Could short names be key to election success?

THE names of the Democrat contenders lot the presidency and the Republican incumbent got me to thinking. Could these guys get elected president if they had long names? Granted, Arnold Schwarzenegger may prove that tongue-twister names don't matter in politics. But for want of a better term, Schwarzenegger is a fluke.

Before the Iowa caucus on Jan. 20, the Democrat wannabes were Clarke, Dean. Edwards, Gephardt. Kerry, Kucinich, Lieberman, and Sharpton. Only Lieberman and Kucinich have three-syllabic names. Even Johnny-come-lately Nader is two syllables. And on the Republican side. Bush is Bush.

You have to go back to Eisenhower to find a President with four syllables. We've had 12 one-syllable Presidents, 19 two-syllable Presidents and 11 three-syllable Presidents. Only Eisenhower carries the banner for four syllabics.

As a nation we seem to favor short easy-to-remember names. Walter Matthau made over 60 movies. But he decided early on that his last name--Matuschanskavasky--had four syllables too many. Would Matuschanskavasky be a liability on the way to the White House?

Robert Zimmerman and Henry John Deustchendorf Jr. opted for names that had fewer syllables and more pizazz. They became Bob Dylan and John Denver. Caryn Johnson wanted a more head-turning name and settled on Whoopi Goldberg.

Corporations and pharmaceutical companies spend big bucks finding just the right name.

Volvo picked its name because it means "I roll" in Latin. Which is logical. The company started life making ball bearings. The Pepsi Cola name comes from its cola nut flavoring and the fact that Pepsi originally was marketed for dyspepsia. Lego is Danish (leg godt) for "play well." Reebok is a very, fast African gazelle. Sony means "sound" in Latin. And anything had to be better than 7-Up's original name: Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda. Supposedly 7-Up has seven flavors, but nobody's saying what the other five are.

And I got all this information where? From an Internet search engine Google. Milton Sirota made up the word googol to stand for the numeral 1 followed by 100 zeros--a very large number. The Google company says its name, a second-cousin to googol, reflects their mission to organize a mind-blowing amount of information on the Web.

But back to names and elections. It's my contention that no one can run lot president in the United States these days without a short name and plenty of hair. So if any geezers are thinking of running for prez in 2008, advanced age is not going to keep you from it. Health problems can be worked around and you can be in a wheelchair, use a cane, or have artificial limbs. But get your name down to two syllables well in advance of throwing your hat in the ring--and start using a hair grower as soon as possible.

Joy Tomme is a Philadelphia-based freelance writer.