courtesy of the Barbecue and Hibachi Marching Grill Team. The squad of about 35 people will be smoking down the parade route, a menagerie of bratwurst-wielding Grillmen, Condiment Girls and dancing Briquettes.

``The girls must perform simple dance routines along the parade route in an attempt to appease the barbecue gods,'' said Scott Coady of Ventura.

Because unhappy gods are ... well ... unhappy.

Together, they will serve 1,000 wienies donated by Farmer John.

Such tomfoolery is what attracted this year's grand marshals, Culture Clash, a comedy troupe known for its fusion of theatrics, comedy and film.

``This is right up our alley,'' said Herbert Siguenza, who along with Ric Montoya and Richard Salinas serve as figureheads for this year's parade.

The group is mulling over its options to parade down the Old Pasadena route in a low-rider.

``But no dead bodies in the trunk,'' Salinas has promised.

The trio is second banana to this year's Doo Dah Queen, Tequila Mockingbird, a 6-foot-tall chanteuse.

``I'm totally nervous,'' Mockingbird said. ``But I've been watching Queen Elizabeth, so I know how to do it. I'm ready.''

She promised to be decked out in something big and fluffy, but the rest of her ensemble is a surprise.

``A lady never tells,'' she said.

Being the queen is the realization of a long-standing dream for Mockingbird.

``I've always had an ambition to be queen of just about anything. A small country, a classroom, the United States. The world. I've always wanted to add queen to my title,'' she said.

Is she OK being the queen of freaks?

``I am a freak,'' she said. ``Being queen of the freaks is fine with me. I am, after all, queen of something.''

THE FACTS

What: The 22nd Doo Dah Parade.

Where: Begins at Pasadena's Memorial Park at the intersection of Holly Street and Raymond Avenue, traveling east on Colorado Boulevard and ending at Pasadena Avenue. Parade is followed by a celebration at Old Towne Pub, 66 N. Fair Oaks Ave.

When: 11:30 a.m. Sunday.

Cost: Free to those twisted enough to attend.

Information: [phone] or www.companyinfo.com/lightbringer on the Web.

Breakfast: The Pasadena Senior Center, at the start of the parade route (85 E. Holly St., Pasadena, 626-795-4331), will serve a pancake breakfast from 8 a.m. to noon Sunday. The full breakfast, including all-you-can-eat pancakes, costs $3.95, which goes toward holidays meals and gifts for area seniors.

CAPTION(S):

Photo

Photo: Members of the Barbecue and Hibachi Grill Team will smoke their way down Colorado Boulevard in this year's Doo Dah Parade.

John McCoy/Daily News