Coming home *. (Times of Your Life).

They say you can never go home again. But that's not strictly true. You can go home again; it's just that your mother won't do your laundry any more. This is especially true at Christmastime, when she is much too busy cooking, buying and wrapping last-minute presents, decorating the guest room, and changing the Christmas CDs because she hasn't yet unwrapped the CD changer you're thoughtfully giving her this year. No, if your mother had time to do laundry, she'd do her own.

But the fact is that you probably won't mind spending time with the Maytag simply because you are home and it's good to be home again.

Those who have not left the nest may find it hard to comprehend the waves of nostalgia that sweep over you (or maybe "crash into you" is a better description) when you return. Suddenly, without consciously meaning to, you're elbowing your son with a grin and pointing out the old chopping block where you used to spend hours splitting wood. Or you're teaching your daughter how to make molasses taffy in the same kitchen where you made it when you were growing up, and your mother is telling her that she'll ruin her supper if she eats too much. Or you're sleeping in your old bedroom with the snores of your spouse and the soft breathing of your children beside you. The old wallpaper might be peeling, the carpet might be stained, but it's a room filled with dreams many of them right now sleeping in the very room where you first dreamed them.

Home is the one place that does not change ... no matter how much it changes. The sense of cohesion a family creates as it grows and lives together can never be completely destroyed no matter what happens as we travel through life. If Mom replaces the old scratchy Bing Crosby LP for the digitally remastered CD version or if the folks move to a smaller house siblings get married, or a family member passes away, home will always be home, no matter where it is or who is in it. The essence of home transcends time and place to pass on to the next generation.

This is a great responsibility for those of us raising children today, because eventually it will be our home they return to and our traditions that keep the memories alive. And really, what are holidays made of if not memories of times past and people recalled and relationships celebrated? This is the stuff that creates homes worth returning to. Shopping malls and holiday catalogs would have us believe that it's the stack of presents beneath the tree, bathed in the blinking glow of tree lights, that's important. But really, presents would be useless indeed if there were no one to share them with.

In fact, there are very few trappings of the season that could not be dispensed with completely if the mood took you. No matter how fun or traditional, in the end they are only trappings. It is the people who make them special. This Christmas take a little time to honor the home you came from and the people who make it special.

No doubt about it, the heart and soul of the holidays is home, no matter where it is. Home is what the holidays are all about. So sit out the spin cycle with a bowl of freshly popped corn and a mug of mulled cider. Listen to Bing warble his timeless carols whether it's a white Christmas or not; enjoy your family, and think just how wonderful it is to come home again.

* Dedicated to the memory of my grandmother, Alberta Gagne, who had a gift for making a home.

Celeste perrino Walker and her family are making holiday memories in Rutland, Vermont.