Cricket: Moores is less when it comes to sizing up our Ashes prospects; THIRD TEST, FIRST DAY FROM TRENT BRIDGE: THE KEV & TIM SHOW.

Byline: BY MIKE WALTERS

COACHES, as Shane Warne once observed memorably, are vehicles which transport cricketers to Test matches.

GeniusWarne never had much time for Australian guru John Buchanan, who piloted the Baggy Greens' unbroken run on top of the hat-stand - and was nicknamed 'Pluto' by his players because some of his ideas were so far out.

Among Buchanan's wackier methods we re the indoctrination of his team with the ramblings of ancient Chinese warlords and sending them into the outback for a four-day boot camp in the bush.

Ultimately, however, Buchanan took little credit when Australia trampled all before them - but his strategic input was an expedient target on the rare occasions when they came up short.

England coach Peter Moores must have suffered his own pangs of impotence yesterday as his fireproof top six, with the honourable exception of Kevin Pietersen, found themselves in another fine mess at Trent Bridge.

Against India on the same ground last year, England's most aggressive act was to deposit jelly beans on a good length - and still nobody knows whose sticky fingers were responsible. When the stray confectionery had been swept up, England were duly rewarded for their silliness with the first defeat of Moores' reign, and they have been struggling to reassert themselves ever since.

To win at Old Trafford last month, after conceding a 179- run deficit, was undeniably an excellent fightback, but let's not kid ourselves.

If England are as languid in the first innings against South Africa later this summer, when they will have to contend with four biltong-chewing fast bowlers instead of New Zealand lambs, they will get hammered.

This was the game where Moores' team were supposed to be the front-runners, where they dominated less gilded opponents from first ball to last.

But instead of the real England standing up to be counted, the top six lay down to be counted out.

Alastair Cook, his footwork a tribute to quick-drying cement, has now delivered one century in a calendar year and, with extended form like that, he will soon have a great future behind him.

Michael Vaughan missed a straight half-volley, while Ian Bell and Paul Collingwood served up enough ducks for TV birdwatchers Bill Oddie and Kate Humble to relocate their Springwatch to Nottingham.

So far Bell's only contribution has been to leave Mark Nicholas nursing a bump the size of an ostrich egg when the Channel Five anchorman strayed into the flight path of a wayward throw in pre-match practice.

Some, unkindly, may have envied Bell his direct hit; but few would covet his chances of survival if he doesn't deliver in the second innings here.

In his programme notes, Moores celebrated England's knack of "winning Test matches at a time when we are still very much in a development period".

But with the Aussies due to land 12 months from now to defend the Ashes, it's high time flimsy development and mixed messages gave way to sustained progress.

Sooner or later Vaughan's laid-back captaincy - grazing at mid-off, leaving his players to work it out for themselves - will have to dovetail with Moores' abundant paper qualifications and happy-clappy enthusiasm.

Clean out the bridal suite - the honeymoon's over for Moores. England may be singing from the same hymn sheet, but they are not all warbling in the same key.

CAPTION(S):

LITTLE AND LARGE SHOW Tim Ambrose gets a pat from Pietersen during their stand of 161; POINTS TO PROVE England coach Peter Moores