Cross-gender interactions in middle school counselor-student working alliances: challenges and recommendations.

Middle school counselors are involved in cross-gender interactions with students daily. In order to explore middle school counselors' experiences in cross-gender student-counselor working alliances, interviews were conducted with 22 practicing middle school counselors. Selections from the resulting conversations reveal that female and male middle school counselors describe their same-gender counselor-student relationships as less challenging and perceive more challenges in their cross-gender relationships in school counseling. Recommendations are offered for cross-gender relationship building for middle school counselors working with students.

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Middle school students in the early adolescent period of the life span often seek mentoring and support from adults other than their parents (Kroger, 1999). Female and male adolescents often gravitate toward adults in their middle schools such as coaches and school counselors for support and mentoring (Gerler, 1991), and school counselors agree that students repeatedly approach adults that are their same gender. Regardless of gender, one of the most crucial goals for middle school counselors is to provide a blend of challenge and support that promotes autonomy, decision-making skills, academic salience, and identity development among early adolescents (Gerler; Rice, 1999). However, given some of the gender-specific personal concerns and hesitations that earl), adolescents have, middle school counselors may experience their same-gender and cross-gender student-counselor relationships differently. In fact, the experiences and challenges I faced as a past school counselor working with male adolescent middle school students led me to speculate about other school counselors' experiences with cross-gender relationships in middle schools.

Community agency counselors' subjective accounts suggest challenges that exist for female counselors working with male adolescents and male counselors working with female adolescents (Okamoto & Chesney-Lind, 2000). In addition, past research highlights the preferences of same-race and same-gender student-counselor relationships for high school students (Esters & LeDoux, 2001) and has illustrated that college students perceive same-gender counselors as more beneficial (Johnson & Dowling-Guyer, 1996). However, no previous literature was found regarding middle school counselors' perceptions of cross-gender student-counselor relationships. Because gender identification in the United States still encompasses socioculturally determined thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs about the roles of males and females, all school counselors must work to remain aware of their own personally biased attitudes and values about the roles of adolescent boys and girls and allow for their students to define their own genders.

Because middle school counselors work in cross-gender alliances with adolescent students who may exhibit great vulnerability due to developmental challenges and gender role stereotyping (Kroger, 1999; Rice, 1999), they must be increasingly aware of challenges that may exist in cross-gender counselor-student relationships such as hesitations from students to openly discuss certain personal concerns with opposite-gender counselors or to even approach opposite-gender counselors. In addition, counselors must be prepared for managing these middle school counseling interactions.

In order to gain a better understanding of practicing middle school counselors' experiences in their student-counselor relationships, I conducted interviews with 22 middle school counselors. The purpose of this article is to present selections from these conversations with a focus on the school counselors' perceptions of same-gender and cross-gender student relationships. Perceived challenges in cross-gender counselor-student relationships are presented along with recommendations for middle school counselors to enhance cross-gender relationships with students.

CONVERSATIONS IN THE FIELD: MIDDLE SCHOOL COUNSELORS' PERCEPTIONS

As an alternative to conducting an empirically based study, I visited with 22 middle school counselors in their work settings to talk with them about their same-gender and cross-gender student-counselor relationship experiences. These conversations led to the counselors openly sharing about their middle school counseling relationships and offering recommendations for other middle school counselors.

School Counselor Participants and the Interviews

Utilizing Arizona state school counselor-based list-servs, I informally requested interviews with middle school counselors regarding their same-gender and cross-gender student-counselor relationship experiences. Twenty-two middle school counselors (14 females and 8 males) expressed interest and, consequently, I visited 13 middle schools for the purpose of talking with the counselors about their student-counselor relationships. The counselors ranged in age from 28 to 49, they represented an average of 8 years of middle school counseling experience, and all 22 reported that they were members of their state school counseling organization.

I visited with each counselor individually for approximately 30 minutes in his or her office. Our conversations were audiotaped with the middle school counselors' informed consent. The conversation topics were prompted by questions prepared to help guide the interviews. The content of each of the interviews included the school counselors' experiences in cross-gender versus same-gender student-counselor relationships. The school counselors described the unique challenges that emerged from working in cross-gender relationships, as well as the differing issues or concerns that female and male students bring to them. The counselors also shared their perceptions of how male and female students reacted differently to them and the differing limits they set when working with students of the opposite gender. In addition, the counselors were prompted to discuss how they may approach female and male students differently if they believed they have done so, and whether their interactions with female and male students differed in individual counseling. Finally, the counselors were asked to discuss recommendations they may offer to other middle school counselors working in cross-gender relationships with students.

