Curious costumes when Madonna starts to party.

Byline: John Avison 

POP star Madonna appears to be having a bit of a party now that film director Guy Ritchie is out of her life.

Last weekend various papers depicted her striking an outrageous pose in a costume that owed much, in concept at least, to the contents of the office First Aid box. I think she was aiming for a pun on bondage ( = bandage) but you can never be sure with Madonna.

I thought she looked sexy, and a lot younger than her 50 years, and I made the mistake of saying so in the presence of my wife.

She looked over my shoulder at the picture and sniffed. "Tarty, not sexy," she said dismissively.

Well, yes. Madonna has always intelligently parodied the role of the slut, realising early on that she would never be able to play the cutie-bunny, not with those sharp features.

I've never been a huge admirer of Madonna's music, and I think because of that I've never given her physical appearance and presence a second thought. This, I suppose, is like admitting I have been living under a tree branch in Bratislava for 30 years.

Anyway, this started me thinking about the difference between tarty and sexy.

You can scarcely wander among your male friends asking them to differentiate between tarty and sexy.

For most, it's the same thing. One did venture the suggestion that tarty is aggressive and sexy is passive.

It's an oversimplification and leaves us open to accusations of sexism, because if you equate tartiness with female sexual aggression, and 'genuine' sexiness with passivity, you're back to a situation where men call the moral shots. Tarty equals bad, sexy equals good.

Looking for clarification, I asked a younger female colleague what she thought made a woman attractive.

Sexual attraction is less to dowith gravity and more to do with pheromones, she explained. "It's less Newton, more Darwin," were her exact words.

After that excellent analogy we moved swiftly from the sublime to the ridiculous, and began discussing cosmetics.

"Lipstick and mascara. They're important to the way a woman feels about herself," she said, and I felt as if I were falling down a rabbit-hole.

"It actually pulls. Brown lipstick says ignore me. Red lipstick says I'm available."

Oh, help! I wish I'd never asked. Cosmetics have always mystified me. The billions of pounds spent on perfumes, paints, puffs, powers, paste, oils and ointments and unguents, lotions and potions has always seemed such a waste.

It's so tarty. It's not called make-up for nothing. It's totally made-up. It's stealing the tricks of harem, stage and brothel. It is anmagic performance, an illusion that women seem to enjoy creating, and men seem to enjoy being taken in by.

Suddenly I sound like John Bunyan, ranting from prison, or some ghastly reincarnation of Mary Whitehouse. So from now on, I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the show. Bring on the girls!

Sexual attraction is less to do with gravity and more to do with pheromones, she explained. "It's less Newton, more Darwin,"

'Cosmetics mystify me but a female colleague says: Brown lipstick says ignore me. Red lipstick says I'm available."'

CAPTION(S):

READY TO PARTY: US pop singer Madonna performs on stage during her concert of the Sticky and Sweet world tour at the LTU-Arena in Dusseldorf