DINNER DATE: Keaton and Lloyd join Ron for quiet night in.

RON Mael was born and raised in Los Ang eles. He origin all ywanted to be agraphicdesigner, but instead, he formed the group Sparks with brother Russell. Hits such as This Town Ain't Big Enough For the Both Of Us and Number One in Heaven transfixed Top of the Pops audiences in the UK. Their new album,Lil' Beethoven, has paved the way for a concert at theRoyalFestivalHall tonight.

You're hosting an imaginary dinner party and can in vite anyone in the world,living or dead, to your house for one night only. Who would be on your in vi tation list - and why?

``I'm a person that likes a quiet meal soI'd in vite quiet, talented people. They would be silent film stars such as HaroldLloyd. He was an amazing person, probably because he appeared to be the everyman who could hang from a clock on a 12 -storey building. Buster Keaton and Harry Langdon would also be in vited. They would be the sort of people that were interesting without having to say a lot . We go to Japan sometimes and I notice that during a Japanese meal, people don't talk alot and nobody feels uncomf or table . It's possible tohavea quiet meal without having uncomf ortable pauses.''

What food would you serve?

``This would probably be sort of incong ruous with these people but I always think the best food from any country would be from a former territory or whoever had colonial posses-sion of that country. For example,in France I think Moroccan and Tunisian would bebest. In the USit would beMexican, and in England I like Indian food. SoI would haveacombination of foods from former colonies.''

Which music would you play?

``I don't like music as background. I understand the whole aesthetic of having Zambian music for example in the background,but for me that's putting an artistic label on something that's really irritating. I notice it really quickly everywhereI go. In any shop or restaurant. I think music is something you should be listening to as opposed to something that just fills the atmosphere. I wouldhaveit dead quiet. Theonly other possibility would be to have some sort of string quartet where you're half eating and half appreciating the music. But as far as this sound equivalent of perfume being sprayed through the air goes,it drives me nuts.''

Who would you have as the lackey in the kitchen?

``I wouldn't have anyone there. This might seem a bit eccentric but in my apartment,not for budgetary reasons but for general laziness reasons, I only eat off disposable plates. Idon't feel like I can haveacollection of china for guests. I just chuck stuff. Soeven though the food might deserve more than that,I prefer eating off things you can just dump. Saves on washing up.''

Which after-dinner joke would you tell?

``It would be difficult with this particular audience because their sense of humour is based on visuals as opposed to anything spoken. Both HaroldLloyd and Buster Keaton made sound films and in my mind those were not nearly as successful. To entertain them in any sort of verbal way might bedifficult. There's also something of a personal problem. I haven ever in my life been able to remember ajoke. I tend to go to barber's shops and to fill that 15 minutes in which the barber tells me jokes,I make an effort to remember them but I never can. I'm the worst raconteur.''

CAPTION(S):

CONCERT: Ron Mael,one half of Sparks