Comfort food: cook up a batcH of mealtime memories.

Most of us don't have to reach very far into our memory banks to pull out fond memories of family mealtimes. But, as parents today, we may be hardpressed to recall the last time our own families gathered around the table for a meal. Work schedules, after-school activities, television, computers, and even church obligations compete for our time.

Experts are discovering that making mealtimes a family priority is well worth the effort. The National Merit Scholarship Corporation profiled National Merit Scholars from the past 20 years trying to find out what these exceptional students had in common. They were surprised to discover that all of those children came from families who ate together three or more nights a week.

Family mealtimes create bonds and memories that won't be forgotten. Fact is, kids who feel close to their families are more likely to embrace the family's value system. "It demonstrates that the family is so important it's worth making time for," says Robert Billingham, Ph.D., a professor of human development and family studies at Indiana University. "Only reading together comes close in importance."

Another benefit discovered by a recent Harvard University study shows that kids who dine frequently with their parents are one and a half times more likely to eat five servings of fruits and vegetables daily than those in families who eat together only rarely. Even when they're away from their parents--at school, for instance--they're more likely to make healthy food selections.

Perfect Opportunity

Mealtime is a perfect opportunity to truly give your kids your undivided attention. It's a great way to learn more about each other. As you uncover information about your kids' concerns, friends, and interests, they can enjoy a peek into your day, beliefs, and passions. Most important, they hear how you're living out your faith in the big, bad world.

Children also have a chance to practice proper manners during regular family meals. If they're always eating on the run or with other kids, there's no opportunity for them to observe those manners in action.

Just because you can't sit down together every night doesn't mean you can't do it at all. While we may have legitimate reasons for missing family meals, doing so can take a toll. The benefits of managing three or more family meals each week far outweigh any sacrifices we may have to make. If you find it nearly impossible to have a family meal together, it may be time to stop and reconsider your family's priorities. Perhaps you can pare down other obligations.

Don't get stuck on the idea that the shared meal must be dinner. Perhaps breakfast will work better for your family's schedule. Mealtimes together are easier to accomplish if everyone pitches in. Even a five-year-old can set the table. Also, this presents an opportunity for concerned parents to stand up to those who organize after-school activities at times that interfere with the family dinner. These activities should be scheduled around mealtimes, just as they used to be.

If a parent or child doesn't get home in time for your usual dinner hour, resist the urge to eat without that person. Instead, feed the at-home kids a healthy snack. If it'll be a couple of hours, let them have their soup or salad early. This will hold them off until everyone can join in.

Relaxed, Not Rushed

Family mealtimes should be relaxed, not rushed; a time when no one really wants to be excused from the table. Get input from the rest of the family. Ask young and old what they think would make mealtimes together more enjoyable. Remember the purpose of family mealtime is to have fun, take part in stimulating conversations, and make pleasant memories. This is not the time to reprimand the kids for something they did or didn't do. These special meals must be stress-free.

Establish a "no phone calls, no TV" rule. The answering machine can take any calls.

Mealtimes are a great opportunity to discuss current events from your perspective (not the media's, a peer's, or a teacher's). Encourage your kids to talk about news stories they hear. Research has shown that children who are talked to and asked questions develop higher IQs. Talk and ask questions to your five-year-old just as you do to your teenager. A good book containing stimulating ideas is Funtastic Conversation Starters for Parents and Kids by Robert C. Crosby (Honor Books).

Many families use their mealtimes together as an opportunity to make plans, such as weekly schedules, family outings, and vacations. Even children too young to converse can be entertained with finger foods or small toys.

Family mealtimes are an investment in your children. And just like any investment, it will cost something. But the return will last a lifetime. Too much of the world saps our energy and our sense of closeness. The dinner table can be a haven from the stress of everyday living. It offers busy families the chance to slow down, get reacquainted, and feel like a unit.

Make mealtimes a priority in your house because priorities usually happen. Even if you order Chinese and eat out of cardboard containers, the time spent together as a family will create memories that linger for years to come.

Tammy Darling writes from Three Springs, Pennsylvania.