DON'T BE FOOLED - 'DECEIT' ISN'T ALL THAT GREAT.

Byline: Evan Henerson Theater Critic

OK, SO HOW much can any self-respecting, non-plot-spoiling theater critic say about a three-character thriller without double-crossing - or even triple-crossing - a potential viewer's interest level?

Bruce Kimmel, a music producer of some renown, has written and directed a play called ``Deceit.'' It's safe to reveal that the title is an apt one, as the play's 100 minutes contain a death, a murder, a triangle and the frequent turning of tables.

More specifically, Kate, the beautiful widow of Jeffrey, who was lost at sea several months before the play begins, receives a visit from Jeffrey's best friend, Michael. Michael has a keepsake of Jeffrey, and a message to deliver. Things quickly take a turn for the thrilling.

Which about does it for the spoil-free plot. So how's about we make a few observations about ``Deceit,'' strongly encourage you to skip this production and be on our merry way.

1. With only three characters, and intrigue on the playwright's brain, options are severely limited. Thus, when a person is supposed to be dead/murdered early on, dollars to doughnuts says he/she actually isn't. And everybody knows it.

2. A careful schemer trusts his own eyes first, a videotape second. Stupidity and carelessness do not count as plot twists.

3. Officers from the New York Police Department, while undoubtedly very busy, are still more likely to show up to prevent a murder they know is going to happen, rather than arrive on the scene after the deed is done. Less paperwork.

The production itself? Oh, right ...

4. Matthew Ashford, playing the best friend, is a believable lothario who should decide either to do an English accent fully or drop it entirely.

5. Tammy Minoff, as the widow, is largely wooden until the plot requires her to be otherwise.

6. Greg Albanese as character No. 3 (three guesses who he's playing) makes what little use of stage time he has to convincingly portray a vengeful egghead.

7. Kimmel the director clearly wants laughs that Kimmel the writer doesn't supply. Having someone reference the title ``A Bowel in Two Movements'' isn't funny the first time or when it's repeated.

8. Ira Levin (author of ``Deathtrap,'') Anthony Schafer (``Sleuth'') and Rupert Holmes (``Accomplice'') all have done this kind of work infinitely better than Kimmel has. That is, unfortunately, no deceit.

Evan Henerson, [phone]

evan.henerson(at)dailynews.com

DECEIT - Two stars

Where: El Portal Theatre, 5269 Lankershim Blvd., North Hollywood.

When: 8 p.m. Thursday through Saturday, 2 p.m. Sunday; through Feb. 19.

Tickets: $25. Call [phone] or www.tix.com.

In a nutshell: A chemist mixing explosive elements couldn't stick more closely to a formula than Bruce Kimmel does with his twist-laden thriller.