Coaches' corner.

WARNER WOLF, after the Giants scored just 58 points in their first five games: "The Giants are the only team in the NFL with a prevent offense."

FRANK DEFORD, after watching the Diamondbacks hit Andy Fettitte for 11 hits and eight runs in three innings: "The only way Pettitte is going to avoid being hit is by switching to a wide receiver's number."

SIGN OVER THE DOOR of the basketball coach at Long Island LT.: "Attention walk-ons: I'm busy, but if you can see over the transom, come right on in."

BERNIE BIERMAN, on why he had such great football teams at Minnesota: "The state was so healthy to live in that the natives had to bury a garbage can to start a cemetery."

MRS. DICK VERMEIL, on how she stops reporters from phoning him: "Dick is still asleep, but I'll have him call you as soon as he gets up at 4:00 AM."

BUD COLLINS: "John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors probably played the noisiest tennis matches in history. It got so bad that the crowds started calling for silence."

MIKE LU PICA, on why he loves the Canadian Football League: "It is so intriguing. You see a guy run 115 yards and you're never sure he made a first down."

SAM RUTIGLIANO, on why he never worried about defensing left-handed forward passers: "I made sure all my defensive backs were right-handed hitters."

LOU HOLTZ, on whether he deserves being called the best football coach in the country: "In the country, absolutely. In the cities, I'm not too sure."

TOMMY LASORDA: "Tell an athlete something a thousand times, then tell it to him again because that may be the time he finally gets it."

DEAN SMITH: "Don't make everything a matter of life and death. You'll wind up being dead a lot."

CASEY STENGEL: "Whenever I decide to get rid of a player, I always have his room searched for a pistol."

MIKE SCHMIDT, on playing baseball in Philadelphia: "It's the only city where you experience the horror of defeat one day and the agony of reading about it the next day."

BOB DINABERG, on how his California Wesleyan football team prepared for the smog in Los Angeles: "We practiced with one nostril taped up and then had our assistant coaches smoke cigars in the hermetically sealed bus that took us to the game."

JIM WOHLFORD, former San Francisco pitcher: "The only legitimate reason for anyone pitching in Candelstick Park is because he threw a bomb at an archduke."

JOE LINSALATA, former major league umpire: "The only rule I could never understand was that umpires couldn't fraternize with ballplayers. Why would anyone want to fraternize with ballplayers?"

GENE MAUCH, on the induction of Gaylord Perry, the king of the spitballers, to the Hall of Fame: "I cried when I saw the tube of Vaseline attached to his plaque."

JOE TORRE, after hearing that Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling were signing new contracts with the Diamonbacks: "I called the suicide hot line and they told me it was all right. I was doing the right thing."

JACK NICKLAUS: "Tiger Woods doesn't seem to have it anymore. He hasn't broken 64 in at least two weeks."

EARL STROM, after calling the 3,856th personal foul against Elvin Hayes, an NBA record: "I guess they'll now name a whistle after him."

PAT RILEY, after trying to defense Shaq O'Neal all season: "What can you do against a guy who can bench-press Czechoslovakia?"