Cruel intentions: girls today bully as often as boys and even more so once they hit high school. Here are some of the troubling tales of their victims--and how to deal if you're being bullied.

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Emma R.*, 14, was always a happy-go-lucky girl with lots of friends. And why not? She's funny, super smart and outgoing. So when Emma transferred to a new school in ninth grade, she couldn't understand why the girls who were her first friends suddenly started icing her out.

"There was a group of six girls, and initially they started excluding me from get-togethers or saying mean things under their breath when I walked by them," she says. "But soon, they'd IM me with messages like, 'You're an idiot and shouldn't have any friends!' Or, I'd be in the bathroom and they'd come in and start saying really mean things about me like, 'Eww. Her freckles are like dirt spots!' I'd start crying and just stay in the stall until my teacher sent someone to get me."

Emma's just one of millions of girls around the country who have been bullied. And while most people think of bullies as hulking figures waiting in an alley to beat up unsuspecting schoolmates for no reason at all, today's versions are those who maliciously tease, gossip, name-call or threaten.

Basically, you don't have to get physical to be a bully. Emotional abuse is just as damaging--and with no bruises or scars to show for it, it's much easier to get away with. That's why it's happening every day and everywhere, probably right in the hallways of your school. Maybe it's even happening to you.

BULLYING ON THE RISE

If you're being bullied, you're certainly not alone: Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato both were bullied, and about 160,000 kids stay home from school each day to avoid the abuse, according to the National Association of School Psychologists. And while you'd typically expect boys to be the ones bullying, girls can be just as bad--or worse: Research shows that during high school, girls bully more than boys and they commit cyber-bullying--which involves things like spreading rumors through the Internet, posting photos and sending nasty e-mails--twice as often.

"Violence is definitely on the rise among kids, and with the use of the Internet, you can bully someone with little effort and still have complete anonymity," reports Julie Herzog, bullying prevention coordinator for The PACER Center in Minneapolis, MN. In fact, cyber-bullying is a favored tactic by many girls since there is no face-to-face confrontation involved.

DASHED DREAMS

Just ask Annie B.*, 19, who was both cyber-bullied and picked on in person by a girl she worked with during a summer stint at a cafe before her junior year of high school.

"She turned on me the day I started getting more hours, which meant I was making more money," recalls Annie. "She started with a dirty look here, a whisper behind my back there. But then it escalated into some pretty awful abuse."

Like the time she mangled Annie's MySpace page with threats and taunting remarks. And then she lied to their boss and their other co-workers about how Annie treated the customers. "She'd say I was really rude or not washing my hands before handling food, which was just totally not me. I was the friendliest and cleanest person there."

But the boss believed the bully, and Annie was seriously reprimanded and forced to turn over a week's pay. "I'll never forget the look on her face after our boss called me into her office. It was like it was fun for her to torture me. Actually, I know she enjoyed it. She laughed when she saw me crying."

Annie was so intimidated and upset, she wound up quitting. "I just couldn't stand the torture anymore. My heart raced and my stomach ached every time I went online or even thought about work because I knew I had to deal with her," she says.

THE DAMAGE DONE

Annie's job wasn't the only thing she lost by being bullied. Her self-esteem plummeted after the experience.

"I started doubting everything I said or did. I questioned my ability to be a good employee, and it even affected me as a student," says Annie. "It's really hard to get past the trauma of being ganged up on like that."

In fact, Marlene Snyder, Ph.D., director of development for the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program in Clemson, S.C., says that bullying can lead to depression, anxiety and even suicide in some extreme cases (in a case that has gotten national attention, 13-year-old Megan Meier ended her life after being taunted over MySpace by someone she thought was another teen). "Kids are maimed for life as a result of bullying," she says. "You begin to believe what everybody is saying about you--like you're ugly, you're stupid--and that totally ruins one's self-esteem."

WHY GIRLS BULLY

So what makes girls behave so badly? For Annie, it was probably a case of extreme envy since she was excelling and earning more than her co-worker. Experts say many bullies believe they're entitled to have it all--whether it's the top job or the hottest guy. And if things don't go their way, watch out.

"Your typical bully has pretty savvy social skills, but she uses them in a negative way to control others," says Herzog. "Even though she knows she's hurting someone, she will continue to do it." Snyder adds, "Sometimes, girls don't seem to know what bullying is. They don't see spreading rumors or picking on people as bullying so they have no reason to stop."

What's worse? Lots of teachers and adults feel helpless when it comes to controlling the chaos. "Many teachers haven't been taught what to do with bullies and feel that if they get involved, they will only make the problem worse for the kid being bullied, so they stand by," says Snyder. Unfortunately, that move may send the message that bullying is okay.

TYPICAL TARGETS

She thinks you're too thin, too tall, too shy--anyone who stands out slightly is an easy target for a bully. Herzog says that those who are quiet, less assertive or don't have many friends are the most vulnerable when it comes to getting bullied. But then again, it can happen to anyone.

"Smart girls with high IQs, as well as those who are prettier, are common victims," says Snyder, citing Erica Harold, a known bullying victim--and Miss America 2003--as a classic example. "If somebody is too pretty, too smart, too well-connected, the rest of the girls will briny her down. It's called 'leveling.'"

