Couch tour: Hollywood, Helsinki, Hanoi.

IT'S BEEN EXACTLY 90 DAYS since I last wrote anything for Thrasher. I know this because lately I've been counting. So 90 days ago was the last day of the Emerica World Tour. You remember that shit, right? When I went around the world 'cause I'm such a hanger-on? Well, the tour ended and I did just that, I just kept on hangin'. I had a plane ticket to fly back to New York but Andrew Reynolds and Justin Regan, through practically no persuasion, convinced me to spend some more time in LA. They were even nice enough to let me bounce from couch to couch to couch...

Freeloaded

AT FIRST I STAYED at Justin and his wonderful girlfriend Bethany's house, then after a few days I moved into Andrew and Bryan's apartment on Sunset. Bryan never seemed to be around; I think he was traveling the whole time I was there. So Spanky and I would fight over who got to sleep in Bryan's vacant room, the loser sleeping on the floor in the living room (Spanky and I are both rational people and we divided the time evenly). I'm not sure how you would imagine Andrew and Bryan's place, but let's just say it was about as lavish as a first-year college student's dorm room complete with Biggie, Scarface and Sex Pistols posters on the walls. They had almost no furniture except a dirty couch and the usual scattered skate videos and comedy DVDs.

In Bryan's absence a substitute was found in an insane spazz named Alex Parker, offspring of the notorious Steve Olson (no, not the matching-sweatsuit one, but the older leather jacket one). Alex is the most out-of-it kid ever. Alex bounds into a room and erupts as if he has some sort of very important question like "Hey! Do you guy's think that..." and then trails off and says "Oh, never mind..." At this point you can try to fish out what he was going to say or you can ignore it like it never happened. I opted for the latter when I finally realized how stupid some of his potential questions were. But this is not to say that Alex is stupid. In fact he's quite smart and completely hilarious, I just think his brain works too fast sometimes. Spanky and Alex together were such a cannon of hyperactivity. They would spazz out into all hours of the night, and they kept me out of my head and very sane. I just thought, "I want what they have. I want to be as excited about life as they are, like I was when I was their age."

It also seemed like clockwork that once I was finally calmed down enough from the laughter and fell asleep, I would be startled awake by the telephone ringing in the morning. The answering machine would pick up: "Andrew, Patrick, wake up! This is Jim. Let's go get tattoos today! I'm coming over!" Shortly thereafter Jim would arrive like a tornado. "Yo, 'Drew! Let's get tattoos! He's still sleeping? 'Drew! Let's go get our Axl Setups!"

Me and Jim came up with "Axl Setup" based on the configuration of Axl Rose's tattoos. We spent one too many nights watching my 1988 Heodbangers' Ball tape of a one-hour concert by GNR Oh man, this tape is epic. You can throw this in on the dullest night with no chicks and--boom! Instant party! I've spent many nights partying around this tape. Oh, and what an event to watch it with Erik Ellington. He had to pause and rewind even the smallest Axl gesticulation or tantrum. It was great! But back to Jim torture...

Grecs the Wreck

SO JIM WOULD come into the house, "Yo Drew! Let's go skate. Let's go eat. Let's go get tattoos!" Then he'd run around the house trying to get people motivated. If one person wouldn't budge, he'd go to the next. 'Let's go! Let's get our setups!" Although this could be described as torture, to Jim it's like who wouldn't want to skate? Who wouldn't want to get tattoos? Jim's energy is amazing considering how much he's been through. Jim and I went over to Sunset tattoos across the street. I think it's the place where Axl and Slash and a host of lesser names got their setups, so we had to go there. Once Jim got one tattoo he immediately seemed so high, and had to go right back and get more. Jim exhibited true junkie behavior and just had to get more, more, more. I got a few with him, but had no desire to keep up. He'd say to me: "Man, we used to be tattoo buddies, get some more tattoos! What happened to your Axi setup! Just get something off the wall!" He was getting so many that the tattoo place would tell him he had to wait for them to heal before they could give him more, and Jim could barely handle waiting a week to get another. I'm sure you'll see photos of his new tattoos, but let's just say in a matter of a month, he got almost every spot on his arms covered. But don't call it a sleeve, 'cause it's an Axi Setup! As Jim would say, "A sleeve is when everything is covered, when there's waves and fire or something connecting every tattoo. On my arm you can still see skin." Although in Jim's case, there's not much room left.

