Creativity tested playing tournament Hooky. (Commentary).

LONDON--There are many serious issues this column could discuss. Romano Prodi has proposed stepping up economic integration in the EU. Wim Duisenberg may raise interest rates. All sorts of stuff is happening with Europe's telecommunications industry.

But let's be honest. There's only one thing anybody wants to talk about in Europe these days. How are we going to get out of the office to watch the World Cup?

When it has been staged in their own continent, Europeans have watched the games either in the late afternoon or evening. When it was held in the Americas, the games might have been late at night, but that just meant some bleary eyes in the office the next day.

This year, the games in Japan and Korea take place between breakfast and lunch, European time. That leaves two choices for European fans: Miss the match or skip out of the office for a couple of hours? Which path will they take? I think we already know.

But skipping out of the office is harder than it looks. For this month, ordinary excuses aren't good enough. A sudden bout of flu? Nobody will believe you. Burst drain? Sure, you got a plumber to come over while there is football on. Delays on the train? Clear your desk now, loser.

Devilish cunning 

No, every desk jockey in Europe is going to have to employ devilish cunning and nerves of steel. Jamming out of the office must be raised to an art form if we're not to end the month on the unemployment lines.

Rule One, learn how to pace yourself. The trick is to start out with small but slippery excuses, saving the blockbusters for really crucial games. Even better, go for something that makes your boss feel small for complaining.

How about: "Sorry, I stopped to give blood." Or, "I stopped at the bank to set up a standing order to sponsor a starving child in an underdeveloped country."

Rule Two, plan ahead. You should have seen this coming. if you (or your partner) got pregnant at the right time you could be on maternity/paternity leave this month. If a conference in a nice hotel in the right time zone had been arranged you would have no problems. The really smart people will already have lined up big trips, and lots of time away. if you haven't, it's too late--but start thinking about Germany in 2006.

Rule Three, work in teams. What you need are partners, preferably people you can do business with. Say you arrange a breakfast meeting with a client, in a bar with a giant screen. Your boss will be pretty suspicious about that. But if you get a big sale, they aren't going to mind at all. And there will be lots more meetings to discuss implementing said contract. The key is to square a willing client.

Think big

Rule Four, if you are going to tell a lie, tell a big one.

Imagine your team has got through to the semi-finals (the final is on a Sunday, so that's okay). Trivial but cunning excuses won't cut it. What you need is to come up with something so implausible and outrageous, you boss will be temporarily lost for words. By the time they think of a response, you'll be in the clear.

Need something outlandish? Like a Hollywood scriptwriter, it's best to think big. Here's one. "Well, sir, I was on the train to work, and I saw these papers on the next seat some guy had left behind. I glanced at it and it said, 'For Osama's Eyes Only--Assembling a Dangerous Nuclear Device.' So, I figured I should drop it off with the police, and they wanted all the details and it seemed rude not to help out. So, hey, maybe I was a couple of hours late, but I averted a major nuclear attack."

Watch the brute try to complain about that.

(Note to editor: That Enron piece. Couldn't we just dust it off, sling in a couple of fresh adjectives and run it again?)

Matthew Lynn is a columnist with Bloomberg News.