Coaches' corner.

JOE PATERNO, Penn State's legendary football coach: "If I ever need a brain transplant, I want one from a sportswriter, because I'll know it's never been used."

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PAUL 'BEAR' BRYANT, the late, great Alabama coaching legend, on whether or not it's true he could walk on water: "Well, I won't say I can or can't. But if I do, I do it before most people get up in the morning."

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GEORGE MACINTYRE, former Vanderbilt football coach, regarding his roster, which included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores: "Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash."

GREG COTE, Miami Herald columnist, on the Dolphins' pitiful pre-season play: "The Dolphins have a league-high 23 assistant coaches: six offense, six defense, three special teams, and eight designated scapegoats."

MIKE GOTTFRIED, former Kansas coach and current ESPN college football analyst, on learning that the odds against the Jayhawks winning the Big Eight title are 100 to 1: "Who's the one guy who thinks we can do it?"

ABE LEMONS, the late U. of Texas basketball coach, when asked if he jogs: "Hell, no. When I die I want to be sick."

MAURICE LUCAS, former NBA forward: "I'm a blue-collar worker. I don't punch in, I punch out."

College basketball coaching icon BOBBY KNIGHT: "Absolute silence--that's the one thing a sportswriter can quote accurately."

The late BILL VEECK, former Chicago White Sox owner and perhaps baseball's most imaginative promoter: "I have discovered, in 20 years of moving around a ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats."

RED BLAIK, the late Army football coach, justifying his tough, contact practices: "You don't develop good teeth by eating mush."

CHRISTOPHER LAWLOR, USA Today: "I was playing golf the other day with a guy who broke 70. Man, that's a lot of clubs!"

PAUL HORNUNG, former Heisman Trophy winner at Notre Dame and Hall of Fame running back for the Green Bay Packers, on why his marriage ceremony was held before noon: "Because if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day."

JERRY COLEMAN, Hall of Fame broadcaster for the San Diego Padres, during a telecast: "He slides into second with a stand-up double."

EARL WEAVER, former Baltimore Orioles manager, on why he prefers baseball to football: "You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the plate and give the other man a chance."

The late JOHN MCKAY, former head coach of USC and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, on the Pittsburgh Steelers dynasty of the 1970's: "They have so many Super Bowl rings that maybe they'll retire and go into the jewelry business."

BRUCE JENNER, the 1976 Olympic decathlon champion, on the difference between he and Joe Namath: "I spent 12 years training for a career that was over in a week. Joe spent a week training for a career that lasted 12 years."

MIKE REID, former Cincinnati Bengals lineman and accomplished pianist: "If I prepared for a concert way I prepare for a football game, I would begin by throwing the piano out the window."