Results of School Counselor Conversations: The Challenges

All 22 middle school counselor-participants acknowledged challenges in their cross-gender student-counselor interactions and reported that these were most salient in their individual planning and counseling with students. When speaking with the 14 female middle school counselors, I found similarities to my own school counseling experiences. They perceived female students as being more inclined to seek female counselors' help in social/ personal areas and to want female school counselors' opinions, reactions, and approval in relation to their experiences and decisions. One female counselor stated, "Female students are voracious in their curiosity about me as a person and as a female and want to know everything I will disclose to them about 'what it was like' when I was in middle school." Another female counselor purported that "female middle school students are real with me and openly expose their fears, hopes, dreams, successes, and defeats with me." Another stated, "We laugh easily, and at times, we cry."

All of the female school counselors reported that they feel a natural affinity to spending time with female students because they know that they will have the opportunity to act as a role model and mentor to them both as adults and as females. Overall, the female counselors agreed that they witness similar interactions when facilitating all-female small groups. However, when working in co-ed groups, the female counselors noted that female and male students appeared to be equally receptive and engaged depending on their individual levels of comfort with their peers. Each of the female counselors perceived that all students seem to place more importance on their interactions with one another versus their counselor when in groups.

All of the female school counselors reported differing experiences with their male students in individual counseling. One female counselor shared that "my male students typically only voluntarily visit with me individually when they are expected to or when they need guidance with their academic decisions." Another stated, "Male students are more reserved with me and share less about their personal thoughts and feelings." Again, most of the female school counselors I interviewed echoed my own experiences. Although it took patience and more effort to build working alliances, I learned about the science and art of school counseling from my male students.

One female school counselor stated, "They challenge me to become more aware of my cultural competence as a school counselor and more aware of potential differences in the ways in which I interact with female and male students." In counseling situations, the female counselors reported that male students appeared to take more time to "open up," but the counselors willingly noted the variance in the ways in which they approach female and male students. One counselor stated, "It is challenging to ask open questions that engage female and male students in the same manner. It seems like my female students are more willing to participate but I know that the life experiences I have had do not mirror the male students' experiences, so maybe I am not asking the 'right' questions?" Another noted, "I have noticed that I always feel more comfortable with my female students."

The 8 male school counselors reported experiences similar to those of the female counselors in their same-gender and cross-gender relationships with students. For all of the males, working with female students brought about more perceived challenges than their working relationships with male students. More specifically, several male counselors reported that they take specific precautions when working with female students individually. One stated, "Because my female students are not as open with me about their personal experiences with boys, parents, sex, or drugs, I take care to have good boundaries with them when and if I need to ask them about personal situations at home or outside of school." Another male counselor stated, "If I am working with a female student and we begin discussing things that I am not comfortable with for one reason or another, I will ask the student's permission to bring a female counselor into the office." Yet another reported, "It seems that the female school counselors have a natural ability to connect with female students; I have gone to them for consultation numerous times and they come to me if they need consult concerning one of their male students."

One male counselor noted that some of his female students appear hesitant to approach him about personal concerns before their working alliances are built. He stated, "The female students who know that I am their school counselor will come to me with questions about teachers and academics but when they have a personal issue they will seek out one of our female counselors. This works both ways; male students seek me out for personal concerns." Another male counselor noted, "I find that the female students tend to be more reserved than my male students. No matter what topic we are discussing, my male students are more involved than female students." Another counselor stated, "I find it much easier to connect with the male students. They bring up issues I can easily relate to when we are discussing relationships, school experience, or even career plans."

Similar to the female school counselors' reports of ease and comfort in their relationships with female students, male counselors described working alliances with male students that formed naturally in individual counseling. One male counselor reported, "I have found that the male students come to me with anything that may be bothering them such as school, parents, friends, sports, bullying, etc. They have even told me that they come to me because I am a man." Another male counselor stated, "The boys are seeking adult male mentors, especially those who have no fathers or brothers in their lives. They openly ask me questions about girls and want to know what sports I played when I was in middle school and if I ever got into fights."

All 8 male counselors reported that their male students looked to them with respect and sought help in being adolescent males. Unlike their more "guarded" interactions with female students, male school counselors reported feeling more comfortable with their male students and regretted that they were not able to experience this with their female students. One male counselor stated, "I'm frustrated when I can't connect with female students. I mean, they see me talking easily with the boys and I think it may make them feel even less included."

Overall, both male and female counselors openly shared their perceptions of the challenges they face in their cross-gender working relationships with students. All 22 of the school counselor-participants described how their school counseling interactions differ in same-gender and cross-gender working alliances. Both female and male school counselors believed themselves to be genuine, caring school counselors; however, while discussing cross-gender interactions with their students, several of the counselors realized that they approach female and male students very differently. Eight of the school counselors openly stated that they have varying social and personal expectations of female and male students. In addition, all 22 of the counselors maintained that the specific challenges of cross-gender middle school student-counselor interactions seem to appear most often around the personal/social concerns of middle school students but also have appeared when working with students' academic planning and career awareness and planning.

