Complete unity: why sex should be reserved for marriage.

Trish and Jon are in love. As young adults they know the difference between infatuation and committed love. Their relationship has weathered some rocky times--and through it all, their love continues to grow stronger.

Because both Trish and Jon have plans for graduate study, they realize it may be a few years before they'll be able to marry. But lately they've been feeling some pressure. The hugs are arousing strong responses, and the kisses are becoming more intense. They wonder if waiting until marriage for sex is really necessary, or just an old-fashioned concept.

After all, they're totally committed to each other. They're mature, intelligent adults. They know all about safe sex and birth control. And they're planning on being married someday. Trish and Jon are asking the questions many unmarried couples ask: What's wrong with sexual intercourse before marriage? How can something be wrong when it makes us feel so good? These are legitimate questions, and trite responses aren't going to satisfy. But the answer to these questions won't become clear until you understand why God created sex. (I'll give you a hint--it wasn't just for procreation.

Why God created sex. For all the really important and wonderful things in God's world, He has always had symbols to help us remember certain meanings. I believe marriage was God's crowning act of Creation. He gave us marriage to help us comprehend His relationship to us.

What better symbol could God design for complete unity than sexual intercourse? Two different individuals, a male and a female, joining together in the highest and most intimate form of human love. That's powerful, and that alone makes the sex act so holy that it becomes difficult to watch movies or listen to music or hear words that attempt to make it commonplace and vulgar.

But there is more. Marriage should ideally be a lifetime relationship. In order for men and women to be constantly reminded of their commitment to this lifetime unity with their marriage partners, sexual intercourse was created to be so exciting, so pleasurable, and so fulfilling that humans would look forward to experiencing it again and again--each time celebrating and renewing their marital commitment.

Think about it--there is nothing else in the marriage relationship that has this same meaning. Sexual intercourse is the only human act that God reserved exclusively for a marriage partner. And each time this oneness is expressed, it reminds the couple of the lifetime commitment they have made to each other.

Why wait? Sex outside of marriage diminishes its symbolic meaning of commitment to marriage for life. That is the strongest reason of all to wait. But if you are still asking "What's wrong with premarital sex?" you might consider the following reasons, any one of which is reason enough to say no. Read 1 Corinthians 6:13, 18, 19; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Ephesians 5:3. * A Binding Force

Sex before marriage can become a binding force leading to marriage based on sex and not friendship and love. Just because you've had sex doesn't mean you should marry a person. You should marry the person with whom you will have the best possible chance of becoming everything God wants each of you to be. * Memories

Flashbacks of previous sexual encounters can haunt a marriage. You can control your body a lot easier than you can control your mind. * Real Love?

Premarital sex can make it difficult to distinguish between real love and infatuation. Because sexual intercourse is designed to bring two people together as one, when it is experienced outside of marriage, it can confuse a person's feelings and decision-making ability. Premarital sex feels like it is enhancing oneness and leads a couple to believe it is safe to go ahead and get married. But the fact is, premarital sex usually only promotes body unity and not the mind and soul unity that is necessary for lifetime commitment. * Guilt

Guilt feelings over sex before marriage can be carried over to sex in marriage. If you participate in premarital sex and know it's wrong, it's quite natural to feel guilty. The more sex you have, the more it will be accompanied by guilt, and the more difficult it will be later in a marital relationship to have guilt-free sex. Even though you know sex is OK after marriage, your mind still associates it with guilt. * Premarital Pregnancy

If you don't think unintended pregnancy is a problem today, just look at the statistics on abortions and unwed mothers. And they are increasing each year. * AIDS and Other Diseases

With most sexually transmitted diseases, such as gonorrhea, syphilis, or herpes, you usually know within a few days or weeks whether you have contracted the disease because of obvious physical symptoms. The AIDS virus, however, can stay dormant in your body for up to 10 years before you have any symptoms. This means that for 10 years a person may be unknowingly infecting sexual partners with the virus.

Venereal disease is in itself extremely serious if not deadly. And add to this the emotional grief caused by the disease.

Also, there is an increased risk of cervical cancer among women who engage in sex with multiple partners. * Weakens Marriage Premarital sex isn't good for marriage. Research findings indicate that those who have premarital sex tend to have less happy marriages, are more likely to have their marriages end in divorce, and are more likely to have extramarital affairs. * Damages Reputation

It's almost impossible to keep premarital sex a secret, no matter how hard you try. Eventually someone finds out, or one of the parties feels so guilty they confess to a third party. What will this knowledge do to your reputation? Do you have the right to destroy another person's reputation? And what about the respect you have for that person--and for yourself? * Destroys Trust Once premarital sex has occurred, there is a very good chance that one or both partners may sometime in the future question, "If this person had sex with me outside the marriage relationship, would he or she do so with someone else?" This leads to doubt, mistrust, and jealousy. * Habit-forming

Premarital sex tends to be habit forming. This is especially true when sex is experienced with a number of partners. If the sexual act no longer means a one-flesh commitment for life, then there is little to prevent a spouse from finding sexual partners outside the marriage relationship. When sex with various partners has been a habit, it's almost impossible for wives or husbands, no matter how good they may be in bed, to be able to continue to satisfy their spouses' increased appetite for novelty and change. It puts the spouse wanting a monogamous relationship in an almost impossible position. * Erodes Relationship With God

Sex is God's gift to you to be used as He instructs. Marriage is truly a beautiful experience, and the complete sexual experience is worth saving for your lifetime partner as a gift symbolizing a binding commitment. This is God's plan for your ultimate happiness.

Health May Predict Impotence 

Now there's even more reason for men to pay attention to their health, especially their cholestero In a significant study at the Boston University School of Medicine, researches found that men who ha heart disease, hypertension, or diabetes were as much as four times more likely to be completely imp in later life than men without these diseases, and the problem was amplified men who smoked.

The researchers also found that low levels of HDL, be "good" cholesterol, are associated with an i creased likelihood of complete impotence.

"The implication of this finding is that HDL levels, which are elevated by exercise, could be targ way of lessening the likelihood of impotence," says Irwin Goldstein, a coauthor of the study.

"In fact, the overall finding of the study is that, although no inroads have been made in decreasi incidence of impotence, men who pay attention to their physical health can potentially reduce their of developing the condition," he says. The study also underscored the importance of preventing and t vascular disease.

Kay Kuzma, Ed.D., is president of Family Matters, a radio, TV, and seminar ministry in Cleveland, Tennessee.