Coaches' corner.

Mr. Hockey and Canadian, GORDIE HOWE, on his NHL cohorts south of the border: "American professional athletes are bilingual. They speak English and profanity."

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Baseball Hall of Famer GEORGE BRETT: "If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out."

The late superstar comedian BOB HOPE, on why he hated playing golf with President Dwight Eisenhower: "There are so many Secret Service agents around, I can't cheat."

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Dana College football coach BILL DANENHAUER, after QB Tom Lensch threw an NCAA-record 101 passes vs Hastings College: "I guess I'm going to have to put him on a pitch count from now on."

Former Boston Red Sox pitcher BILL "SPACEMAN" LEE: "When cerebral processes enter into sports, you start screwing up. It's like the Constitution, which says separate church and state. You have to separate mind and body."

DAN DEVINE, former Notre Dame football coach: "There are two kinds of people in the world--Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters. And quite frankly, they're both a pain in the butt."

Canadian Olympic baseball player, ANDY STEWART, on how he estimated the attendance at a game against the Netherlands: "I was looking for my wife and counting the people. After I got to one, I didn't have to go a lot higher."

Former Masters' winner SANDY LYLE: "It's not whether you win or lose--but whether I win or lose."

Detroit Tigers humorist and first baseman, DMITRI YOUNG, on trying to play while sick: "My nose was running like an Olympic sprinter."

St. Louis Cardinals reliever RAY KING, who was so inspired by the sight of President Bush throwing out the first ball on opening day that he promptly ran 3-and-0 counts on the first two hitters he faced: "The president threw one more strike than I did."

DUFFY DAUGHERTY, the late Michigan State coach: "My only feeling about superstition is that it's unlucky to be behind at the end of the game."

Former Golden State Warriors coach AL ATTLES on the great Nate Archibald: "We have forty-four defenses for him, but he has forty-five ways to score."

ABE LEMONS, the late Texas U. basketball coach: "Finish last in your league and they call you Idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you Doctor."

Minnesota Twins manager RON GARDENHIRE, on how bench coach Steve Liddle saved the day after the Twins got an early-morning wakeup call in Kansas City because of a tornado warning: "He just took a bag of our bats and put them in the window. He knew nothing would hit it."

LANCE BERKMAN, Houston Astros outfielder, on his strategy for taking a bunch of pitches during the All-Star Home Run Derby: "I told myself that at least that way, even if I didn't hit any home runs, at least I'd be on TV for 15 minutes."

Former NFL lineman BOB GOLIC: "If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It's about the same thing."

NFL Hall of Famer STEVE OWEN on Bronko Nagurski: "He was the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference."