DEAL DIRECTLY WITH WORKPLACE GOSSIP MONGER.

Byline: Ken Lloyd On the job

Q I am an accountant in a small commercial real estate company. There is a generous owner, a secretary, another accountant and myself - I am female. The secretary and I have always been great friends, but the other accountant is constantly gossiping about me and my work to her. He and the owner are both in love with her, and she is married. She tells me she does not know what to say to the accountant when he wants to vent about me. Do I confront him or ignore them both? J.M.

A With your boss and colleague both in love with your great friend, a secretary who betrays you, this is more of a soap opera than a real estate firm. Unless you are comfortable playing the role of the victim, you need a speaking part.

The first person you should speak with is your great friend. If she is going to be any kind of a friend, when the accountant comes to vent to her about you, and she just ``doesn't know what to say,'' she needs some new lines. For example, the next time he approaches and starts to smear you, she should state that she is not interested. If she cannot do this, one has to wonder about the greatness of this friendship.

You should also approach your fellow accountant and tell him that if he has a problem with you or your work, he should discuss it directly with you - and only with you. If he cannot pick up this cue, you can approach the owner, but the problem is that he too has a soft spot in his heart for the secretary. He may well be a generous individual, but if the soap opera continues, it may be time for a break.

Q Our manager has this habit of saying, ``I know I shouldn't say this,'' before coming out with a disgusting or degrading comment. He gets a big laugh out of this, as do some of the followers around here, but many of us are offended. What do you do with a manager like this? R.P.

A If there is a course in remedial management, enroll him in it. This person is not a manager, but rather is a bully, a buffoon and a brat. He is also a walking liability for the company.

The idea that the phrase, ``I know I shouldn't be saying this,'' somehow magically shields him from any possible repercussions for what may come out next is sheer folly. This type of behavior has a negative impact on employee satisfaction, teamwork, commitment and productivity.

You and some of your associates should approach him on a businesslike basis and let him know your feelings. Be sure that he understands the present and potential costs that are associated with his behavior, and clearly indicate that you would like it to stop.

If his offensive comments continue, you and your group should approach senior management. It is important for senior management to know that this is going on in your department, and it is even more important for you to know what senior management does about it.

Q My boss stopped by my apartment, and I was going to drive him to a meeting. While he was waiting for me, he noticed that a stapler on my desk came from the office. I told him immediately that it belongs to the company and I had brought it home for a couple of days and planned to return it. He shook his head and now seems upset with me. What do I do? K.T.

A Presumably, you have already taken step one: Return the stapler. If you did not have a real discussion of what happened in the car on the way to the meeting, you should do so now.

When you make a mistake, the best approach is to admit it, apologize and correct it. People make all sorts of mistakes in their careers, some large and some small. In many cases, the mistakes may be excusable if the person who committed them is honest and forthright about what happened. What tends to be inexcusable is when the mistakes are repeated.

Once you have given your mea culpa to your manager, you need to move on from this point. If you keep returning to the issue, it will never move from the foreground into the background. Let your manager see that the incident was an aberration, and let your performance clearly demonstrate your work ethic, drive, skills and honesty.

You made a mistake, suffered some consequences, and hopefully learned from the ordeal. The only other suggestion is to buy your own stapler.