Coping in a tough world: Part 5: going the extra mile: when it seems impossible, do it anyway.

When it seems impossible, do it anyway.

"Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles And by opposing, end then."--Hamlet

Going the extra mile means doing more than you thought you could. In a difficult conversation, the implications are clear: follow through on suggestions you made, offer a ton of goodwill (yes, it's hard!), give more than you demand. If you have taken the earlier steps of the coping process--seeing the gold, dropping the blueprints, working toward agreement--you will find this one possible, it not easy. Once you have experienced its harmonious results, it will become less of a struggle.

This step can take you through tougher situations, too. Consider the champions who prevailed over the very forces of nature, people like Lance Armstrong, Christopher Reeve, Charles Lindbergh, Helen Keller. These people seem larger than life--or at least, larger than arty of us. We tend to look at them, shake our heads, and admire but not identify. "I couldn't do that. Keep going under those conditions? No." That is why we say that going the extra mile means doing more than you thought you could.

MEET SOME EXTRA MILERS

A manager we know who lost his job researched the possibilities and then sent out 1500 applications, with a different, focused cover letter for each. He is now working again, at a higher salary than before.

A participant in one of our classes was made shift supervisor at an unwilling, hostile group. His response was to put in many extra hours creating a "shift B Newsletter" that publicly praised anything good done by anyone on the shift. Although they began by deriding his project, the antagonistic team couldn't help enjoying their own "good press." After a couple of months, they began to work for recognition, even writing up their efforts for inclusion in the brag sheet.

A woman we know started a ballet school in the poorest section of a big city. She put street kids with no dance experience through long hours of rigorous training, in the hopes of opening doors for them. When one child claimed that she couldn't sustain it, her teacher said simply, "Do it anyway." when we asked our friends how they did it, their responses produced a clear guidance sheet.

The manager said, "Knocking myself out was easier than giving up. I think just laying on the ground and being steamroller would have killed me."

The supervisor said, "If the bar is high, you have to jump higher to clear it."

The dance instructor said, "When you think you can't do it, do it anyway."

A COMMUNICATION PLAN

Going the extra mile does not come naturally. Most of us have to talk ourselves into it. Using the guidance of the extra milers, we propose the following internal dialogue:

   Instinctive response: "This is so unfair! I can't take it
   any more."

   Coping response: "If it's unfair, fight against it."

   Instinctive response: "I can't. It's too much for me. I'm
   completely beaten down."

   Coping response: "Laying on the ground and being
   steamrolled won't make you feel much better."

   Instinctive response: "So what do you expect me to
   do? Levitate?"

   Coping response: "Try a anything that might improve
   the situation. If the bar is high, you just have to jump
   higher."

   Instinctive response: "But I'm not a champion. I can't
   ... (write a thousand letters, tame a hostile group, practice
   for eight hours, etc.). It's not in me."

   Coping response: "How do you know? You've never
   tried. Just do it. If you find it's harder than anything
   you've ever done--well, that's going the extra mile. Do
   it anyway."

Good luck! S!

Cheryl and Peter Reimold have been teaching communication skills to engineers, scientists, and businesspeople for 20 years. Their firm, PERC Communications (telephone [phone], e-mail [e-mail]), offers businesses consulting and writing services, as well as customized in-house courses on writing, presentation skills, and on-the-job communication skills, Visit their web site at www.allaboutcommunication.com.