While I was staying there, Andrew bought a house on Melrose and moved in. He was nice enough to let me live in the guest room. Melrose is kind of a cheesy place, but it's a nice area to live, and it was fun to sit on the porch and watch people. Sometimes Shane Heyl would come by and drink 40s and yell to his satisfaction at whatever person couldn't parallel park. When too many people would come over, Andrew would say, "Oh man, it's turning into a Hope-Road-like situation in here."

Marley Moochers

HOPE ROAD IS THE HOUSE Bob Marley got when he finally had some money Andrew has a Bob Marley documentary and when they show 14 Hope Road in the film, there's always like dudes smoking weed, people playing soccer in the back, people playing music, and maybe a pregnant chick on the couch completing the look. So Andrew's house would start to fill with crew and you could see him starting to wig out a little. "Man, people just make messes without even knowing that they're doing it," he'd say. I don't know if you guys know this about Andrew, and I don't know if he wants you to know, but he's a complete neat freak. Everything in the house is always obsessively organized. And I know that Andrew was building some resentment towards me based on my up keep of the guest room. He would come in and take inventory, "Do you think you could clean this room up a little?"

One day Andrew excitedly told me, "We're going to Finland for a contest and we're going to see Hanoi Rocks play!" So somehow Andrew, Spanky and I end up in Helsinki. If you don't know about Hanoi Rocks, it's alright; I spent most of my life oblivious. They're a punk/glam band from the early '80s, and at their best they sound like GNR or the Clash. At their worst they sound like an '80s hair band. I had never listened to them until Andrew was playing it. I think they're awesome, but Jim, Andrew, and Ali are obsessed. Jim has similar tattoos to Michael Monroe, the singer, and he dresses similar to Andy McCoy, the guitar player. Ali saw Andy McCoy in a bar in Finland once and I guess Ali kind of rushed him, something about calling him "Peter Pan." Andy elbowed him in the face and Au choked him back. I don't know, the obsession levels seem to be pretty high among certain Piss Drunx.

So once in Helsinki, I guess the mangers of Hanoi Rocks heard that Andrew was a fan and decided to include him in a video they were making. So Andrew was down to be in it of course, and I decided a Hanoi rocks interview was in order. Andrew said, "These might be the most famous people you will ever interview." I have a feeling I could call Andrew and tell him I was interviewing The Pope or something and it wouldn't matter as much as this. So the next day we had to wait around in the parking lot of the contest for Michael Monroe to show up. I guess he and Andy went big the night before so Michael was running late, and Andy wasn't going to show up at all. Andy is definitely the star of the band, so it was a disappointment not to get to do an interview with him. There's an amazing documentary/movie about Andy McCoy called The Real McCoy.

I saw Ali in the contest and asked if he wanted to come outside, and he was like, "I'm not going anywhere near that Andy McCoy asshole." But since Andy wasn't going to be there, All came out for a while. Meeting Michael Monroe went well. He looked incredibly haggard from years of drug abuse; I think the reason Hanoi Rocks never got their due was because they were too out of it. But Andrew and Michael had a good time hanging out. He played some songs on his guitar for us, and said some outrageous stuff.

Boulala 1st Place stunner 

THE ACTUAL CONTEST was great too. This is regarded as Arto Saari's contest, because I think he does a lot of work organizing it. And he judges. There were some well-known pros there, but not too many. Jerry Hsu, Paul Shier, Quim Cardona, Nilton Nieves, Kenny Reed, and Alex Castaneda come to mind. Everyone skated well, except Jerry. He missed his run 'cause he was out too late partying. What has the world come to when Ali wins and Jerry piles out? In the finals Nilton Nieves skated awesome, then he spouted off some weird Half-Life talk at every opportunity. Something about hats keeping us oppressed.

