Customs cops spot bogus goodies; they guard nation's gates against fakes, hazardous products, trade violations.

Bridgett Bradley stands in a warehouse in Carson with a baby in her hands. She drops the infant from four feet above the cement floor and watches to see if its head breaks. Next to her is Oneeta Alexander, trying to pull the arms out of the sockets of other babies.

Actually, these are toy inspectors at the U.S. Customs Office, testing imported dolls to see if they are safe for children.

Customs inspectors are responsible for sniffing out merchandise that is unsafe, counterfeit or violates copyright or trademark laws, among other things.

There are 22 such inspectors on the L.A. Customs District's "trade sensitive team," which examines merchandise suspected of trade violations. These L.A. inspectors seized $2.3 million worth of merchandise during March 1993. There are inspectors for every category of merchandise imported, such as toys, apparel, food and auto parts.

Some inspectors are paid to play with imported toys. They drop, pull, twist and otherwise manipulate toys intended for children 3 years old and younger to make sure no small parts fall off.

Inspectors drop the toys 10 times from 10 different angles four feet above the cold, cement warehouse floor. Nothing small had better fall off or the toys are history. One small plastic rattle failed miserably when it broke and small beads came tumbling out, says toy inspector Bradley.

The inspectors also apply 10 pounds of force in a tension test and conduct a torque test to see if any small parts can be twisted off. In one case, the small arms of a doll could easily be removed from its sockets, so that entire shipment of dolls was seized, Bradley said.

Toy inspectors also police for copyright infringement. One shipment of black "Super Battle Cars" showed an uncanny resemblance to the renowned Batmobile. In fact, since the two cars were "substantially indistinguishable," the battle cars were deemed a "piratical" infringement of the Batmobile's copyright and were seized, Bradley says.

Another importer was charged with infringing upon the copyright of the "Star-eyed Musical Doll," a clown with a white face punctuated by a red round nose, red mouth and eyes that resemble black stars.

A shipment of clowns with noses, mouths and, more importantly, eyes that were exact replicas as those found on the Star-eyed Musical Doll had come through the L.A. Customs District during 1991.

The importer claimed the eyes weren't stars but, rather, were "birds in flight," Bradley recalls.

Customs inspectors also found evidence that the importer had previously tried to substitute some of the eyes. Some of the original star-shaped eyes had been hidden in the dolls' clothing, Bradley says. The shipment was seized.

Another importer once tried to pass a shipment of dolls through customs that were a "piratical version" of Mattel's hugely successful Barbie dolls. The dolls had blond hair similar to Barbie's, the same blue eyes, a similar-shaped mouth and, to make the similarities undoubtedly more than coincidental, the same dimple on the right cheek, Bradley says.

Meanwhile, copyright infringements of troll dolls are among the hardest to detect because the only parts protected by copyright law are the distinct smiling jawline and shape of its ears, Bradley says.

On a bit more serious note, some importers try to sneak illegal toy guns into the country, but inspectors are quick to confiscate them. A few years ago, the U.S. Department of Commerce passed a law stating any toy firearm must be marked with a blazing orange band, be transparent or be colored brightly, Bradley says.

Inspectors confiscate toy guns that would be confused with real ones in a "low-light" situation, she says.

Inspectors sometimes confiscate toy machine guns that are knock-offs of copyrighted guns. For instance, the cartridges may be interchangeable, Bradley says.

While copyright infringements apply to the way a product looks, trademark infringements apply to names or logos. For instance, in one case, imported toy airplanes bore "747" insignias. The "747" trademark belongs to Boeing Co. Fortunately for the importer, the labels were easily removable. So the after the importer removed them, the goods were allowed through, Bradley said.

Toy importers aren't the only ones who regularly test the mettle of local customs officials. Apparel importers are just as sneaky in their efforts to smuggle illegal shipments of clothing into the country.

A shipment containing some 60,000 purple, beige and red T-shirts emblazoned with the names Cartier, Chanel and Gucci across their fronts arrived in the Port of Los Angeles last year.

Inspectors from the U.S. Customs Office immediately recognized the famous designers' names but not the importer's name. The shipment was brought to a customs warehouse and examined more closely. The T-shirts were deemed counterfeit, and the shipment was seized.

Importers once tried to fool inspectors with misleading labels on a shipment of gray cotton jeans. The label on the inside of the waist stated that the jeans were made in Hong Kong, says Senior Trade Inspector Fred Hunter. But a closer examination revealed that the underside of the label stated the jeans were actually made in China.

The importers could have been trying to mislead customs inspectors for one of two reasons. One, the importer may have already hit its U.S. quota for goods from Hong Kong. Or, the visa required for importing goods from Hong Kong may have been cheaper than the one for importing goods from China, Hunter says.

Visas are expensive, Hunter explains. They can cost as much as 40 percent of a shipment's value.

Visas are licenses that specify a quota, which determines how much of a certain product can be imported, as well as specifics, such as what the clothing's fiber content can be.

Some importers try to disguise one product as another in an effort to circumvent visa costs, Hunter says.

One importer, for example, sent a shipment of "artificial flowers" that challenged the truthfulness of the adage, "A rose is a rose is a rose." The "artificial flowers" shipment appeared to consist of single roses of various colors, complete with green stems, and individually wrapped in plastic.

But a closer examination revealed the rose buds to actually be rolled-up pairs of women's underwear. Artificial flowers need no visa, while underwear does, Hunter explains. Thus, the importer was probably trying to save thousands of dollars, he says.

Also, sometimes an importer tries to pass "toddler" clothing off as "infant" clothing because visas for infant clothing are easier to get, Hunter says. He points to a pink dress and gray sweat suit that were designated by importers as infant clothing, but would probably better fit a 4-year-old toddler.

A cupboard in the inspectors' Carson office is filled with paraphernalia the department has confiscated over the years. There are brass knuckles, which are illegal in California, and a pair of counterfeit Reebok tennis shoes that could only be differentiated from the real thing by examining the shoe's inner lining, says inspector Oneeta Alexander.