Communication tips for the job search and on the job. (Career Management).

Nothing is more important in getting a job than your communication skills: Listening, speaking, and nonverbal skills. If you don't do these well, your technical knowledge won't ever be put to good use. A physician executive recruiter recently told me that when he asked the consulting firm for a job description for the person they had hired him to find, they said, "We don't have a job description. We want two things--the person can play well with others and can sell." Playing well with others involves listening and having self-control about what you say. To sell yourself and your ideas or products, you must speak well. You also must be well-groomed, look energetic, and sound reasonably happy to be at work.

Listening

Listening is step one in playing well with others. If you don't listen, eventually people will not like you because you don't understand the concept of taking turns. After a while they will think you are rude and selfish, even if you think you are doing the world a favor by filling dead air space. Recently I was at a lunch for five when one person never stopped talking. In a detached, distant mood I wondered--who does he think he is? I rationalized and said he is nervous, doesn't want anyone to be uncomfortable with quiet interludes. Then I thought, I don't care about the reasons, just shut up and learn to take turns.

To let people know you are listening, you need to:

* Stop talking

* Ask open-ended questions: "What do you like about your job?" draws out more information. "Do you like your job?" is a closed question that invites a yes or no answer.

* Paraphrase, restate, or summarize some of what the person has said to you. Examples: "So you think your job may be phased out in the next couple of months." "People are not including you in meetings the way they used to."

* Talk about feelings. This is the highest level of listening and you won't always choose to do it, because it takes time and can make both parties uncomfortable. When you talk about feelings, people feel understood.

Example: "You're pretty sure you are going to lose your job, your wife refuses to move, and you think you won't be able to make the mortgage payments. That's frightening and can keep you awake at night."

Speaking

Speak up, speak clearly. Vary the melody (the inflection) in your voice--don't speak in a monotone. Speak with energy and excitement. People want to know that you are not as depressed as they are about the budget cuts caused by the Balanced Budget Act. They want to hear any solutions you can muster up.

I talked to someone on the phone yesterday who sounded tired. He had sent a good resume to an organization and had not gotten a response. After some conversation about the resume, he all of a sudden raised the level of energy in his voice as he explained a portion of it to me and I said, "Your voice just became more energetic. That is how you need to sound when you are talking to a recruiter or a hiring organization." He said, "I've been up and on call for 17 hours." I said, "I can understand why you sound tired, but be sure you don't have recruiting conversations when you are exhausted."

Learn voice mail etiquette

Be careful when you leave a voice message. You can be thrown into someone's voice mail box if they are on the phone. If you are not prepared to leave a good message, hang up even if it is a long distance call, plan what you are going to say, and call back. Leaving a mumbling message cannot only keep someone from calling back, it can cause him or her to decide you would not be qualified for a job.

Also, say your phone number slowly. Most people seem to want to impress me by demonstrating how well they know their phone numbers. The faster they say it, the brighter they are. It is only ten numbers. I thoroughly expect you to know them well. I am more concerned that you speak them at the pace I can write and say it twice. It is aggravating to listen to a message several times just to capture all of the phone number.

Be courteous and tactful 

Say generally nice, supportive things to people. Do not be a wimp that can't give needed, effective feedback, but don't be someone who sucks energy from others by whining, being excessively negative, being sarcastic, or yelling at others. Be tactful. "Tact requires a sensitivity to others, combined with the skill to speak assertively at any given time without giving offense...Tact requires...the ability to know what will make a person feel better after talking to you."1

Take your foot out of your mouth

"Everyone makes a verbal blunder from time to time. The trick is to recognize that you have put your foot in your mouth and then take it out immediately. Tuning in to the other person's verbal and nonverbal reactions will tell you if an apology is necessary. If you do say the wrong thing:

* Apologize immediately

* Acknowledge your mistake

* Avoid elaborate excuses because you'll probably just dig yourself into a deeper hole.

* Repeat your apology with a touch of humility

* Change the topic to an upbeat subject" (1)

Don't react to a verbal attack

"Many quick-tongued people don't realize the negative impact their sharp words can have on others."' It's important to remember that "...verbal attacks do not require an immediate counterattack. The best response to a verbal assault by your boss, lover, parent, or anyone else, is to do nothing--except listen. Take a few deep breaths to help you relax and collect your thoughts....Here is a statement that says you are not going to fight back in response to a verbal attack: 'Tm not going to argue with you about it, but I do want to understand why you think that way." (1)

If you are verbally attacked, breathe, stay quiet even if your insides are in turmoil. I cannot hear what is going on around me for about an hour after I have been attacked. I replay the attack in my head over and over. It is not a good time for me to respond.

Making excuses when attacked almost never improves a situation, but we all do it. Instead try saying, "That's interesting. I'll need to think about it a bit before deciding what to do."

Don't engage in verbal attacks

If you attack someone, as soon as you realize what you are doing, stop, make an acceptable excuse and leave the situation. "Whew! I'm too upset about this. I'm going to take a short walk and clear my head, "or "I need some time to think about this before we talk more."

