DETROIT BASHING, ANYONE?

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

How many cubic pounds of carbon monoxide were the geniuses at the Model-T Ford Motor Company sucking down before they decided to announce the latest round of massive factory layoffs and plant closures just a few days before they'll be seen splurging at a bunch of high-end, B-list shrimp cocktail shindigs and other junkable junkets during that obnoxious indulgence known as the build up to Super Bowl XL in the greater Detroit area?

And how much did Lions owner William Clay Ford decide to have the company that his son runs lay out so that his family crest script logo could be plastered all over that giant ice fishing shed where that Super Bowl game will be played? Wasn't it in the neighborhood of $40 mil?

Doesn't this smell like another Michael Moore documentary?

Is it too late for the NFL to recall Detroit as its Super Bowl host city?

-- Will Kwame Brown tell his kids someday that he and Kobe Bryant once combined to drop 84 points on the Toronto Raptors?

-- How much more negative press could Kobe have received this past week if he hit that 81 in a loss?

-- Will the Lakers be lucky enough to even score 81 Sunday at Detroit?

-- What's Shaq's reaction to all this - to put on 81 pounds?

-- What would Wilt's reaction have been to all those who said his 100 wasn't as impressive as Kobe's effort?

-- Is there any comfort in the Kobe Camp that, even though he made the GQ magazine list of the ``Ten Most Hated Athletes in Sports,'' at least one of them is a pro bass fisherman?

-- Is Ron Artest's flip-flopping about wanting to join the Kings just his way of showing the politicos in Sacramento that he's a worthy resident?

-- When does the U.S. Ski team cut off Bode Miller's oxygen supply?

-- Does the start of the Arena Football League mean we have to start caring about Bon Jovi again?

-- Can we go to the kiss 'n' cry area now to get Emily Hughes' reaction to Michelle Kwan's diva move that landed her a spot in the Winter Olympics? Or will Hughes' icy stare during one of Bob Costas' up-close-and-impersonal interviews in a couple of weeks say enough?

-- Kwan's no lock for an Olympic gold, right? Not that she's ever won one, correct?

-- Will Anna Benson feel discomboobulated having to leave behind her New York hotspots for some of Baltimore's more shabby crab shacks?

-- How scary would the Raiders' offense be with Mike Martz at the toggle switch? Would Al Davis at least let him hire an assistant whose only job would be clock management?

-- Does this sexual-harassment mess that Isiah Thomas finds himself trying to wiggle out of have anything to do with his practice of smooching Magic Johnson back in the day?

-- Isaiah Rider, in trouble again?

-- Are the Mighty Ducks certain they want to drop ``Mighty'' from their name before they become the Los Angeles Ducks of Anaheim?