Coaching your own kid: it may be the toughest job you ever had. (Career Development).

ONE OF THE MOST difficult jobs in sport has to be the coaching of your own kid on the school team. When the opportunity arises, it will seem like a great idea: spending quality time together and enjoying an activity you both love. But, there are also going to be pitfalls to avoid.

Certain issues will have to be addressed prior to and during the season. Not everything will go as expected, and both of you are going to experience unique situations.

I have coached both my son and daughter and I must admit that I had some successes as well as things that I'd have liked to change. Following are a few of the pertinent issues that must be addressed:

Avoid Favoritism. This is the #1 issue you are going to face. You will want your child to succeed and you will be able to give him (or her) more playing time or a certain playing position. But you will have to be careful to judge and evaluate all athletes fairly and honestly.

You cannot permit your love for your child to cloud your view and hinder your ability to judge and evaluate. If your child is a great athlete, your job will be easy. Most people will recognize that he/she is the best.

If your child is at the other end of the spectrum, possibly the least skilled athlete on the team. You have to recognize this and coach accordingly.

When your child is right in the middle--the average athlete--your job becomes quite difficult..You and your staff will have to make evaluations that are fair to both your child and the team. You now must be more coach and less parent!

Be Careful of Too Much Criticism. All too often, one of the negative sides is criticizing your child too much. You may often feel that since the athlete is your son or daughter, he/she must know the game better, work harder, and succeed more often.

This is unrealistic and often detrimental to the athletic experience. You must hold your child to the same standards as everyone else, nothing more or nothing less. Just because you want your child to succeed does not mean that it is going to happen!

Follow the Car Rule. Since the athlete is your child, you often will be taking him/her home after a big win or a tough loss. Be sure to follow the Car Rule: Once inside the car, all criticism, negative comments, and critiquing of his/her Play must stop.

You now must become the parent and stop being the coach! Nothing negative about the game can be discussed in the car. Many other things can be discussed at this time. If your child did not play particularly well, give it a break; talk about something else. By the time you arrive home, both of you will be in a better mood.

Your Personal Reminder. I learned this trick a few years ago and it works. If you are the kind of coach who tends to criticize your kid too much, try doing something that reminds you to back off.

My reminder is a rubber band. I put a loose fitting rubber band around my wrist, and when I feel myself about to hit my child with a heavy dose of undeserved criticism I merely snap the band, reminding me to keep my cool, act rationally toward my child/athlete, not go overboard.

Seek Outside Assistance. If you are having difficulty judging your kid's actual ability and role on the team, seek outside help and advice. Bring a friend or cohort to practice and let him watch your child participate in the practices and games.

He can give you an unbiased evaluation of the kid's ability. Be ready to accept both sides of the evaluation. You might be surprised by what is said. He might tell you things that are difficult to accept, but as a coach you must do what is best for the team.

Be Ready for Criticism. No matter what happens, there are going to be people who will criticize you for your playing-time decisions. These same people are going to accuse you of favoritism, whether it is justified or not. You can not avoid it, so be ready for it. It might be an issue at a coach/parent meeting prior to the season.

Expect More/Reward More. As a parent/coach, you might find it logical to expect more from your child. He has opportunities that most of the other athletes do not have. He can pick your brain about team strategy and game techniques.

When, however, he is performing at a quality level, be sure to dole out the compliments. Let him know that you recognize and appreciate his hard work. Since he often knows what you are thinking, he can be a "coach' on the field. Let him know that you recognize and appreciate what he is doing.

Be Sensitive to His Situation. When you are the coach, your child is going to face his own set of problems. Other athletes are going to say things about you and the program that are going to hurt.

Be sensitive to the fact that even if he does deserve to start, other players--and adults--are going to think that you are favoring him. If you truly know your child, you will know when something has been said. Talk to him about it. Make sure he/she understands why things are said and why others might be antagonistic toward both of you.

Be sure to stress all of the positive experiences that both of you have had in athletics.

The Bottom Line. If he is good enough to start, then he must start! Don't punish him or not play him just because he is your child! If he earns the position, works hard, and is a team player, he deserves to play. Coaching your own kid can be the most difficult task you will have to experience in your coaching career. But, it can also be the most enjoyable experience you can have as a parent.

Not many people are given the opportunity to experience such a unique thing, and it should be a positive experience for both the coach/parent and child/athlete.

Always remember that you are a parent first, a coach second. If for some reason the situation is not working, give it a break and make every effort to solve the problem.

It truly should be a memorable experience for both you and your child, but if it is not working do not let it destroy your relationship as a parent. No sport is worth that!

Now the tough question: Do you give him the team MVP award?