DADS' FATAL FIGHT CHILLS YOUTH SPORTS BACKERS.

Byline: Dana Bartholomew and Jason Kandel Staff Writers

The death of a Massachusetts dad during a youth hockey game brawl has youth sports participants around the region this week muttering one word: shame.

Shame on the 40-year-old truck driver who has pleaded not guilty on a charge of manslaughter in the fatal fight last week that deprived three sons and a daughter of a father and fan.

Shame also on a Florida coach who was charged this week with breaking an umpire's jaw during a youth baseball game.

And shame on a general lack of sportsmanship creeping into the bleachers across the nation - and onto home turf.

Cory McCarthy, 11, who plays summer camp basketball, understands why tempers flare. ``In the bleachers, they're sitting right next to each other, and they start bragging about their kid. That's when fights can happen.''

As attested by thousands of halcyon days in hockey, baseball and other youth athletics throughout the Valley, most parents and coaches act with honor. A Los Angeles police spokesman could recall no reports of youth sports violence in three years on the force.

But others point to a darker picture in which kids shake their heads at testy parents while umpires, tired of harassment, are shying away from youth baseball.

Some recent examples of local incidents, according to youth sports officials, include:

--Two Little League dads, irate over their sons' performance on the field, duked it out in the bleachers. Their kids were driven to tears.

--A PONY League father, scornful of his son's attitude on the diamond, spanked him before teammates and spectators.

--Two T-ball moms clawed and scratched over their kids. Parents threatened umpires for ``bad'' calls or offered bribes for ``good'' ones. Parents, eyeing an opposing batter, called for the pitcher to hit him in the head with the ball.

``These parents need to understand that it's a game, played by kids for kids - not the seventh game of the World Series,'' said Dwayne Finley, a 20-year umpire for Little League, high school and college baseball.

``These parents are like Jekyll and Hyde: They lose their minds. In my opinion, in the last 10 years it's gotten real bad.''

As a baseball mom, Kathi Pohl knows a little bit about the tensions of bleacher parents. She goes to just about every game to watch her son, Danny, play.

``A lot of parents take it too seriously,'' said Pohl, as her son's Granada Hills team faced its last upset of the season this week. ``If I find myself getting too intense, I walk away.''

Jim Hasenhauer, a California State University, Northridge, specialist on interpersonal communications, said competition is healthy, but can also lead to anger akin to road rage.

``I see it as a breakdown in civility in general,'' he said.

Words fail. Violence erupts. Parents are driven over the edge by a failure of their repertoire in settling disagreements.

``When you're in a crowd your emotions can get the best of you,'' Pohl said. ``But we're here to have fun. If you're not having fun, what's the point?''

Since the Los Angeles Department of Recreation and Parks pioneered its Be a Good Sport Program last year, complaints of serious violations have dropped from dozens a month to two a month. Participating parents sign pledges to their children to behave themselves.

``We're going at this in a big, proactive way,'' said Steve Soboroff, chairman of the Los Angeles Parks Commission and a candidate for mayor. ``This is not about kids; it's about the parents getting their frustrations out.''

Cory McCarthy's mother, Trish Oliver, 44, of Granada Hills, is appalled that parents would fight to the death over youth sports.

``I think it's ridiculous that someone would take it so seriously,'' she said. ``Parents need to give support for the kids. It's not life-and-death, and that's what happened.''

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Photo: Fathers and other fans watch as Little League teams from Woodland Hills and Northridge compete. Parents have been asked to sign good-conduct pledges.

Lexey Swall/Special to the Daily News