Costumes & rippage: damn am 2005.

"I HOPE YOU'RE A BETTER COOK than you are a skater," Schaeffer blasted at the kid dressed as a chef who missed his nollie heelflip. Ah yes, I'm back at Damn Am! You know what this means: dunk tanks, ripping bands, free food, 30-minute-long product tosses, some character assassination on the mic ... Oh yeah, and skateboarding by tomorrow's heroes. This year's event took place the weekend before Halloween, and while most kids nowadays are already wearing costumes every time they skate, at least for this weekend they had a legitimate excuse.

THE FIRST THING I went to find when I got to Damn Am was the air jousting setup. There's something about watching a bunch of kids turn into savages, possibly willing to kill their own grandmothers just for a free board, that I find amusing. Unfortunately, this year there was no air jousting, but there was the dunk tank! Almost equally as amusing, I love watching the few girls who actually go to the contest eventually give in to peer pressure, reluctantly agreeing to get plunged. I doubt the girls really give a crap about the free boards or stickers they get, but they just can't say no to the persistent man on the mic, who just happens to be wearing a bathrobe. This year, the same girl got dunked at least 10 times. And for some reason, it never got old.

I don't know if the more well-known ams think they're too cool for the contest, or if they're scared that they'll look foolish, but it seemed like most of the kids out there were no-namers. That's not to say their skating wasn't good, because it was definitely top-notch. The course was pretty much the same as last year, but reversed. During the finals, the runs were all pretty solid: I did spend much of that time consuming my four for four-dollar tall can specials. Just to name a few, Flip's Eric Fletcher is precise and can kickflip into any trick on lock; Danny Rosario is one of the few kids who actually has a proper, fully developed style: and Tyler Hendley's high-flying techness earned him first place, both in the qualifying and the finals. He lost the sweatbands this year, then he won the contest. Coincidence? I think not.

The best trick is always the most entertaining part of the weekend. It's where the hammers come out, and so do the stretchers. The 30-minute session was held on the pyramid rail, and it was pretty obvious that to take gold, you had to fly over the flat to a trick down the rail. I shot a gap kickflip boardslide with Terell Robinson earlier in the day, so I figured he would do that again and take the prize. Then out of nowhere, Adam Dyet came out swinging with a gap kickflip back lip, followed by a gap back noseblunt--two of the more gnarly ticks to do over a flat onto a rail. David Gravette, the new kid on Creature, pulled out a gap kickflip frontside grind which is as awkward as it is gnarly. Then Terell, with his white skeleton face paint, blew all minds with a gap 360 flip to boardslide. Yeah, to boardslide! Which, I'm pretty sure, is the first one ever done. It was over then; no one's topping that shit. Terell won, Adam Dyet got second, and David Gravette got third. Can't wait to see those tricks on some real rails!

Damn Am ended in its usually way: with a half-hour product toss. Grown men fighting youngsters for boards, girls getting trampled on, little rat kids crawling in the gutter for Adio stickers ... and the shit just keeps on coming. It's a great place to do your Christmas shopping. I also must note that my prayers were answered: I did not hear the ubiquitous Duncanism "Crazy Brazilian style" once the entire weekend.