Ali's winning run was down-right amazing I mean, who knew? He tailslid a big wall that almost no one else skated. He did a Japan air over a hip and into a corner. He did a kickflip melon, and a sketchy frontside flip pulled off as only All could. By the time Ali finished his run the crowd was stomping and cheering. At the end they all mobbed him for autographs. Ali's mom was blowing him kisses and giving everyone hugs. It was great that she was so excited.

Post-contest interview

Did you come to the contest thinking "I'm going to win this thing?"

Ali: No way. I didn't come to skate really, just to see my mom.

Did you think you made it into the finals?

No way. I made nothing to qualify into the finals. Lucky.

Okay, I need to get to the bottom of what happened between you and Andy McCoy.

All I know is he elbowed me in the face. He got pissed. He was drunk or something.

Andrew: You had nothing to do with it? "He was drunk or something?" I heard you choked him.

No. That was after.

Where did you see him?

In some bar that I always go to, and he was there with his wife. Here, in Finland.

Did you come up to him like a deranged fan?

Probably. But I don't remember too much of it all.

And then he elbowed you in the face?

Yeah. I was talking to him and he got pissed off, or,...I don't know. And then I tried to choke him. And I got attacked by angry bouncers. "This man is a Finnish legend! Don't go near him!" they were saying.

So did you try and win this contest so that a Hanoi hater would win?

I think me winning was bigger than the concert.

Justin Regan: Do you ever worry that people will just consider you a contest guy?

I've never won a contest ever in my life. I don't even go to the contests.

THAT NIGHT we went and saw Hanoi Rocks play. They played at the same place where the contest was, but it was like something out of Spinal Tap. Here's one of the best and formerly one of the most famous bands in Finland, and they couldn't really fill up a concert in their hometown to the fun box in the street course. I even asked Arto if they played a lot, and he said "No. Maybe once a year." I got to see Andy McCoy standing around. I wanted to interview him because first of all he's awesome, and secondly because he used to skate. But his manager told me he was in a "fun meeting." Michael Monroe, I guess, wanted Andrew to come back stage but Andrew, Spanky, and All watched the concert from the back. The manager kept coming out saying, "Where's Andrew? They want him to come back to the VIP room." Andrew was hiding somewhere with Ali.

Michael Monroe of Hanoi Rocks

Do you think Hanoi Rocks influenced a lot of other bands?

Who were some of your big influences when you first started?

Little Richard. Then the Rolling Stones were there. The Alice Cooper Band...that stuff was great. Actually, when I first started playing rock and roll I saw Black Sabbath on TV in 1970 live in Paris. And I thought I want to be like that crazy singer leaping about." That's why I wanted to be a singer.

That's what I'm told. Some bands take some things, like Guns 'N' Roses says we were a major influence, but they have their own thing. Then there are some bands that just tried to copy the look and stuff, but they missed the point and they never had the attitude. Back then I would get so embarrassed to be a lead singer when all those haircut bands were around. We had a more punk attitude--tough, but we wanted to be a good looking band that rocks like fuck with good songs when it comes down to it.

What's the video you're filming today?

It's called A Day Late, A Dollar Short.

How did you decide to have Andrew in the video?

Well, because of this skateboard contest happening, we were kind of led together by a higher force. He's a big fan. I'm amazed; I'm very honored that he's in our video.

So you guys started a skateboard company?

Yeah, well, there's a board line. I hear they're good quality. Andrew, what do you think of the boards? Are they okay?

Andrew: Yeah. It's just a board.

A regular board. It's not a rip-off or anything.

Justin Regan: I heard that you used to skateboard.

No, that was Andy that skated.

(Ed note: He then went into some story about how he used to roller-skate as a kid, but it's like, who cares?)

But you have your name on a skateboard. Doesn't that make you a pro skater?

Andrew: Yeah, definitely.

No fucking way. I risk my life enough on stage, I don't think I have to tempt fate. I'd break my neck. Andrew, make sure you come back stage tomorrow.

And I'll try and get my solo album to you.