DON'T TOLERATE BOSS'S INSULTS.

Byline: KEN LLOYD On the Job

Q At a recent weekly management meeting, one of the managers, who is usually upbeat and positive, was extremely critical of everything I said, and his tone was condescending and insulting. I don't know what his problem was, but all of us noticed it. Should I say something, or figure it was one of those things and let it go? H.M.

A Perhaps your colleague was having one of those days, but that does not give him the right to give you one of those days. By saying nothing to him after he slammed you around the meeting, you set the stage for him to do it again next time.

The best time to let him know that you do not appreciate having him dump all of his baggage on you would have been right after the meeting. Once some time passes, this type of incident becomes very stale, and your colleague can fall into a state of denial or convenient forgetfulness. Now the best step is to be prepared for the next meeting.

If this meeting turns into a continuation of the abusive treatment, you should have a little private chat with this colleague afterward. Let him know that you have always enjoyed working with him, but you see a real change in the way he is treating you. If necessary, give him some examples. Tell him that you are concerned about his actions and about him, and then ask him if everything is all right.

The next step is to listen. You may hear defensiveness, denying, rationalizing or even an apology. No matter what path he selects, make sure that he understands that the path of continued abuse is closed.

Q I manage a department of professionals and provide them with a good deal of flexibility. If they need time off for personal business, they can take it. There is a problem with one employee who is excellent when she is here, but she misses too much work because she always has personal matters to tend to. How should I deal with her? R.A.

A It is never a great situation to have a full-time employee who seems to be working part-time. Some employees keep taking more and more personal time off until they are told to stop. In a word, your employee needs a stop sign.

You should meet with her and discuss the situation on an open, candid and professional basis. Let her know that you regard her as an excellent employee, but you are concerned about the amount of time that she is spending on personal business away from the job. You should be prepared to provide her with some specific examples.

Although you can come up with steps to correct the problem, such as by indicating that she needs to make more personal appointments during nonwork hours, it will be more effective for her to develop and commit to a specific plan to correct the problem. When employees come up with their own plan of improvement, they are far more likely to follow it.

If your employee shows some real improvement, be sure to give her positive feedback for doing so. After all, it should not be that difficult to find her.

Q I am looking for a job, and I get very nervous and stressed before every interview, and then I don't present myself as well as I could. Are there some ways to eliminate this nervousness? P.C.

A Whenever you present yourself in a truly important situation, you are going to experience some nervousness. The real issue is to learn to control it, rather than letting it control you.

In order to remove the preinterview jitters, you need to remove as much of the unknown as possible. One key way to do this is to anticipate the interviewer's questions. Obviously, you cannot predict all of them, but you can figure that you will be asked to describe the responsibilities of each of your recent positions, what you liked most, what you liked least, your major accomplishments, reasons for leaving, personal strengths and weakness, and your near-term and longer term objectives. At the same time, make sure that you have some good questions to ask.

You should also go through some practice interview sessions with a friend who can provide an honest critique. And, before you start any real interview, take a few deep breaths, tell yourself to relax, and then give yourself a brief positive message, such as, ``This will be a great interview.''

As a side note, no matter how nervous you are, don't forget about the interviewer. In this tight labor market, he or she might be nervous too. In fact, minutes before the interview, the interviewer may be uttering the same positive message as you.