DON'T GET BURNED BY 'SAHARA'.Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic WOULD YOU greenlight a movie on the following pitch: It's ``Raiders of the Lost Ark'' crossed with ``Hotel Rwanda''? Somebody did. The result is ``Sahara,'' a mediocre action-adventure flick that's compelling only for its strange mixture of B-movie elements and a completely hollow social consciousness. That and the absolute worst comedy gags you'll ever endure in a movie of this type. Based on Clive Cussler's popular page-turners, ``Sahara'' is simply a bad time at the movies. First-time director Breck Eisner (yes, he's that guy's son) clearly comes from the Stephen Sommers School of Filmmaking, which specializes in churning out overly long, exceedingly loud and relentlessly dismal time-wasters that are jam-packed with stuff but completely devoid of soul. There is absolutely no reason for this to be so. ``Sahara'' cost more than $100 million, though you certainly won't see the money on the screen. Its stars - Matthew McConaughey, Penelope Cruz and Steve Zahn - are talented and right for their roles. But the movie leaves them stranded at every turn. You can practically see comic sidekick Zahn looking at the camera, thinking, ``You guys don't know Don't know (DK, DKed) "Don't know the trade." A Street expression used whenever one party lacks knowledge of a trade or receives conflicting instructions from the other party. what you're doing, do you?'' They don't, but Eisner seems to think if you blow up enough stuff, nobody will notice. To be fair, Eisner stages the movie's action sequences with a measure of competency. They're never exciting or original, but you can understand what's going on What's Going On is a record by American soul singer Marvin Gaye. Released on May 21, 1971 (see 1971 in music), What's Going On reflected the beginning of a new trend in soul music. . And he sets them to crunchy, 1970s rock songs, enabling you to tap your foot in time with both the machine-gun fire and Grand Funk Railroad. ``Sahara'' takes explorer Dirk Pitt Dirk Pitt is a fictional character, the protagonist of a series of bestselling adventure novels written by Clive Cussler. The name Dirk Pitt is a registered trademark of Clive Cussler. (McConaughey) to West Africa West Africa A region of western Africa between the Sahara Desert and the Gulf of Guinea. It was largely controlled by colonial powers until the 20th century. West African adj. & n. in search of a long-lost Civil War battleship battleship, large, armored warship equipped with the heaviest naval guns. The evolution of the battleship, from the ironclad warship of the mid-19th cent., received great impetus from the Civil War. . (Don't ask.) There he and sidekick Al (Zahn) meet the beautiful Dr. Eva Rojas (Cruz), a World Health Organization doctor (!) battling a deadly plague. You thought the face- melting Nazis in ``Raiders'' were scary? Just watch Third World denizens dropping dead from a virus that may well be a genocidal plot. Or not. Things get a little fuzzy Little Fuzzy is the name of a 1962 science fiction novel by H. Beam Piper. It is generally seen as a work of juvenile fiction. It was nominated for the 1963 Hugo Award for Best Novel. - and wearying - by the third act. What's always clear is just how inept the four credited writers (who knows how many monkeys sat handcuffed to typewriters in a back room somewhere) are at injecting any kind of fun into all this dreariness. Stoner ston·er n. 1. One that stones. 2. Slang a. One who is habitually intoxicated by alcohol or drugs. b. One who is a delinquent or failure. archetypes McConaughey and Zahn should be a great comic team, but the best anyone can come up with is a running gag The running gag is a popular hallmark of comic and serious forms of entertainment. A running gag is an amusing situation or line that reappears throughout the work. They are often unintentional at first, but familiarity or popularity of such gags among viewers encourage their about Zahn losing his hat. Amazing. Watching it, you'll lose your lunch. Glenn Whipp, (818) 713-3672 glenn.whipp(at)dailynews.com SAHARA - One star (PG-13: action violence) Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Penelope Cruz, Steve Zahn. Director: Breck Eisner. Running time: 2 hr. 7 min. Playing: In wide release. In a nutshell: Like walking across the desert with no water, no clothes, no SPF (1) (Stateful Packet Firewall) See stateful inspection. (2) (Sender Policy Framework) An e-mail authentication system that verifies that the message came from an authorized mail server. protection and a hundred buzzards circling overhead - only not as much fun. CAPTION(S): photo Photo: Steve Zahn, left, Penelope Cruz and Matthew McConaughey play adventurers whose quest for a Civil War battleship leads them to the desert in ``Sahara.'' |
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