"...Avoid starting the conversation if you sense that your emotions are bubbling just below the surface or you feel so angry, you are just waiting to explode. Instead of facing off in a verbal duel, take a short walk and spend several minutes breathing deeply to regain control of your feelings before approaching the other person. Even though you may still be angry or annoyed, speaking calmly improves your ability to communicate, encourages receptivity in others, and allows both of you to remain dignified and tactful." (1) Some people can cool down in a half hour. Others need 24 hours. Take what you need, but don't wait two weeks. The person will have forgotten the issue or certainly thought you will put up with whatever had made you angry.

Use the right amount of words

Do not use too many words or too few. How do you know what is right? If people's eyes glaze over, if you find yourself becoming defensive or making excuses when things go wrong, you are probably talking too much. If, instead, you plot ways to get away from people when things go wrong, you are probably not talking enough. You may not be taking responsibility for mistakes or not letting people know when they have fallen short of your expectations.

Don't say too much

In most situations, less is more. "Think in terms of how much information your audience needs, not how much information you can provide." (2) When you tell people more than they want to know, they will tune you out or leave the room if they have enough positional power to do so. They will sometimes forget the first part of your message, which may have been enough information, because they are aggravated that you won't stop "rambling."

Also be careful about what you talk about at work, We all have personal crises from time to time, but as much as possible we have to pull ourselves together when we walk through the office door. Work can blessedly help you stop ruminating about at-home problems for a few hours if you let it. You can talk to a trusted coworker about your concerns occasionally, but not everyday. People have much work to do. They will offer 15 minutes of genuine sympathy once every two weeks maybe, maybe an hour every two months. But then you need to put on a happy face with a reasonable lilt in your voice and get your work done.

If you feel overwhelmed with personal problems, pay a counselor to listen-don't expect your co-workers to be your sounding board. When my children were teenagers, I went to a counselor once a month whether I needed to or not. I wanted an objective listener to hear my story and make suggestions for ways I could support them through a tumultuous time and also get some of my own needs met.

Prepare ahead of time

If it is important to be brief or if you are upset, prepare for the conversation. "Scripting, or writing out what you want to say, helps you stay calm in difficult conversations because it provides a game plan for you to follow when you talk.... You won't be able to deal with all difficult conversations by writing a script and rehearsing it. However, those planned confrontations present excellent opportunities to build your skills and confidence so that you can face 'unexpected' verbal confrontation more comfortably." (1)

Decide whether you should speak or write

What is the best medium to get your message across? Some people want you to talk to them face to face or on the phone--they tend to check their voice mail every half an hour. Others like the written word, which used to be a memo, then was a fax, and now is email. Some people want a hard copy and will print out their important email messages to read; others prefer reading on the computer screen and love not having their offices further cluttered with paper.

You can find out what people prefer by how quickly they respond to your message. If an email comes back to you the same day, this is their preferred medium. If they don't respond, it may be that they do not know how to even turn on a computer.

Non-verbal skills-packaging

Looking good is part of speaking well and being listened to. I don't mean being handsome or beautiful, which is out of our control, but being well groomed and put together, as if you spent some time and attention getting dressed. Your clothes should fit you or be a little loose, even if you have gained weight. Throw out ill-fitting clothes and buy new ones. If you can't let the too tight clothes go because you might be that size again, put them in another closet but get something that fits for today.

For a job interview, Marilyn Moats Kennedy suggests a visit to Brooks Brothers and letting their staff outfit you (they have clothes for women and men). If you don't want to go that far, good department stores have staff that can help you find the right professional look.

Sources continue to quote unsettling percentages about the power of body language or non-verbal skills--how you look and sound. Albert Morabian, the original researcher on the topic, was very specific with his numbers. He said when people are interacting with you, they are influenced 7 percent by the words you use, 38 percent by the tone of your voice, and 55 percent by how your face and body look. (3) Mary Munter is a little more generous and rounds off the numbers: "experts estimate that 65 to 90 percent of what you communicate is nonverbal." (2) All of us reel at the unfairness of being judged quickly and powerfully by how we look and sound. But stop and think about how you pass those judgments on others and what it takes for you to change your first impression.

Conclusion

Good communication skills are the most important factors in your job search and career success. Without them, you won't get a chance to show off what you know. If you have them, people will feel better when they leave your presence. You will feel satisfied because you can effectively manage others.

References

(1.) Gabor, Don. Speaking Your Mind in 101 Difficult Situations, New York, New York: A Fireside Book, Simon and schuster, 1994.

(2.) Munter, Mary. Guide to Managerial Communication, Effective Business Writing and Speaking, Fourth Edition Upper saddle River, New Jersey: Prentice Hall, 1997.

(3.) Malandro, Loretta A. Nonverbabl Communication Reading, Massachusetts: Addison-Wesley Publishing company, 1983. (In 1967 Albert Morabian, a psychologist, concluded these percentages during a study in which people evaluated a speaker after hearing one spoken word.)

Barbara's Book Pick

Speaking Your Mind in 101 Difficult Situations by Don Gabor. New York, New York: A Fireside Book, Simon and Schuster, 1994.

This hook is a good read because the author actually coaches you and suggests words and phrases in order to help you practice saying tough things in various situations.

Barbara J. Linney, MA, is the Director of Professional Development at the American College of Physician Executives in Tampa, Florida and a member of its faculty. She can be reached by calling 800/562-8088 or via email at [e-mail].