DON'T FORGET A RECEIPT.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

So once the propane tank runs out on the Weber grill and the Corona bottles are clanging away in the recycle bin, what will be your lasting sports memory of this Memorial Day weekend?

A pocket full of torn-up exacta tickets from Hollywood Park?

A panicked dash to Play It Again Sports to rescue the set of golf clubs your wife sold off, because she decided to clean out the garage while you were napping and ``those were just collecting dust anyway''?

A trip to the emergency room with a dislocated jaw after a collision at home plate during a ``friendly'' family softball game turned mild-mannered Aunt Millie into Michael Barrett?

Or will it ultimately be remembered for the amount of time spent standing in the return line at Costco on Tuesday morning, coming up with a credible lie about how the 58-inch high-def Sony TV didn't work quite right when all you really wanted it for was to watch the Indy 500 with the volume cranked up?

--What does Barbaro do about finding a personal assistant to help answer all the mail he has received from well-wishers? Does the secretary he hires have to be a descendant of Secretariat?

--When exactly did Isiah Thomas sneak out of the NewYork Knicks' front office and start running the Kansas City Royals? How much longer can Buddy Bell watch his team get its bell rung?

--So, for the next ESPN documentary series, how about we go with ``Garciaparra on Garciaparra,'' and expand it to Tuesday and Wednesday, just to get the entire title in?

--Have you tried buying any Garciaparra stuff at the Dodger Stadium concession stands lately? Do you have an excuse ready for the kids when the nice lady behind the counter informs you that they're out of stock on everything that has the guy's name on it?

--Is this what the NBA marketing department has been talking about for the past 20 seasons when they've been trying to convince everyone their product was ``fan-tastic!''?

--If you had to do it all over again, does Steve Nash have your MVP vote?

--If Indiana coach Kelvin Sampson happens to call me by accident, do I have to report it to the NCAA?

--What kind of ``yes-man'' (or woman) would want the Cal State Northridge athletic director job at this point?

--Who wins a fight between Amare Stoudemire's mom and LeBron James' mom? Can David Stern's mom assess some kind of fine on 'em?

--Have you put a convincing list together yet of sick-day excuses to pass off to the boss once the World Cup starts? Or does the fact the World Cup is only a couple of weeks away naturally make you queasy?

--The guy who won ``American Idol'' --- you sure that's not Pedro Gomez?