DON'T BE IN SUCH A RUSH TO GET TO 'ARE WE THERE YET?'.Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic THE FOUR credited writers of ``Are We There Yet?'' trot out the usual devices in what passes for family entertainment these days. There's projectile vomiting, flatulence flatulence /flat·u·lence/ (flat´u-lens) excessive formation of gases in the stomach or intestine. flat·u·lence or flat·u·len·cy n. The presence of excessive gas in the digestive tract. and a scene where a bladder-bursting kid pees in a woman's face. (Projectile projectile something thrown forward. projectile syringe see blow dart. projectile vomiting forceful vomiting, usually without preceding retching, in which the vomitus is thrown well forward. urination urination Process of excreting urine from the bladder (see urinary system). Nerve centres in the spinal cord, brain stem, and cerebral cortex control it through involuntary and voluntary muscles. The need to void is felt when the bladder holds 3. ?) But then they add a new wrinkle: Playing child abduction for laughs (not once, but twice), they take what was otherwise an ineptly executed, mean-spirited time-waster and stamp it as something to truly be despised. Or at least avoided, the way you would step around a kid when he's peeing into a truck-stop sink. (That's the one life lesson I took from the film.) ``Are We There Yet?'' begins as a formulaic, broad comedy about a materialistic bachelor (the great Ice Cube, who must shoulder some serious blame here as a credited producer) swallowing his lifelong contempt for kids (``They're like cockroaches cockroaches insects which may carry Salmonella spp. in their gut and play a part in the spread of the disease. , 'cept you can't squish squish v. squished, squish·ing, squish·es v.tr. To squeeze or crush together or into a flat mass; squash. v.intr. To emit the gurgling or sucking sound of soft mud being walked on. 'em'') so he can get close to a pretty divorcee di·vor·cée n. A divorced woman. [French, feminine past participle of divorcer, to divorce, from Old French, from divorce, divorce; see divorce. (Nia Long). Cube's character basically has to do the ``Planes, Trains and Automobiles'' thing and ferry the woman's two egregiously obnoxious children (Aleisha Allen and Philip Daniel Bolden) from Portland to Vancouver to help her out of a work-related jam. The journey begins innocently enough with the usual backseat bickering and bladder challenges, but then becomes alarmingly violent and wildly inappropriate for its target audience. The movie's final 30 minutes add stomach-churning nausea to the general feelings of disgust as the filmmakers brazenly attempt to milk sentiment from the fact that the kids' father wants nothing to do with them. Not only does this make complete sense in light of these brats' homicidal tendencies, it also underlines the absurdity of Cube's 24-hour transformation from child-avoider to doting dote intr.v. dot·ed, dot·ing, dotes To show excessive fondness or love: parents who dote on their only child. [Middle English doten. father figure. After a day with these monsters, he should be making an appointment for a vasectomy vasectomy, male sterilization by surgical excision of the vas deferens, the thin duct that carries sperm cells from the testicles to the prostate and the penis. . Instead, he's incredibly telling these two kids that it's not their fault his brand-new Lincoln Navigator flew off a cliff and, later, burst into flames at a forest rest stop. (Smokey the Bear Smokey the Bear warns “only you can prevent forest fires.” [Am. Pop. Cult.: Misc.] See : Fire would not approve.) Go ahead. Blame them. (You'd feel better and so would we, frankly.) And think twice about getting involved with the woman who reared these two little sadists. Maybe these two rotten apples haven't fallen far from the tree. Glenn Whipp, (818) 713-3672 glenn.whipp(at)dailynews.com ARE WE THERE YET? - No stars (PG: language, rude humor) Starring: Ice Cube, Nia Long. Director: Brian Levant. Running time: 1 hr. 35 min. Playing: In wide release. In a nutshell: Projectile vomiting, sadistic children, exploding cars - Hollywood again does us proud in the name of family entertainment. CAPTION(S): photo Photo: During a road trip from Portland to Vancouver, Philip Daniel Bolden, left, displays his true personality to Ice Cube, who has designs on the youngster's mom, in ``Are We There Yet?'' |
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