Coming out 2006: our readers tell us about coming out to family and friends--and to the nation.

Tobias Johnson, 31 Nikiski, Alaska 

Coming out has been as much a spiritual journey as it has been a shift in my relationships. As I became aware of my sexuality I traveled further and further into a place of despair and disgust. I felt dirty, flawed, and sinful. I realize now that I was building my own personal closet filled with torture devices of my own making. I spent many years in this place. There came a time when I had to make a choice: continue living in strife or make peace with God and the universe. When I came out, I broke down in a slobbering, crying mess in front of a room full of people. I was greeted with love and warmth. Life outside my torture closet is amazing. We are a gift of God to the world, bearers of love that breaks limitations. Stand proud and tall, brothers and sisters.

Andrew Vega, 21 Los Angeles 

"Your sister tells us that you're gay," my mother said over the phone. It was not a conversation I was prepared to have during college finals. The three minutes that followed were both terribly awkward and profoundly touching as the acceptance I had been dreaming about finally showed up. I had come out to my sister a week before when the whole family gathered for my 19th birthday, figuring that she was the only person in the world with enough guts to tell my parents. I grew up in Upland, Calif., where the only things that matter are President Bush and church on Sundays. I was a Mexican-American teenager born of immigrant parents and felt lost amid in upper-class American suburbia. When I got to college, I met a gay guy named Justin. Soon I was coming out to my friends in my blog, and I now come out to all new people that I meet. Coming out in The Advocate means validation. It means giving the royal finger to the first 18 years of my life and facing the rest in confidence. And Justin and I are now approaching our third anniversary.

Sterling Fiering, 18 Anniston, Ala.

I always knew that I was "different." But in a Southern Christian upbringing, being gay was something I always kept inside. Finally, when I was 16, my heart outweighed my feelings; it was eating me from the inside out. I came out to my mother in a letter. Although I had a thousand emotions running through my head, I felt I had done the right thing. Although the coming-out process was tough in the beginning, I strongly feel it has somehow filled a void. I can honestly say it's a liberating feeling. Now that I'm out, I don't feel like I'm hiding the real me. Coming out has greatly contributed to my overall well-being; I feel whole. My relationships with friends and family have become stronger. I can only hope that my strength, love, and self-acceptance continues to grow.

Blake McKinney, 39 Milwaukee

In July 2005 1 was a happily married father of three. I had always questioned that I might be gay, but I had become a pro at rationalizing it away. Then I went to a convention in Florida. On the last night I had my "trigger moment" with a gentleman who was hitting on me: I found myself not telling him that I wasn't gay. I went home a complete wreck. I knew for sure that I was gay. For the next three months I was short-tempered and an emotional wreck. Eventually my wife confronted me. She looked at me and said, "You're gay, aren't you?" My nonanswer brought tears to her eyes. Now, one year later, we are divorced and I am completely out. I have a partner who loves me and the children. My ex-wife and I hang out together, sometimes with her friends and family, my partner, and the kids. I am the luckiest man in the world. I have never been happier, more confident, or excited about the future. If I can do it, anyone can.

RJ deVera, 24 Los Angeles

It's kind of funny. I met my first boyfriend online when I was 15. I've held hands and cuddled while walking in the streets. I had hookups in parking lots, public parks, and movie theaters. Yet even with the audacity I use to explore life, I couldn't tell my parents those three words that could change everything in a heartbeat: "I am gay." I had finally built up the courage to come out to my folks when one day a letter in the mail did all the talking for me. It was an acceptance letter to the U.S. Naval Academy. I guess some might still consider me a closet case, but I hide because I have to. I graduated from the academy and serve in the Navy now, and I'm having a great time.

Jamie Simmons, 21 Morrilton, Ark.

At the age of 20, I came out to my parents in a letter I left for them one Friday and moved out the same day. I went through a weekend of emotional hell. I did not eat or hold liquids for two days. Then I spoke to them and promised I would not tell anyone else, and we went on as if nothing had really happened. My parents, who have been conservative Christians for their entire lives, could not believe my coming-out was not a choice. They were convinced there was a friend who'd taught me this and would take me for every penny I had and then leave me. They said being gay was a phase; it was because of the way I dressed. Recently they found out I have a girlfriend. They haven't talked to me in nearly a month. I told my granny, and now we're closer than we ever were. And my girlfriend and I are engaged. We have been together for about two years now and have a wonderful relationship. We have our children too: two cats, one dog, and a turtle.

Alyssa Regulski, 30 Los Angeles

When I sat down to brainstorm how I would share my coming-out story, my morn was the first person to pop into my mind. I wrote an entire essay on the moment she discovered love notes from my first girlfriend in an Easter basket on my kitchen table. I then pondered the moment that I came out to myself. I thought about that first kiss that I never imagined could feel so right. I wanted to tell my story, a simple story--or so I thought. But the real task came when I acknowledged that we come out of the closet time and time again to so many people and in so many different ways. It's not just one incidence, experience, or emotion. It's living. And now the latest chapter in my coming-out is doing it in The Advocate. Happiness for me is being myself. I only hope that those looking to come out realize the extreme joy that can come from the freedom to be you.

Jacob Weldon, 22 New York City 

I came out to my Texas family in a suicide letter. As the son of a Vietnam marine turned assistant police chief, I had struggled with traditionalist values my entire life. Combined with the strict religious ideologies of southeast Texas, life had become increasingly suffocating, and I had become decreasingly hopeful. When I awoke in the hospital after my suicide attempt, I had no idea what I was in store for--mostly because the combination of alcohol and drugs had erased nearly all memory of what I had done. Nevertheless, I was soon out of the hospital, out of the closet, and out on my own. Now I'm a gay activist attending Columbia University. Sharing my story with The Advocate is my final step to coming out. I want others to see that I am no longer afraid to embrace the challenges of being openly gay--in fact, I welcome them!

Antonio Martinez, 33 Houston

While hosting the Comedy Central stand-up special Out There 2, Amanda Bearse said, "You know, coming out is a continuing process; once is not enough. You have to keep doing it again and again, like sit-ups." Well, as a portly gentleman, sit-ups and I don't occupy the same galaxy, but coming out is something that I have had to do time and time again. I first came out to my older sister in 1992. She was OK with it. I came out to my twin sister the following March, who later told me in the summer of 1999 that I'd have it coming if I ended up like Matthew Shepard. In the summer of 1993 I came out to my mom over the phone. She cried, said she loved me, and stopped calling me by my name. I'd never thought the word "son" could be so cold. That same day I also came out to my oldest sisters and three of my aunts. Now I'm coming out in The Advocate.

Johnny Bennett, 44 Mesquite, Texas 

I have always known I am gay but was afraid of what people would think of me. I didn't want people to not like me or to make fun of me. A friend of mine came out in high school and was disowned by his family, and I was not ready for that. So right out of high school, I got married. When my marriage ended in divorce, I was still afraid of what people would think. So I did what any closeted gay divorce would do: I got married again, this time to my next-door neighbor, Shirley. We were married for 15 years , before she died of kidney cancer. Right before she died, she told me that I needed to find "someone" who'd make me happy. You could have knocked me over with a feather. She knew I was gay. After a lot of soul-searching, I took that step out of the closet. I met this really wonderful guy named Joe, who was also married with children. We've now been together for over two years, and he has his kids over every two weeks.