Emma thinks good grades and instant popularity at her new school put a bull's eye on her back. "Through it all, I kept my grades up and was popular with the guys," she says. "Looking back, I wonder if that's why they kept bullying me."

FIGHTING BACK

Whatever the reason you're targeted, it's usually your response to the bullying that determines whether you'll be bothered by a bully again.

"Bullies are generally power hungry and are hoping for an emotional response, like tears or fear or visible anger," says Herzog. "They'll continue to go after girls who are bothered by their threat. Those who put up a strong front and act indifferent to the mistreatment are less attractive to a bully."

Still, there's no sure-fire way to deal with the abuse, especially because victims usually have to deal with more than one bully since girls tend to gang up on others in groups. But seeking the support of a trusted adult like a parent, teacher or guidance counselor is a good way to start.

Another smart step? Finding new interests outside of school. It'll boost your sagging self-esteem, and you'll make new friends in a different social circle.

"There is no quick fax, but you definitely can't defend yourself against this alone," says Snyder.

After staying silent about it for months, it finally took a team of teachers and her parents to alleviate the abuse Emma had endured for more than a year. And now, she realizes the importance in asking for help ASAP.

"Bullies know that if they're getting to you and you're too scared to tell anyone, they can just keep doing it," she says. "Don't be scared to tell someone. And don't feel bad if you can't do it by yourself. You can't stop this on your own."

Quick tips for handling bullies

Are you being bullied? You can do something about it.

IGNORE, IGNORE Bullies just want to see you suffer. If you pretend the bully doesn't exit, it takes away his or her power over you.

KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK This can be really challenging, but don't cry, shout or get upset in the presence of bullies. Keep it together and they'll learn you aren't an easy target.

GO THE OTHER WAY Remove yourself from unhealthy situations. Go in the opposite direction, preferably toward a crowd where there are adults present.

SAFETY IN NUMBERS YOU re less likely to get picked on when you're surrounded by others.

FIND NEW FRIENDS If your best buds are bad news, start looking for some new friends. It's not easy, but joining new activities and finding things to do outside of school is a good start.

GET A CONFIDENCE BOOST Sign up for music lessons, try a new sport, get a part-time babysitting gig. Start participating in something that makes you feel good about yourself.

DON'T BLAME YOURSELF Always remember it's not your fault.

SEEK SUPPORT Tell your parents, a teacher, a counselor or a coach, If you feel uncomfortable talking about it, write them a letter. People who are bullied often need help. Don't be afraid to ask for it.

"I WAS A MEAN GIRL"

By Natalya P., 16, as told to Sarah Wassner Flynn

A former bully reveals why she started picking on people--and why she stopped.

Ever since I can remember, I'd been a part of the popular crew. My friends and I were always the prettiest in school, the most outgoing and the most fun to be around. This earned us tons of attention--especially from guys. I guess it all eventually got to our heads, and around the end of eighth grade, we started getting really catty about other girls. We constantly talked about who needed to wear more deodorant in gym class, who had the worst skin, who tried too hard to get guys. And of course, we couldn't help but laugh every time we saw those girls we singled out--they were just big jokes to us.

I never felt guilty, but I guess my BFF at the time did. She stopped hanging out with us. This made us all mad--not only was she dissing us, but she knew our secrets. And she went and made new friends.

Deep down, I was really sad about the whole situation, but I tried to act like I didn't care. I started giving her the same treatment we'd given all of those girls we gossiped about.

But then my one-time BFF beat me at my own game. She spread a totally untrue rumor about me at the start of freshman year. I guess you could say I got a taste of my own medicine. It really stung to have all of those whispers working their way toward me.

And instead of defending me, my so-called friends stopped returning my texts and acted like they didn't have time to hang out anymore. For the first time in my life, I was pretty much friendless, and it felt awful. I realized how much it hurts to be singled out for the wrong reasons and regretted giving out that same treatment to so many undeserving people.

Still, I was really angry and did all that I could to get back at all of my former friends, though I quickly realized you don't get very far by bullying alone. All of those harsh words and threats pack a much more powerful punch when you're backed up by a group.

I stayed mad (and mean) for another semester before my mom practically dragged me to my guidance counselor's office--I think she was sick of my constant bad mood. And with the counselor's help and a little time to grow up, I eventually phased out the "Mean Girl" in me and slowly started to make new friends who had much better things to do than trash talk our classmates 24/7.

Looking back, I realize that the bully of my past was a pretty insecure girl. I brought others down just to make me feel better about myself. But that kind of confidence quickly goes away and you find yourself grasping for more by continuing to pick on people.

Today, I go out of my way to be extra-nice to everyone. I feel good about myself and try to instill positive energy in others, too.

GET HELP NOW!

Need more advice on dealing with a bully? Check out these websites for support and tons of helpful info:

* pacekidsagainbullying.org

* opheliaproject.org

* stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

* bullies2buddies.com

OR CALL:

The PACER Center: 888-248-0822 TeenLine: 310-855-HOPE (6 to 10 pm. PT only)