Coming home: out Iraqi vet Joshua Moreland takes a stand.

During the eight years that I was in the Army, I learned how to rationalize the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. What I did at work stayed at work, and what I did at home stayed at home. It worked pretty well. I met other gay and lesbian soldiers, went to gay clubs and pride festivals, and had steady relationships with guys who were civilians.

The main challenge was putting up with the antigay remarks and attitudes of some soldiers. There are some soldiers who are ignorant enough to think that because "don't ask, don't tell" exists, there are no gay or lesbian soldiers in the military. They just run their mouths saying whatever ignorant crap comes to their shallow minds. It got really infuriating having to listen to them and not being able to say anything.

The problem of being in the closet was exacerbated when I learned that my unit was going to Iraq. I had only been with these people for two months and had never been in any kind of conflict. Now I was supposed to trust them with my life and keep a secret.

We entered Iraq on March 19, 2003, during the ground war. During the next two years we spent our time fighting in and around Baghdad and making return visits to Kuwait.

I was assigned to an infantry unit whose job was security patrols: house-to-house searches for insurgents and weapons, manning security checkpoints, and clearing the streets of improvised explosive devices. I was the battalion's human resources specialist, who ensured that soldiers were paid, their awards were processed, and they were accounted for. My job was not as harrowing or risky as that of my infantry comrades who were in the streets of Baghdad or Sadr City, but I did get to dodge mortar rounds, rocket strikes, and occasional artillery fire.

We had three soldiers who were killed and over 40 who were wounded. I was one of the soldiers who had to gather documentation on each wounded soldier to complete their Purple Heart award packets. It got depressing almost every day, receiving word that another soldier had either been wounded or killed.

The Army is great at appearances. As long as soldiers shut up, follow orders, and give the appearance that they love and support this war, their careers won't get messed with and the public will go on blindly supporting the war.

The reality is that many soldiers do not in any way, shape, or form agree with this war and truly fail to see just how it benefits the United States. Regardless of how one feels, the men and women of our military continue to do their jobs to safeguard our nation and to assist the Iraqi people in rebuilding their country. Personally, considering how we busted up their country and threw their lives into total disarray, I feel we owe it to them to make sure they form a strong government and can create a fully functioning country again.

Being able to return home alive and in one piece in June 2005 has been a real miracle, considering how almost 1,900 service members have been killed and more than 14,000 wounded. After almost 11 years of active service I have ended my time in the Army. Mainly I am sick and tired of being used by our government, and I'm tired of seeing our service members being strung out, used. and abused.

Now that I am out of the Army my main focus is to continue my education. I have enrolled at Idaho State University, will major in child psychology, and plan to become a school psychologist. My heart will always be with those who continue to serve in Iraq and Afghanistan. Knowing the emotional hardship and aggravation of serving under "don't ask, don't tell," I intend to use my military experience and personal insight to do everything I possibly can to assist in ridding the military of the discriminatory policy.

I intend to write to state representatives to voice my concerns and wishes. I wild also be joining organizations such as American Veterans for Equal Rights and the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network. The LGBT service members who are putting their lives on the line deserve the right to be as honest and open about themselves as they want to be.