Comfort food at Queen Vic.

ABOUT a year ago, the Sunday Mercury moved from its rusty old location in Colmore Circus to glamorous new offices at Fort Dunlop.

Many Mercury journalists were pained by the wrench, and I was one of them.

Nothing, it seemed, would ever be the same.

For one thing, we used to play Frisbee on the roof of the old building. But our new home is a few stories higher, and tumbling over the top would result in death, instead of the mild concussion we were used to.

Thankfully the Fort Dunlop roof has its compensations, such as the life-sized plastic cows which have been planted there. "What are plastic cows doing on the roof of a building?" I asked a fellow journalist.

"Don't be so dim," he scolded. "If they plonked real cows up there, they'd be miserable.

No grass, see?" I guess he had a point. Yes, Fort Dunlop ain't so bad. Especially since they installed the bikiniclad girls with feathered fans, who have THE VICTORIAN RESTAURANT, Birmingham been charged with cooling our heated brows whenever we feel overworked from writing a sentence or two of a morning.

Unfortunately, there are no plastic cows or buxom bikini babes in the office that the Mercury maintains in the city centre.

This is a more cosy affair.

The whole set-up isn't much larger than Fat Baz's Y-fronts.

Even so, I sometimes enjoy working in the city centre shoebox. That's because it's opposite The Victorian Restaurant, one of my favourite places for munching in the Midlands.

Not because it's in any way swanky. The Victorian is the opposite of swanky, which means, I guess, that it's yknaws.

Sepia-tinted The dcor and service is delightfully oldfashioned.

So much so, in fact, that I kept having to check myself in the mirror to see if I had become sepia-tinted, along with everything else in this restaurant that time forgot.

Pride of place on the walls goes to a magnificent, gold-framed portrait of Queen Victoria.

In the picture she looks thoroughly bored with owning three-quarters of the globe.

Her expression is that of a camel forced to endure an evening at the opera. Or worse still, a camel forced to endure an evening watching I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.

The food is just as conservative in nature as Queen Vic. It's home-cooking of the type granny would approve.

For a starter, I had pat with melba toast and redcurrant jelly (pounds 3.70). It was a perfect blend of crispiness and squishiness, like Dawn French on a surfboard.

For a main course, I opted for scampi and chips (pounds 6.95). Not a particularly original dish, but originality is not what you are looking for in The Victorian.

You want comfort food, and that's what I got. The scampi and chips had no surprises, and no disappointments either. Apart from one. The peas should have been as bouncy as mini beach-balls. Instead, they had the consistency of winter slush.

But that didn't spoil my appetite. Not when there was white chocolate and raspberry cheesecake (pounds 3.05) for dessert!

It was another dish that didn't try to wow me with its cutting edge look or flavour.

Instead, it was content to make me content.

The Victorian Restaurant really is a glorious hunk of old Brum, and unimprovable, as far as I'm concerned.

Well, maybe that's not completely true.

After all, I wouldn't have minded being fanned by a few bikini-clad babes while I was dining.

LORNE JACKSON The Victorian Restaurant is located at 16 Great Western Arcade, Birmingham (Tel: [phone]). The bill, including a tip and drink, came to pounds 18.

Layered Cottage Pie (serves four) Preperation time: 30 minutes Cooking time: 30 minutes INGREDIENTS 1 tbsp olive oil 1 large onion, finely sliced 500g beef mince 3 tbsp tomato pure 2 tbsp tomato ketchup 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce 1.2kg potatoes, cut into 5mm slices 25g Cheddar, grated METHOD 1. Heat the oil in a pan and gently fry the onion for 5 minutes. Add the mince and fry until browned all over.

2. Stir in the tomato pure, ketchup and Worcestershire sauce. Add a splash of hot water and season. Simmer gently for 15-20 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 200C/fan180C/gas 6. Put the potatoes in a pan of water. Bring to the boil, then simmer for 2-3 minutes. Drain, then layer half in a baking dish. Spoon the mince over the potatoes, then layer over the remaining potatoes. Sprinkle with cheese and bake for 30 minutes, then serve.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION Per serving: 559kcals, 17.7g fat (7g saturated), 37.8g protein, 66.5g carbs, 16.5g sugar, 1g salt WINE NOTE Grenache from southern France, or a Fitou, would suit this.

SMART COOK TIP For chilli con carne, add chilli powder, ground cumin and coriander, and a can of kidney beans to the mince. Serve with rice and soured cream.

CAPTION(S):

Today's recipe is taken from lDelicious Magazine, which is on sale now at all good newsagents,