Recommendations for Middle School Practice

The middle school counselors interviewed provided suggestions to enhance cross-gender relationship building with students. The resulting recommendations for practice are a culmination of the school counselors' and my own experiences. A starting point suggested for middle school counselors working in cross-gender interactions is to actually ask about and discuss female/male students' comfort levels when working with a counselor from the opposite gender. The school counselors recommended that if school counselors verbally acknowledge potential gender differences that exist between themselves and their students and allow for students to share their thoughts and/or reactions, open counseling interactions can occur. This open discussion can easily take place in individual interactions with students but must be initiated by school counselors. It is recommended that counselors remain open to students' varying definitions and expectations of females and males, not only in individual situations but in small group and classroom lessons as well, and verbally assure students that they are open to listening and helping no matter the gender.

These forms of openness around gender identity, expectations, and experiences may permit middle school counselors to model genuine and honest behavior and communication styles by asking open-ended questions about students' personal and academic lives. One female counselor noted, "The key to building rapport with students of different genders is to show you want to know them." Through taking the time to know students, middle school counselors can show that they want to learn what it means to be a female or male adolescent middle school student in the 21st century. In other words, school counselors should never assume that they know what it means to be the female or male middle school student and should not perpetuate traditional or nontraditional gender roles when working with students.

The school counselors also recommended that middle school counselors take ethical precautions when working in cross-gender alliances. One recommendation was to maintain strong boundaries around physical proximity and touch in individual interactions. Also, after informing students of exceptions to confidentiality, school counselors should invite their female or male students to openly share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences when they are comfortable to so. If and when school counselors are in doubt about the content of students' concerns, they should have solid collegial relationships where they can consult and/or refer students.

Often, when middle school counselors find themselves with an all-same-gender staff (as often happens with females in the profession), counselors can elicit support from male teachers and coaches by forming an advisory council or mentoring program. This also may extend to collaboration with health instructors who can aid in classroom lessons on healthy/unhealthy relationships with people of the opposite gender. In small groups and classroom lessons, middle school counselors can educate students on the benefits of cross-gender relationships by explaining the importance of multiple perspectives. Finally, it is recommended that school counselors show interest in their students of the opposite gender outside of individual counseling settings. This might take the form of being a faculty advisor to a student organization where rapport could be built with cross-gender students outside of the counselor's setting.

FINAL THOUGHTS AND FUTURE DIRECTIONS

Based on the conversations with middle school counselors and my experience as a school counselor, it appears that same-gender counselor-student working relationships are more comfortable and natural for middle school counselors than cross-gender relationships. It is possible that cross-gender relationships are a substantive cultural issue for middle school counselors due to young adolescents' emerging sexuality, relationship, and gender identity issues. The likelihood of cross-gender school counselor-student working alliances that exist today in middle schools creates the need for school counselors' personal awareness of and increased sensitivity to the challenges these relationships may elicit. Although same-gender school counseling interactions may be more comfortable for professional middle school counselors than cross-gender school counseling relationships, the challenges in cross-gender student-counselor relationships can be intentionally reframed into positive, beneficial, and growth-inspiring interactions for female and male school counselors and students.

With their continuing openness to new knowledge, self-awareness, and ever-developing counseling skills, female and male middle school counselors can positively aid in the academic, career, and personal/social development of their female and male students. Future research should investigate middle school counselors' and students' perceptions of the helpfulness of same-gender and cross-gender student-counselor relationships and closely examine the perceptions that middle school counselors have concerning the effectiveness of same-gender working alliances.

References

Esters, I. G., & LeDoux, C. L. (2001). At-risk high school students' preferences for counselor characteristics. Professional School Counseling, 4, 165-170.

Gerler, E. R. (1991). The challenge of counseling in middle schools. Ann Arbor, Ml: ERIC Clearinghouse on Counseling and Personnel Services.

Johnson, M. E., & Dowling-Guyer, S. (1996). Effects of inclusive versus exclusive language on evaluations of the counselor. Sex Roles, 34, 407-418.

Kroger, J. (1999). Identity development: Adolescence through adulthood. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

Okamoto, S., & Chesney-Lind, M. (2000).The relationship between gender and practitioners' fear in working with high-risk adolescents. Child & Youth Care Forum, 29, 373-382.

Rice, F. P. (1999). Child and adolescent development. New York: Prentice-Hall.

Andrea Dixon Rayle is an assistant professor of counseling, and the school counseling coordinator, at Arizona State University, Tempe. E-mail: [e-mail]