Cut Through the Online Dating BullIf only people would just stop lying, Internet dating be would perfect! That''s how a lot of people feel. Many people are a bit hesitant to even try Internet dating for fear of being duped by the infamous "Internet Dating Liars." Some people have even taken a break from Internet dating, having lost faith that people online actually deal truthfully. Do you have to deal with a pea soup of truths, half-truths and outright fabrications?
Yes. It is important that everyone come to terms with an unchangeable fact. People have been lying to one another since before the Internet was ever invented and will continue to do so. The sad truth is that this is an unfortunate dynamic of the collective human behavior. Obviously, not everyone is conveniently dispensing untruths, however, certain people will continue to be human and incorporate lying into how they communicate. The Internet will not change this. You have to accept this in order for Internet dating to work for you.
Why does it seem as if people lie to each other more often online?
1. The law of big numbers plays a role here. Because you will meet far more people online than with any other method, it stands to reason that you are going to meet a higher number of all kinds of people, including liars. No one likes to be misled, so you are a little peeved when it happens. You don''t forget the liars as easily as you forget the people who spoke the truth.
2. The Internet makes it easier for people who are more predisposed to exaggerate or misrepresent the truth. Hiding behind words on a profile makes for a great cover. Certain predilections are hard to resist when given an avenue for expression.
How do you spot a liar? ? Keep your eyes and ears open for consistency in word and deed! Here are three categories where people frequently lie and what you can do to feel comfortable with the information that is given.
1. Their Job ? You want to ask specific questions about the nature of the person''s job duties. You also want to regularly ask how things went at work. Listen for co-worker names and issues that are mentioned as problematic. Be observant. There should be consistency in the information communicated. Paying attention to the details is also a great way to show interest in a significant aspect of that person''s life. This is good for relationship development.
2. Their Single Status ? Are they really single? You can never know for sure. Anyone can be deceived. What you want to keep an eye open for is the person''s availability. If the person is not often available, either they are not really interested in you or they are spreading their time between you and some other commitment. Also, if the person is uncomfortable being in public with you, this should be an early warning. If all of your dates are romantic dinners at his apartment or yours, be on the alert.
3. Their Profile Pictures ? This is classic. He looks like George Clooney on his profile, but when you meet, he looks like Nick Nolte after an arrest. You can readily check for photo authenticity before you meet by asking the person to enter into a video instant message session. You will immediately know if your heart should truly flutter, or if you will need to save money for his future court appearance.
Ultimately, you should be prudent as you get to know people. Don''t be overly suspicious. It will drive you a bit mad and make you unnecessarily cynical. Pathological liars are few and far between. If you are in the first few weeks and you find out that someone is lying, cut that person loose quickly. Don''t waste your time on the bull.
Myles Reed, Jr., who dubs himself The Internet Dating Expert, is the author of Fishing for Love on the Net. He spent 6 years living and breathing all aspects of dating online, and gives great guidance and hope to those looking for love online. Visit Love