DON'T MOCK THE AFFLICTED; BIZARRE AILMENTS ARE FAR FROM FUNNY FOR SUFFERERS.

Byline: By Lisa Adams

FORGET the common winter bugs that are flooring the nation - golf is the latest bizarre health risk to avoid.

As revealed in yesterday's Record, doctors are advising golfers to wear earplugs as the noise from their drivers could cause deafness.

The warning comes after a player, 55, visited hospital complaining of hearing loss and tinnitus.

The British Medical Journal has reported specialists found damage had been caused by the booming noise as his thin-faced, titaniumheaded driver struck his golf balls repeatedly, three times a week over 18 months.

Tests found titanium clubs produce greater noise levels than thicker-faced clubs, with the Ping g10 the worst offender.

But golf clubs are not the only unusual health hazard.

The world is packed full of weird medical conditions - all of which prove how remarkable the human body or mind can be.

Here is our pick:

MICROPSIA

Nicknamed Alice In Wonderland Syndrome, this condition makes people see the world in miniature.

Sufferers describe seeing objects close to them as if they were looking through the wrong end of a telescope.

Usually temporary, and linked to epilepsy and migraines, it is most common among five to 10-year-olds.

Alice In Wonderland author Lewis Carroll suffered migraines - perhaps when Alice shrunk through the rabbit hole, he was writing from experience.

You can also develop Macropsia, where objects appear bigger than they really are.

ALIEN HAND SYNDROME 

It sounds like something from a sci-fi comic, but records reveal about 100 people in the world currently suffer from this condition, in which they lose control of their hands.

One hand will independently perform complex and often aggressive actions - with undoing buttons and tearing off clothes among those reported.

Discovered in 1908 when a woman refused to sleep for fear of being strangled by her own left hand, it is also called Dr Strangelove Syndrome.

That is a nod to Stanley Kubrick's 1964 movie, in which Peter Sellers's weapons expert character had a mechanical hand which threw Nazi salutes and tried to kill him.

Scientists believe it is caused by two halves of the brain not working properly together, with some sufferers also having Alzheimer's, severe epilepsy or brain damage from a stroke.

There is no cure, but the syndrome can disappear on its own after the brain somehow reconnects itself.

CAPGRAS SYNDROME

This makes victims believe a loved one has been replaced by a double.

More common in women, at its most extreme it can cause psychosis in those who believe they are their own double.

Sufferers will recognise the face, but can't connect with the warm emotions usually linked with it. Triggered by damage to the right hemisphere of the brain after a drug overdose or a stroke, it can be treated with therapy and drugs.

HYPERTRICHOSIS

Evident from birth, sufferers grow hair all over their body, including their eyelids and ears - some even have a little hairy tail.

There is no cure, only cosmetic relief from hair removal.

The most famous case was Russian showman Fedor Jeftichew who, under the stage name JoJo the dog-faced boy, toured Europe in the 19th century.

GENITAL RETRACTION SYNDROME

Also known as Penis Panic, sufferers fear their genitals are disappearing into their bodies.

Psychiatrists believe it can be an extreme reaction to natural shrinking from the cold and it is most common where witchcraft is popular.

An epidemic struck Singapore in 1967, resulting in thousands of reported cases.

Government and medical officials alleviated the outbreak only by a massive campaign to reassure men.

It can be treated effectively with therapy and anti-anxiety drugs.

SYNESTHESIA 

This sensory confusion is thought to affect about four per cent of people.

Some hear sounds when they read, or see colours when they hear.

Composer and musician Franz Liszt, who saw colours when he listened to music, was one of the best known sufferers.

It is not known whether people are born with the condition or develop it after changes to the brain.

PROTEUS SYNDROME

The most famous victim was Joseph Merrick, who inspired 1980 movie The Elephant Man.

Named after Proteus, the Greek God who changed his shape, sufferers develop tumours and abnormal bone development.

This is very rare, with just 100 cases since it was identified in 1979.

PICA 

This could explain the strange food cravings of pregnant women, although it can also become apparent in mentally ill people.

It's an irresistable appetite for seemingly inedible substances and can relate to nutritional deficiencies.

There is a danger undigested items can cause stones in the stomach, so it's vital to ignore the cravings.

FOREIGN ACCENT SYNDROME 

This seemingly amusing condition can be very frightening for sufferers, who start to speak with a new accent.

Doctors believe it can be triggered-after a stroke or injury - by damage to areas of the brain linked with language, pitch and speech patterns.

Victims need not even have heard the accent before.

'They prove how remarkable the human body is'

CAPTION(S):

WEE WOE: Micropsia makes you see objects as tiny, as did Alice; OUT OF CONTROL: Strangelove's 'alien hand'